Several years ago I worked at a company that was mainly men, and I got on well with them.
I and another (married) man, much older were sent to an event with an overnight hotel stay, just us two. We were part of the same team so saw each other every day in passing or through doing joint projects, but had never seen each other outside of work (even though I often went out with some of the guys after work, he didn't).
He offered to drive us there (several hour trip) and on the way, out of nowhere, he started telling me about how he was a sex addict and all his sexual exploits and how he was obsessed with sex and such, how he'd cheated on all his partners on a regular basis. I was uncomfortable and tried to change the topic, but every time I did he brought it back around, e.g. if I tried to talk about films he'd start talking about how sexy Kate Winslet is and so on.
Anyway long story short he tried to sexually assault me. I physically ran away from him and just about managed to get into my hotel room - he chased after me. Never been so scared in my life. He kept knocking on the door all night, I ignored him. It was horrible, I kept having panic attacks that he was going to get into the room or ask someone at reception to let him in (under false pretences) or something.
Next day we had to work together at the event. He apologised to me, said it was because he'd had a couple of drinks once we got there, and I just accepted it for the sake of it being a really awkward day of working together in public and hoping it would all blow over.
Later in the day he started back up making comments that he hoped he could give me a lift back and he'd be lonely on his own etc etc. I completely ignored him - I'd already called my boyfriend and arranged for him to come and get me because there was no way I was spending any more time with this guy.
When we got back I told the most senior person at the company what had happened and he listened but did nothing except agree I would never need to be left alone with this guy again. Eventually I managed to move teams so I didn't have to see him any more. After that we both ended up switching jobs and moving to completely different companies.
Fast forward five years, this guy unexpectedly dies from an unknown heart condition. I now have lots of (male) colleagues/friends from the old job asking if I know and wanting to talk about how devastated they are and what a great guy he was. His wife has posted the most heartfelt essay you've ever seen on social media (she has a lot of followers, not a famous amount but a lot) that my friends and some small local businesses keep sharing on their own profiles, along with their own condolence messages and memories. From reading his wife's beautifully written post and seeing the accompanying photos, you'd think he was the best person ever to walk the earth and their relationship was like romeo and juliet and he was the best dad to their kids (he spent most of the time at work saying he regretted having children and he hadn't realised how hard it would be) and so on.
Anyway, the point is that I have no idea what to say to these people's messages, because they expect me to be devastated too (I am normally the kind of person who will cry at a video of a random dog, and they, as middle aged men, are probably starting to think it's quite odd that I'm not surpassing them in terms of emotion on this, he was known as the funny guy in the office). But honestly I have no idea what to say because I'm not sad at all. Equally, I don't see any point in saying why because I feel it would just get back to hurt his wife and kids for no reason. So...what can I say in response to their messages to me that sounds reasonable/normal but isn't a lie, and also doesn't make me sound like a cold hearted bitch??