Am I expecting too much?

[BeTaupeMentor]

My husband and I both work full time. We have 2 children (1 and 3) who attend nursery full time. My partner works long hours and his hours vary week to week. I on the other hand work full time, which is 2 days in the office (2 hour commute each way). We moved out of the town so my partner would be closer to work, however there aren’t many opportunities for my line of work, meaning I have to commute. When returning to work from maternity leave, I wanted to drop my hours as I know how chaotic my partners hours are. He was insistent on me returning full time even though we can survive on one salary. My condition was that he would do pick up and drop offs at least once on the days that I work. Fast forward a couple of months and my husband is too busy to do any pick at all. This means that I am solely getting the children up, ready, to nursery, then to work, collection, dinner, bath and bedtime. They both wake frequently during the night, which he does help with, however, we are both up every night. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to help more?

Just tell him you're dropping your hours as he's not helping like he said he would and you can't do it all.

Dinner bath and bed time 7 days a week? He's taking the piss.

You are both working too much and this is not sustainable (or remotely enjoyable). So what's the point?

One of you needs to work less and focus more on the kids. Its you or him. Put that to him.

It isn't "helping" when they're his own children.

It's parenting, and he needs to step up and do his share.

You're not the default parent for everything.

BTW have you read the Ferber sleep training book? It would benefit all of you if the children slept through the night.

Aaah, the classic, "I am not going to agree to you working less because it has to be 'fair' but god forbid I should do my share of the non-work related tasks".

I'm be calmly but firmly telling him that the choices are 1. he steps up as he agreed to do or 2. You will be reducing your hours.

And frankly, him doing school run once a week is not exactly him taking on his share. Just FYI.

This nails it.

We agreed we would share the load, and you're not fulfilling your obligations as a PARENT (hes not helping, its his kid).

This will get worse if you continue to fill the gap and be the only parent, rather than holding him to account.

Make him do it, or make him do something else equivalent or you make the rod for your back heavier?

In answer to your OP; you are not expecting enough.

Why isn't he doing half the drop offs and pick ups? Half the bed times? Half the cooking and cleaning?

That is the bare minimum he should be doing as an equal partner, anything less than that and he's taking the piss

Surely the two days you’re in the office you just need to get up, get yourself ready and leave. He needs to be responsible for everything else

Yep!