To ask if anyone has left the City?

[ByOpalRobin]

I have a City finance job, very intense deal driven, very long hours, an expectation to be on call 24/7. Definitely no part time or compressed hours option. Pay is good, but have a London mortgage.

Solo parent on mat leave, no support from a partner or family.

I will need to go back to work in the next month. Did not realise how much I would enjoy being at home. Had no idea how I’d feel about the baby. I don’t want to go back. I can’t bear the thought of baby in full time nursery, he won’t know me. Cannot afford a nanny. Don’t know if the job is even possible to do as a parent.

Has anyone left a similar job without a partner to financially support the change? What have you done? Are you happier? Should I keep going as I’ve spent my entire adult life working for this career, passed countless exams, to show baby that the glass and class ceilings can be smashed etc.? Has anyone gone back to work full time in a ‘big’ job when baby is still small and it’s been fine?

YABU - get a grip, stop moaning from your gilded cage and go back to work. You chose to have a baby knowing full time nursery was the only option.

YANBU - you have options - here are some suggestions in the comments.

I left the City before I became a Mum. Because I knew I would never want to juggle that sort of job and parenting. I don’t even know how you’d do it without a nanny/partner/family support because surely nurseries aren’t open long enough to cover the hours?

As for leaving - what are your savings like? Are you interested in any other careers? Could you downsize or leave London to reduce mortgage? Practically you will probably have to go back for a bit if you are due back before the end of this year as you won’t have much time to put different plans into place but you can certainly start thinking about options.

Could you speak to a recruiter to work out some options?

Can you move to a cheaper area?

I kept the job, and my baby (now two and a half year old) has done great in nursery. It was very very daunting at first, but once used to it, it's okay.

However I definitely don't do anywhere near as much at work as I did pre children. I do my work, I leave on time (or early and work on the train) I catch up on work in the evenings after bedtime and will check email and phone for anything urgent. Hybrid office/home working makes a huge difference.

Having the second baby is where it's all becoming more of a challenge for me.

I'd say give it a go and save up. If it's not tenable, look for something else. Speak to recruiters - there will be jobs for your skill set that won't require those hours (you can pm me if you want - I now have fairly family friendly hours in a similar profession)

Yes nurseries aren’t open anywhere near long enough. I know a few couples who both have City jobs, they have a couple of hours with the kids in the evening where they work on their phones and then log back on properly until the early hours once the kids are in bed. I had assumed that this is what I’d do.

i have savings but spent most of them on the property, i bought post pandemic pre Truss when prices were at their highest so I’d probably lose money if I sold the property now. In terms of careers, I don’t know what else there is that I could do, I’d love to retrain and do something totally different, but that’s not realistic. I would probably look for something similar to my current job but outside of the City - I think hours are still pretty bad but better.

Similar to you I’m wanting to leave the city as feeling burned out and lost the energy for it (blaming peri menopause…)

I’ve got a solid 10 working years left at least, perhaps 15 and I’m in the early stages of exploring how I can still monitise my skill set and experience whilst stepping off the corporate treadmill.

If you find the magic rainbow please do share 😁

The hours you are describing - you should be able to afford a nanny, otherwise you are underpaid. I come from IBD where the hours you are describing are common but at VP and above you are making 300+ and nanny is what. 40k? Otherwise, absolutely change jobs. It’s not value for money. People I know who are mid/backoffice make less but still good money but the hours are definitely not like what you are describing. Is switching tk corporate an option? Can still be tough but hours will be better. Still, as a single parent, a high intensity job is only doable with a nanny. Otherwise you’ll drive yourself to early graves with nursery closures, sicknesses, limited hours etc.

Nobody says on their death bed they wish they’d spent more time at work.

After my first baby I took a sideways step out of a transactional role into something that was more management related, within the same team in the bank I worked for.

There wasn't the same buzz of doing deals, and I got leapfrogged by a couple of colleagues, but I was able to work predictable hours and on a part time basis.

Fast forward and I have been able to use the skills learned over that time in my current interesting and more senior role.

I'd suggest looking at lateral opportunities, but also not to give up the career you've spent time and effort building up.

I found nannies (and subsequently au pairs) to be a better option than nursery, taking into account longer days, travel, and not having to rush to get little people out of the house. Expensive, but potentially worthwhile for a few years.

My DC are now late teens and I really feel that I've been able to be a good Mum whilst also maintaining my career.

It's all about priorities. If you love your job and/or want to be well off more than you want time with your child then you will find a way to work.
Not the choice I made but I'm skint, (though now do a less pressured job that I love).
I also love my job as it is adding positives to the world rather than just making money.