AIBU to cancel photographer because clothes didn’t arrive

[Wombatboymom]

I had my second baby 2 weeks ago (36 weeks and I needed to have a c section which I really didn’t want!). I ordered some clothes next day delivery as I don’t have anything that fits / I feel good in, and wanted some nice neutral floaty dresses. The delivery company says they’ve been delivered but they haven’t been (not with neighbours and no photo of delivery so clearly a screw up).

I’m usually 58kgs but currently 70kgs as I put on a bit too much during the pregnancy - I felt sick the whole way through and carbs were my friend! I have a lot of swelling from the c section scar (which looks horrid), my tummy hasn’t gone back down fully yet (it had by now with my first), and I generally feel rubbish about myself. The dresses not arriving has sent me over the edge - I know part of this is hormones / baby blues - but I feel so awful in everything I have. The only stuff that I feel comfortable in is lululemons and oversized tshirts.

AIBU to cancel the photoshoot now? I would pay the photographer her rate so she doesn’t lose out. Am I being childish by cancelling it and ruining it for my husband / toddler / newborn as they won’t have the photos, or is this a reasonable reaction to feeling awful and not wanting to be photographed. Happy to be told I’m unreasonable - I can’t really see the woods for the trees and I’m very hormonal!

If you are going to pay anyway I would go ahead as you might feel differently later on and enjoy looking back on the photos of your family at this early stage. Could your DH pop out now and get you something to wear (assume photoshoot is tomorrow?) even just a nice top that might make you feel better?

You obviously want a picture at this stage in your baby's life, abd you won't get another chance if it's really important to you to capture this time. If it were me I'd wear something plain, focus on my hair and face, and get the photographer to do some magic with angles, lights and positioning of DC so my body wasn't front and centre, if I knew it would spoil the pictures for me.

OP there is no guarantee clothes off the internet would make you look or feel good. Many look very different when you get them than the pictures shown.

Go to a real shop and get something you like and feel comfortable in.

Go to the shops?

Focus on baby photos, something that looks ok from chest up, and accept you might only get sibling/baby photos that you're happy with, and rebook family photos for a few months time?

If you’re going to pay anyway and you really don’t feel like being photographed why not just take some photos of the new baby and toddler without you and DP? If you cancel you won’t have a second chance at a photoshoot with your newborn.

You’re going to regret it if you cancel. Please please don’t do it. You can at least get newborn pictures of the baby, and pictures of your toddler and other half with baby, and at least one or two of you. Babies change soooo fast that it just won’t be the same if you delay it. Pleeeeease go through with it; if you don’t like the pictures afterwards you don’t have to share any with you in them! If you are going to pay anyway just grit your teeth and do it. These will be precious memories when you are older and I bet you won’t feel so delicate about your size right now when you are old!

Please don't cancel, you have such a short window for newborn photos. You will regret it.

You haven’t even reached your due date yet! It’s far too soon to be pressuring yourself to look good.

Depending on the shoot and the notice, postpone it, or change the focus so it’s all about the baby or children. Perhaps their dad. Do one when you are feeling better, or have a naked, baby over your shoulder type one.

See what photographer says.

A professional photographer, particularly one who deals with newborn babies and family shoots, is going to be very well versed in post-partum body concerns. Do nice hair and make up, and the best you can with plain clothing. Tell the photographer your concerns. You'll get some amazing photos, you really will xx

Go to the shop and get something. Or do photos that are shoulders and above only

Take the photos. You have nothing to lose anyway - if you’re paying regardless then at least have them, you don’t have to display them if you don’t like them. But also try to remember that the post partum period is a beautiful, raw, messy, difficult, blissful, exhausting time and it’s ok if your photos reflect that rather than some arbitrary standard of perfection. You’ve done something amazing and deserve to commemorate it even if right now you aren’t feeling conventionally beautiful.

I gained a very similar amount of weight with DD2 (so sick for so long!) and felt awful abput myself afterwards as i'm usually fairly slim. I look back in those photos now though (a decade later) and yes, I see a bit of extra weight but I also see how happy I was and how wonderful it was to be a family of four for the first time. The weight can come off but you won't get these memories back! Go easy on yourself and enjoy the moment - and congratulations on your new baby!