For feeling so broken postpartum

[Stillhere3]

Currently 12 weeks postpartum. I don’t have any mum friends to speak to to gage if my issues are normal. Still struggling with piles. Thought the wound where I had stitches could have opened up as it feels very swollen and sore and looks strange when I’ve looked in the mirror. Hate how I look. Don’t feel close to my partner as the thought of having sex terrifies me. Sometimes I don’t even recognise the person i see in the mirror. Had a brief moment where I thought I could have experienced a prolapse. Everything about my postpartum body scares me as I don’t feel I have any support around me. I just want to get back to how I used to be, thought it would be at the 6 week mark but still far from it.

Bump

It gets easier. You start to get over the trauma (which is exactly what it is)

Give it time 💖

It takes a long time to recover from birth, mentally as well as physically. Sorry to say you won't be 'the same' any time soon, you will have a new normal. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to heal. I'm 12 months post partum and my body is very different now but I try to think about what an amazing job it has done. I know its hard though.

The reason I had one and one only, too masochistic for me. Wish you well x

You poor sausage! Have you seen a postpartum physio? If not I highly recommend!

Hi, I completely understand. 12 weeks is still so early - your body has taken 9 months to grow a baby. Everything has shifted, hormones are up and down, it's a massive life adjustment.

I am 7 months pp and my body often feels broken. I have a prolapse, which I started to feel at 2 weeks pp. The GP fobbed me off and told me there's nothing wrong, so I went back and she reluctantly referred me to a pelvic floor physio, who diagnosed me with a grade 1 prolapse. So my advice is definitely make an appointment to get checked out - and push for a referral if you know you're not feeling right.

My prolapse symptoms have improved at 7 months pp but I still feel it at certain points of the month. My specialist recommended these pelvic floor support shorts which help hold everything up. They do help: https://www.win-health.com/evb-sport-pelvic-support-shorts

Re your stitches - you need to go back and get this looked at asap. I know it feels all too overwhelming with all the appointments, baby vaccinations, information etc. You're doing really well, but this is important.

Everything will feel strange with your body. For me, the last thing I wanted to do was be physical with my partner - I had just pushed a baby out! It's so understandable. Have you spoken to your partner about how you feel? Maybe just focus on getting lots of hugs , massages from them, to make you feel special and loved.

While I got back to pre-pregnancy weight quickly, I still struggle with body image as my hips and ribcage are wider. My stomach is also less firm. I focused on buying myself some new clothes that I feel comfortable in, and try to get out every day for a walk.

If you're breastfeeding, that can also be draining on the body. It can give you a back ache, so try using a support pillow if you're not already

Things have improved for me slowly but it's a journey. I completely understand.

There's an app called Peanut, which connects you with local mums. I've met one lady on there who I would now consider a friend. Local baby groups are also helpful and a great support. You're not alone

I remember crying every day for weeks feeling like my body was completely destroyed after birth. It was a slow recovery but take it a week at a time and things will improve op. It's not like any other trauma like a big operation where following it you can rest and recover and take it easy. Having to look after a newborn with so much going on physically and mentally is so so hard. I only had one child because I couldn't face that first six months again, it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm a few years on now and those days feel like a (bad) dream.

I remember this feeling so well - the shock of what had happened to my body was awful and seemingly ongoing. But it did improve and I went on to have another two children, feeling shocked each time but at least knowing there was a way back!

You will feel better, this is not for ever. Definitely ask for help.

I completely understand ♥️

I think it was easily a year or 18 months before I could say I felt ‘normal’ after giving birth. It took such a long time for everything to settle down and feel ok again. For a long time I truly felt like it never would.

I definitely think you should see your doctor to work out exactly what’s going on with the piles / potential prolapse concerns. You deserve support and treatment for these issues, which are very common but not something you have to just put up with.

I promise that a day will come when you feel back to yourself and at home in your body. Give yourself grace and generosity in the meantime.

Sorry to hear this op. It def takes ages to heal. I had episiotomy years ago he 20s now but god it was desperate. It might take another while. xx

You poor thing, I so sympathise. I remember sitting in the bath when my baby was a few weeks old and crying because I realised for the first time that my body would never be the same again. It's not talked about enough. People blithely talk about "getting your old body back" but I don't think you ever do really, and while that's not surprising when you consider the wondrous thing it's been through, a few weeks post partum is not the best time to figure that out for yourself.

Do take the pp's advice about the medical help and support you should be getting for yourself. This is the toughest time, when the midwife and HV visits have stopped, your partner has gone back to work and all the attention has started to fizzle out. It will get better, honestly. x

Like the PP I also have a prolapse which was dismissed by drs. Pelvic floor physio was a good send. After my first birth my piles were horrendous, they did get better than they were at 12 weeks but my second pregnancy cemented that my arse would never be the same again and I had an operation at the beginning of the year.
It took me a year to come somewhere near physical normality and 9 months to mentally sort myself out. I went on to have another baby (2year3m age gap) and my second post natal experience was night and day. I had a wonderful time (and no stitches!) and I rested sooooo much after the birth.
I'm pregnant again and honestly think just the knowledge that you might not be "bouncing back" at that magical 6 weeks mark makes everything a little easier.
Try not to worry your body is amazing and it took a long time to grow that little baby, it's still recovering. Take care of yourself.

I’m six months postpartum and learning to adjust to my new normal. I had forceps so have been left severely damaged.

My episiotomy and anal fissure have become chronic and never healed, there’s nothing more the doctors can do so that’s just me now. My pelvic floor no longer exists, so far physio has done nothing, but I still have some hope that it could improve. I certainly won’t be able to ever have sex or do any form of exercise again!

Unfortunately the experience has taught me that the medical profession know nothing about women’s bodies and I should have sucked up the cost and paid to give birth at a private hospital as the NHS isn’t functional.

Go private if you possibly can, not that it makes much difference as there is no treatment or cure for these issues, but private doctors will at least see you, do tests and give you a prognosis whereas the NHS doctors refuse to see postpartum women (I was told only the GP practice nurse can see me, she was very dismissive and just said she’s seen worse and to do pelvic floor exercises).

It’s a new normal rather than a healing journey for me as no one has been able to help at all. Hopefully you will heal but accept it might not happen.

I felt exactly like this. I had a difficult birth with my first (and a 9 year gap between them and my second because of it!) and I felt completely traumatised physically. I had an episiotomy and it took about 6 months to feel “ok” - I had it checked many times but with that and the piles I just felt awful. It really does take a lot of us a lot longer to feel normal than others would have you believe. Be kind to yourself.

It often does better (though sometimes you do need medical help). I had 2 close together and it was 1 year after my 2nd and I cried because I thought that was how I now was (I think the haemorrhoid had gone but I still had some small anal fissures and also I peed a bit when I coughed/sneezed). And it was actually within a couple of months of that year-mark that it improved a lot.

I'd say now, 2 years after my 2nd, I have a slightly weaker bladder and slightly rounder tummy and a few more wrinkles but no other real signs I had 2 babies.

I remember this feeling well. I had a long labour and then an EMCS with my first. It felt like the worst of both worlds. And then battled with BFing for far too long before expressing round the clock before I finally ‘gave in’ and gave formula. Best decision I ever made, but by then I was pretty broken.

Nobody speaks about this enough.

I was incredulous when friends were pregnant within a few months of a birth, I couldn’t relate at all.