Considering leaving my career for a job.

[Cheepcheepcheep]

Two DC, aged 4 and 2. 4 is due to start school in September 2025.

I currently bring home £3.5k a month, DH £4k (after pensions). At the moment, when you factor in my commute costs plus childcare I’m making about £400 profit - not inconsiderable but a piffling amount for the responsibility of my role.

Nursery is 8am - 6pm and we flex hours - we’re a 45m train from home when in the office, and need to allow 1.5h from nursery to desk and vice versa. So if we both have to be in I do drop off and get to desk 9.30, DH gets to work 8.30am so he can leave 4.30 to do pick up.

We’re barely surviving. No spare cash and never any time for doing anything that isn’t work or childcare.

When DD starts school it’s going to be insane. At best, if we can get her in after school and breakfast club (which I hate the idea of after a long day learning) we’re going to be pelting to get both before pick up/in time for drop off and getting to work. We both theoretically can work from home 2 days a week but it has to be around client demands so I can’t guarantee that we could have 4 days of one of us WFH (so only one day a week is insane). There could easily be 3 days a week where we’re trying to pick up both before 6pm.

Like I say we are already exhausted and when school starts it’s going to be 1000 times harder.

I have a degree and a professional qualification but jobs in my area only exist in major cities. Can’t move further into London (can’t afford it and wouldn’t want to, we have family here). Can’t do my actual job locally. I’d need to go back to secretarial/PA stuff that I did when getting qualified. I’m 10 years qualified now and have worked my way up. Would I BU to chuck in everything I’ve worked for?

I’m good at my job and dedicated but I’m not working at even 60% my best at the moment and I don’t think I’m parenting at 60% either, I’m spread too thin.

At the same time, I’m a feminist, I’m bright and I know I’ll need the pension. And that in 12 years this won’t be a factor (very far away mind!) This feels insane on £110k pre tax take home but I can’t see a solution other than me taking a much lower paid local job.

Reason for living where we do is one very ill parent and the other parent being a carer for them, so no support but only way to maintain a relationship. Sibling lives nearby with a very new baby - scope for some mutual support in the future but certainly not for the next few years.

Gently OP - you're giving up your life for other people here. Are you sure that you really need to live where you live?

Your ill parent has a carer. There is also a sibling nearby - yes, with a new baby - but still nearby. I understand the urge to support your parent - really, I do (I have personal experience too) - but you giving up a high flying career for it - well, everything there is the wrong way around. You need to build your own life.
If you give up everything to care for your parent, you might regret it in the future.

Giving up your career is a huge thing to do. Please just be careful with your decisions here and put yourself at the forefront.

How much "profit" do you think most people make from their jobs after paying their bills?

Would taking a step back in your career really be temporary? If so, and you can afford to do it, then maybe it’s worth it.
I work part time, FAR from a six figure salary, pay nursery fees for the days I work and commuting costs too (fully office job). I still have more than £400 “in the pocket” and don’t have to deal with half of the responsibility at work as you do. It’s not easy, but I have the right balance in life at the moment.
My career has definitely been set back though. DH and I top up my pension so I’m not losing out there as far as possible, but technically my pension pot would be better working full time/higher paid position. BUT the quality time I get with my family means far more to me. I don’t think I’ll ever look back and think I wish I’d worked more hours and had less time with my children.
I do also know that I’m capable of more professionally when I’m not spread so thinly, so when I’m in a position to I’ll get up to my previous level again. But now just isn’t the time for me or the rest of the family.
It doesn’t pass me by that these are sacrifices few men have to make, but not liking that fact doesn’t change the situation at hand.
Find as much happiness as you can when you can because life is precious.

Yes I was coming on to say this. Aren’t you both paying for childcare out of both your incomes?

I think that the exact scenario you're describing is why so many women end up going part time or changing jobs when they have children.
I think the biggest concern as others have mentioned is the long term issues if you were to split up with your partner.
Otherwise, yes it can make home life so much more manageable to have a job you can leave behind at the end of the day, to have flexibility with pick ups/drops offs etc.
My husband earned double my salary before we had kids so it was a no brainer for me to go part time as we could only get my daughter in nursery 3 days a week. (I do one day WFH but usually on the weekend to catch up)
We're also dreading the crossover where we have 1 kid in nursery and 1 at school. When they're both in school I plan to go back to 5 days a week but within school hours. (I'm in a company where I am needed and have some bargaining power to negotiate my hours)
I could earn more money elsewhere but with much less flexibility and still no where near my husbands salary. So I stay here to make things work for family life because that's my priority. Though I've never been career driven, I'm much more interested in a job that works around my personal life rather than my job being my main focus.
I think the difficulty for you may be that when your kids are older, are you going to be bored of the PA job? How easy will it be to get back into your career if you wanted to?
Honestly, it depends what works for you, some people want to prioritise time with their kids at this age, others want to maintain their career. There's not really a right or wrong, just depends what you feel will make you and your family happiest.

I hear you, OP, but no, don't do it. It's medium term tough for long-term gain. Being a part-time PA won't make life any easier, and will make things significantly harder for you long-term.

Can you both push for set wfh days, both of you. E.g. dh agrees with his work no imperson meetings on Monday and Tues as wfh, and you do the same for Wed and Thurs.