AIBU - to be completely fed up with my family?

[UppsyDaisy]

This has been getting me down for ages. My mum refers to me and dh as "the kids" (we're 36), my oldest brother often does not acknowledge my presence (like saying hi, how are you) when he meets me in company (even when I'm sat in his kitchen) and I just feel like we are literally the poor relations. Both my older siblings are well off (self made) with really nice houses, and second housees where we spend Christmas. No one would dream of coming to ours even tho me and dh are pretty good cooks. I just feel like we're constantly not respected as equals and dismissed. This of course has the effect that sometimes it makes me feel like acting childishly which is ridiculous! I've got a decent job in London, a beautiful child, great friends, a nice (but small) home. What more can I do? Will it be like this for ever??

thats terrible ynbu have you talked to them about this?

No. Don't want to rock the boat. My mum would probably just brush off the "the kids" thing and the whole status issue would probably make her feel in a difficult situation with the others.
I occasionally kick off with the oldest brother, but, as is the way when you're constantly suppressing stuff it just gets blurted out and comes out a bit stroppily adn eratic.

Going home for Christmas or occasions is always tricky. People often find they revert back to the role they had as children. It's the easy way to deal with family, isn't it?

When you were kids, was your brother rude to you? Dismissed you then? Is it behaviour carrying on from that time?

Maybe don't see them as often for a while. Don't go for Christmas. Spend it with people who make you feel good. Your family will miss your presence, you know. Meanwhile, you'll have had a nice Christmas without feeling upset or competitive.

I personally wouldn't bother embarking on a mission to change their behaviour towards you. You can only change your response to them. Just always be polite and friendly.

By the way, if you live in London, your house must be worth near the same as your siblings even if it is smaller? It just shows how pointless this type of competition is.

Sorry to bang on about competition but I got the sense that money and how much of it you have is a big issue for your sense of standing within your family.

It is. I can't help comparing myself with them as essentially we all started off with the same, and it's not actually the money really, it's sort of the success factor if you know what I mean. Yeah, I was always kind of, or at least felt, dismissed as a kid as I'm quite a bit younger than them (5 adn 7 years). You make some good points thanks, about changing my response to them. It's something I'm trying but it's so difficult!

Oh I know it's tricky. I'm still the youngest sister out of several brothers. I just keep schtum these days though and don't bother with trying to change their opinions of me. I accept that they will never change but it doesn't make or break my happiness.

It sounds like you have made a good life for yourself and your child. That's the most important thing. Don't "do" anything more for your siblings apart from friendly interest and don't expect them to regard your successes with more than vague interest.

Yes that's good advice actually if I expect less then it won't bother me!