Hormones, libido, husband, agghhhh

[frustrationx10000]

NC for this but regular poster.

I'm 39, dh is 50. Hes never had a particularly high sex drive and also has ED which he takes Viagra or equivalent for. Due to this and having young dc, sex has dwindled to about 1-2 times a month and generally has to be scheduled around kids being in bed and little blue pills being taken. Not the most erotic but generally fine with me.

However (and I'm not sure if this is because I'm perimenopausal) when I'm ovulating I'm super horny for the period of about a week. It's like a switch flicks on and I'm just constantly wanting sex, thinking about sex, I even dream about it! I realise this is a biological, hormone related thing and generally it doesn't last more than a week but I'm finding it sooooo frustrating during this time that I don't have a more active sex life and dh essentially has very little interest.

Example I have tried flirty texting him while we're working and he just ignores or changes the subject. I try initiating more sex but the practicalities and lack of alone time do make it hard. I just long for someone who is a bit more passionate and sexual.....for this one week only and when it's over I'm perfectly happy back in my slippers with dh.

I would never leave him. He's a great husband and father but I think I just somehow need to find ways to cope with my frustration during this one week of the month. Like I said, the rest of the time I can take it or leave it but it's like I become obsessed leading up to ovulation. Is this normal?!

Trying to make somebody who just doesn’t have much of a libido interested in sex by talking sexy to them is a bit like trying to give somebody who just isn’t hungry an appetite by talking to them about steak and chips. Neither appetite really works that way!

If you already have to schedule sex then (assuming your cycle is regular) would focusing on scheduling it for that particular week not work better?

Otherwise, it’s sex toys or an open relationship, really.

@ComtesseDeSpair yes we do try and schedule it for this week and it's fine. We both enjoy it and it relieves my frustration for a while.

I just wish sometimes there was a bit more spark and sexuality in our relationship. I'm brimming with it at the moment and it just feels like there's nowhere for it to go. I get he has a lower libido, he always has. But he doesn't seem to care about how it feels for me.

I feel the same- 39 and so horny from day 1 of period to day 16. I think it’s natures way of trying to have a final baby!!
can you talk to him about how you feel for this week?
sometimes my dp still wants to please me even though he’s tired etc as he knows it’s my horny time.
I actually went to GP about it because I was like a dog on heat- she said it was normal

I have zero libido mainly due no oestrogen. I also ignore sex talk. It's a turn off in that it makes me anxious.

No easy answer I'm afraid but it's tricky for both parties.

Same. I can't take hrt because of previous breast cancer. It's tricky when the other partner has a high sex drive.

Don't get me wrong I don't just randomly start talking explicitly to him! But I just try and be a bit flirty rather than just general chit chat about what's for tea and did you peg the washing out. I just get nothing back. But on the rare occasions he is feeling up for it I feel like he just expects me to be available.

Omg you are me. I'm 42. I'm absolutely obsessed with sex around ovulation then a day or so before my period oddly, then have awful raging PMT. Think about it, dream about it, perv on DH constantly.
Fortunately DH is younger and will do whatever, he knows exactly when I'm ovulating as I'm so into it...you're def not the only one!

Lovehoney have a sale on… get a sex toy (I have their little black silicone bullet, rechargeable, amazing) and have a long bath…

Have you tried organising for two nights in a row? It can be easier while the mood is still present, iyswim.

The problem is that society conditions both men and women into believing that men "need" sex and have the high libidos and women (especially older women) hate sex/suffer through it to "keep their husbands happy".

This leads to women feeling guilty, frustrated and ashamed for having a higher sex drive.

It also enables the men to ignore the issue or act like it's the woman's problem to just get over because normal women aren't like that.

It's a very interesting hypocrisy because women are told if they stop having sex with their husbands the men will cheat... Whereas in the same position women should be content that "he is a good man".

An open relationship isn't as crazy as it may seem. Not willing to get to detailed without a name change, but if the relationship is otherwise solid then it can work.

The other alternative is getting into things like erotic novels and self pleasure. Some people will say to exercise, but I find the endorphins from that make me crave sex more.

Another vote for investing in a great vibrator