Worried I'm not giving my daughter a good enough life

[Illjusthavethebreadsticks]

I feel guilty that I'm not giving my daughter 12 a good enough life.

She's austistic and hasn't been to school for over a year while a specialist school is looked for as she can't cope with mainstream. It's just me and her and I work from home to look after her, she currently has a tutor as I have to work and can't home school. She's really isolated as finds it impossible to make friends due to her severe social anxiety. She isn't interested in joining any clubs. She hates leaving the house.

We have a tiny family as sadly lost my mum and sister within the last few years.

She sees her dad and adores him but he doesn't live with us as we aren't together anymore.

Come Christmas, birthdays etc and it's just us two that she receives presents from. I'm constantly trying to over compensate to make her feel happy.

I want her to have a happy life and it makes me so sad.

You sound like a loving parent who understands her needs and prioritises her well-being. That matters so much more than how many presents she gets ♥️ I’m sure things are very hard for you at times but the advantages she gets from having two loving parents who care about and support her is worth more than anything material.

Kids, ND or not, need parental attunement most of all. It sounds as if she has that in spades. Her life will get bigger again when she's back in school, assuming an appropriate place can be found for her. Is there any progress on that?

Oh OP, I completely understand how you feel

It's just me and my autistic 5 year old girl

She's lucky to have you and her dad, as kids really need strong, sane and loving parents more than anything (be it, a single mum or dad or whoever is raising them)

Have you tried your local boroughs stay and play sessions - do they go up to that age?

I find them quite flexible, and if you explained your situation, I'm sure they'd let you take dd along, to get her into a routine of going outside

I think routine outings to low stress places is the best place to start, op

Perhaps you could have a routinely weekly shop, on weekday mornings (if you can swing an hour off work) where she goes to buy fruits and essentials? To the same shop at the same time. For us, every Friday we go to lidl so my girl can pick out a donut. Sounds weird but she likes it and now understands how the shopping process works

Perhaps you could take her to a local park, early on a Saturday morning (it's getting colder but could give you both some exercise. Our local one has a basketball court, so we'd go early before the big boys arrived)

Maybe you could go swimming weekly, again early on a weekend to avoid young people?

You're not alone op, lots of parents are like us, as I've found on mumsnet.

I've decided to embrace this winter and make sure we enjoy it. You can't help that you don't have any family. What you can do is make the best of life now.

For example, I put together a massive ball of gingerbread dough, and after school, my girl helps bake one gingerbread man a day for her lunch the next day.

Sorry for the long post 😅, I'm just in a similar boat and have felt the exact same as you. We are lucky that my girl has a sen school but it's still just us outside of it ❤️

Ps, you sound like a loving mum x

You sound like you are really doing well with your DD. She needs to feel safe and obviously does with you.
Does she ever wish she had friends, ask about friends etc. I understand that our children having friends is very important to us, but is your daughter happy with how things are? Being ND, people have different views on relationships and although important to us, it may not be for them, it also doesn't mean they are missing out.
I have a close friend who has a ND son. She was trying to give him enjoyable exciting experiences that she had given her oldest DS. She realised it was doing nothing for him, often caused him extra anxiety and she changed her perspective. Although she is saddened by this she can see he is happy which is the important thing.

Is there any ND groups in your area for your dd? I know it might not appeal yet but it might help in the near future to making friendships.
But you are not letting your child down.
You sound like a fabulous mum and is putting her very best interests at heart to even feel the way you do proves that.

I have no advice but I wanted to say it sounds like you are doing an AMAZING job in very difficult circumstances
I hope things improve for you soon and some suitable educational placement is found for your DD

The fact you worry about being a good enough mum already means that you are one ❤️

You've got this. The only thing I could suggest is maybe a club or activity that you could do together one evening like a fun exercise class or something crafty where you could both makes friends but she's got you there for support.

Girlguiding offer cloud units (virtual) for girls who can’t attend in person units.
https://www.girlguiding.org.uk/what-we-do/blog/cloud-units/

Does she like animals, like horses for example? It might encourage her out if she can go to a riding for the disabled group.

You sound like you’re doing a brilliant job and a lovely Mum.

I’m a lone parent and I sometimes have feelings that my 12 year old DD is missing out on certain things. It’s not easy but I try to remember in these times that she is safe, healthy and very much loved.