Am I being sneaky or sensible?

[iCantStopppEating]

My child is in year 5 currently and I’m thinking of taking her out of her all through school which is rare as everyone stays. I have my reasons but don’t want to go into them. The thing is she has made friends last year with a lovely girl and they’re very close so her best friend basically. I don’t know whether to mention to the girls mum or just wait till we have decided.

One option is a grammar school which is very unlikely she will get in as it’s very competitive so it’s no point even saying we trying but we will get her to do the test but as I said very unlikely. The other option is the local secondary school near us which we are in the catchment area for.

I don’t know what to do. She’s currently in a private school and we intended to stay till at least GCSE’s but for reasons I rather not get into it looks unlikely we can.

am I overthinking? Shall I just see what happens. We have a whole year at least to make a decision. But I can’t help feeling I’m maybe being a little “sneaky” If that’s the correct word by not telling the mum of my DD’s best friend. I’m just feeling sad for her as they are close but on the other hand if I do tell them we might be leaving she might encourage her DD to invest in other friendships. So sorry if I’m sounding like I’m overthinking it’s just taken a while for my daughter to find her little group of friends along with this best friend. It used to break my heart that she would talk about class parties she’s not been invited to and play dates she’s not been invited to. I feel she’s finally fitting in. But truthfully we can’t afford the secondary school fees it’s too much of a jump especially now with added VAT. I know people hate private schools but could someone please advise me the same if I had not mentioned the private aspect.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable OP. I think you’re doing the right thing by choosing when/if to tell people too.
I have some personal experience to share. My parents were unable to continue paying fees for a private school I went to and decided it was best if I changed schools at the end of year 3. I wasn’t told until the start of the last half term before we were due to break up for summer. I can still remember Mum telling me and being really upset.

We had a conversation about it. Mum said it was up to me if I wanted to tell anyone but pointed out it might be awkward for me if people knew I was leaving. In the end I decided I didn’t want to tell anyone.

I only had one close friend and didn’t tell them. I think what really helped me adjust in the end was although I had mixed feelings about leaving, we were due to have one of the horrid teachers as our form teacher the following year. I remember feeling relieved I wouldn’t be there the more I thought about it.

At that age (few months before 9th birthday) I hated attention being on me, so Mum definitely made the right call in not telling my friend’s mother or anyone else I’d be leaving. I’d have hated a fuss and people asking me questions. In the end Mum only told the headteacher I wasn’t coming back on the last day of term. Nothing was said to me at school.

Didn’t hear from my friend in the school holidays. I started at the new school in September. Mum had a phone call from my friend’s mother during the second week of the new term. Apparently my friend was really upset I wasn’t there and wanted to change schools too! I stayed in contact with that friend for a good few years after that.

Your DD may be completely different to how I was and perhaps might want her friend to know.

@iCantStopppEating

yes, that's reasonable.

Good luck whatever school you decide on!!

@Sladuf thank you for sharing your experience.

Surely you need to be preparing your daughter mentally that she’s not going to be staying in the current school. And also preparing her if she’s taking the 11+ even if you’re not doing any tutoring you need to tell her if you’re asking her to sit an exam. What she then tells her friend and whether friend then tells her own mum is secondary to what you need to communicate through your daughter.