DH doesn’t initiate sex

[Cheesespaghetti]

Just as the title says.
I’m always the one to initiate it.
Once we get going it’s always great sex and he makes sure I orgasm.
Lots of foreplay etc. the sex has always been good with him, compared to my other partners.

I’ve asked him and he says he doesn’t want to feel like he’s forcing me. I said he doesn’t make me feel like that and sometimes it would be nice to not initiate. Even though it’s great sex once we get going, it’s always quite awkward to begin with. Intimacy and affection don’t come naturally to him, I think he’s got autistic traits, but nothing confirmed.

No one else can relate?

Hi, I have this exact situation with my DH. Even down to the likely autistic traits and him feeling like he might be forcing me if he initiates it. We had a conversation. I have categorically assured him that if I am not in the mood I will let him know and that it's nice for him to initiate it sometimes as makes me feel desirable and probably overall increases my sex drive. It's really helped and now I feel he is initiating more.

Similar to me. My husband is always up for it if I initiate and we have amazing sex, but he is rarely the one to initiate. We’ve talked about it and he understands where I’m coming from. His position is basically that because I know he is up for it whenever, he assumes that if I don’t initiate it’s because I don’t want to, and he only wants to have sex if I really want to as well.

I’ve explained to him that I want to feel desired too, and that I feel perfectly comfortable saying no if I’m not in the mood as I know he would never sulk or be moody about it. The conversation has helped to an extent but I still initiate most times. I’ve learned to live with it - it’s who he is! And I appreciate that he is working on it.

I can kind of relate but why get caught up in this and potentially spoil something great by pushing for perfection?

If your partner never initiates, it's natural to think that they don't want to have sex with you and they are only participating out of duty/obligation.

This would make me uncomfortable. I like it to be initiated by both of us, and sometimes at the same time. I'd hate to never have an affectionate moment turn passionate unless I pushed for it, it'd totally put me off. It's not fun when it's always on you.

I think you need to sit him down and explain. If his only worry is he's pushing you for it, and he's not, and it's not that he doesn't want it...well, that can be changed. It's not like he's being forced to have sex he doesn't want (which would be wrong), he just needs to get comfortable and put a bit of effort in.

I've had this conversation with my DH. He explained it as an overcorrection/desire to be respectful to me. Men absorb messages about how men are pigs and all they think about is sex, so some men hesitate to initiate to show that they're not treating their partners as sex objects.