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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Young son hitting his mother

32 replies

Sheri99 · 04/11/2024 07:49

When my daughter became a mother, her first born was a son. She never disciplined him physically and did the "time out" routine. At about age 4 he began to swing at her and hit her, hard enough to hurt. She would try to put him into time out for it but he would of course get up several times during these time outs and scream at her, pitch fits, attempt to hit at her again, rather attacking her. He was not totally out of control as I would notice he would have his eye on me - almost as if he was expecting me to do something. What would you have done, 1) as a mother, in my daughter's position; 2) as her mother, his grandmother? Am I being unreasonable to think I was correct by just walking away from the situation, i.e.,"Not my circus, not my monkey"?

OP posts:
Sheri99 · 04/11/2024 08:50

Dontlletmedownbruce · 04/11/2024 08:46

The way a person reacts to their child when alone at home may be different to when they are being scrutinised in public or even by a family member. She may not always ignore. Why not just ask if that happens again would you like me to step in or leave you alone? You can also talk to the child alone, i don't mean berate him or anything but say 'I'm feeling sad because I saw you hit your Mum'. It might make him think next time I don't want gran to see my bad behaviour, at least it would be one less situation for your DD to deal with.

Thanks, good perspective, hadn't thought of that immediately. Great solution, actually.

OP posts:
ToMeToYou2 · 04/11/2024 08:55

What do you mean "they were transferred/ moved away" so you dont know if it got any better?

Don't you have contact? Have you not seen your daughter and grandchildren?

fatphalange · 04/11/2024 08:58

It sounds like you have a distant relationship with your DD and are looking for strangers to 'back up' instances where you let her down.

Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead · 04/11/2024 09:14

You are enabling this awful behaviour op.

HarkALark · 04/11/2024 13:18

"Rather wondered at my daughter being so rather passive".

I'm rather wondering at your passivity OP. From this comment it sounds to me like you think her parenting style is enabling this?

Cornflakes44 · 05/11/2024 14:35

What is the point in this post? It sounds like this happened many years ago. Some 4 year olds hit and lash out. It sounds like your daughter was handling it, ie had chosen to ignore the bad behaviour. This is a valid strategy. It's not like she was in any danger and I imagine he's not still doing it. So what's the issue? Why spend your time thinking about it and posting about it years later? Is it because you want to use this example to talk about how permissive younger mothers are now, and how gentle parenting is crap and children are all out of control. Because there are countless threads by older women on this exact topic.

OhDearMuriel · 05/11/2024 14:55

You should have supported her and not walked away.

This 'monkey' as you put it, will end up being a bully if he's not stopped.

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