To be horrified at my menopausal weight gain?

[Midlifebloat]

Late 40’s and I’m menopausal.

Ive been horrified at the weight gain on my belly!

I’ve always had a flat stomach. Pear shaped, but slim.

could eat loads and still be a size eight.

I’ve put on a stone in the last few weeks. All on my stomach.

AIBU for being horrified and thinking I can fight this decline?

IMO the distress I have myself felt over my weight gain, and similar sentiments I see from other women about my age here in this thread, comes from society's expectations on how women should look. We are supposed to look forever young and fuckable, if we age out of that narrow definition we become invisible. Weight gain on the belly that so many of us get at menopause means we no longer have a smaller waist, we no longer fit society's definition of what a woman should look like, we're no longer fuckable and so we become invisible middle aged women.

I know this all intellectually, but I still don't want it for myself. I don't care what men think of me and I don't want them to view me as fuckable, but I also do not want to become invisible and dismissed as irrelevant due to my age and sex. So for me, it's not about wanting to be desired, it's about not wanting to be disrespected.

But then there's always a level of disrespect we get from society as women. We're too often viewed as service animals for men, sexbots for men, or irrelevant and discarded. I hate it. The older I get, the angrier I get about this shit.

Please, please make an appointment with your GP. I ignored weight gain on my abdomen for months and blamed the menopause. It turned out I had Stage 3 uterine cancer.

As well as putting on weight perimenopause causes bloating too which can make your stomach look bigger than it is. If your stomach seems much more pronounced in the afternoon/evening, perhaps start looking at your diet as many people start to develop food intolerances in 40s and 50s. It is very unlikely that you will ever have the flat stomach/visible abs again unless you are prepared to live a very disciplined and restricted life. It is possible, but many people aren't prepared to do that. Some people do and they love it and don't feel restricted. I'm not one of those people lol. Like you I had a flat stomach and a six pack until this year, I'm 46. It's still ok, but I have a rounding of my stomach at the bottom which I will learn to live with as I'm generally healthy, eat well, exercise etc, but am not prepared to cut out treats and exercise to the level I would need to to be ripped in my late 40s and 50s. I'm working on learning to embrace the changes. Luckily DP is also getting a little belly too, so we're going through it together!

Well I think that’s sort of what I’m saying too.

Its grief that’s inflicted by opinion and bigotry more than anything ( because mere overweight is not significantly alarming healthwise, though plenty of Mners like to pretend you’ll immediately need a stent if you inch past a bmi of 25).

And women can be as bad as men at projecting the disrespect …

I have a large friend. If I’m honest she’s probably obese more than the peri spread we are discussing here, and I think it would benefit her health to lose some weight . But it’s other women who make her life hellish with their comments and I think that’s pretty sad.

And bravo to this mindset I say!

My weight went mad during menopause and I too looked like a space hopper. I tried to diet a couple of years ago with no luck. I started another 6 weeks ago and I’ve lost 12 pounds. I’m feeling much better now I’ve lost a bit. I’m trying to lose 20lbs more.

I do think a family history of weight-related health issues is cause to be a bit more strict about it all. Some people can be particularly prone.

But for many people it’s just societal pressure.

I'm older than you and can report that the struggle is real. I never ever worried about my weight, size 8/10, until about two years ago, but I have put on 3 kg that I can't shift, loose a bit, put a bit back on. Also I'm all tummy, slim everywhere else. The only things that I have found to have any effect are incredibly boring and hard to maintain long term (well for me) . Don't eat after 8pm, no butter (love buttery toast), no cake, sweets, biscuits and 10000 steps a day. It's such hard work and now it's dark earlier all I want to do is lie on the sofa stuffing my face.

You will notice @Midlifebloat, that the fat distribution on your body will start to change, as in, your fat will sit differently on your body.

At some point it will settle, and your weight will be easier to manage. However, every woman needs to really calibrate the food they eat and the sugar they consume during this time.

I found that a shift in emphasis in the clothes I wore was helpful.

I ws fat, now I'm more fat and it will never go away.

I guess I've decided I can either be a size 8 and have zero fun or size 12 and a few treats. Havn't decided which is for me yet!

I'm 49 and heavily overweight, and decided to go on a diet at the start of August. I was given the kick up the arse to get started because my blood test showed I was prediabetic.

I decided to go on keto, and I've lost 35lbs in three months, no injections and fuck all exercise.

I still have a load of weight to lose, so I've got a long way to go. But it's an amazing start, mainly because every time I've tried to lose weight before, nothing has really shifted.

What has really taken me by surprise is the changes in my body from cutting back on carbs. I eat LOADS of food still, and I'm never hungry. But cutting right back on carbs for keto has changed my body all over in ways that I didn't expect.

I'm not suggesting you go on keto if you don't have lots of weight to lose, but I'd seriously consider cutting back on carbs, which includes processed food and sugar. Carbs hold lots of water so when you eat lots of carbs you end up holding more water in your body even though you might not feel "bloated".

Honestly, give it a go. I was always of the mindset that "calories are calories" but I have seen how my body processes different types of calories in different ways.

Urgh. It is a very real thing.

I am naturally slim and have never dieted or had to concern myself with weight my whole life. I don't mean to come across as insensitive to those who have struggled, I have just been fortunate.

BUT, I am mid 50s now and been on HRT patches about 2 years. Didn't notice much change, until this year. I have put on loads, and I just cannot shift it. No matter what I try. It just keeps coming. Mine is bloat and arse but now this week I see a FUPA starting. WTF. I go to the gym the same as I always have, and haven't changed eating, but here we are.

What is upsetting me the most is that my clothes are just not fitting me now. I refuse to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe, so I am waiting for someone to come along and announce some miracle.

I thought maybe I was reacting differently to HRT, but I think I am just going to have to accept it.

Weight gain as you age is NOT inevitable.

I had always been petite and slim. I put on a lot of weight between 50 (menopause) and 60. I'd resigned myself to being fat, I thought I couldn't change it because I was older.

Just after my 60th birthday I was diagnosed with high BP. I hate doctors so decided to try and tackle the BP by healthier eating. I ate a healthy diet with loads of fruit, veg and salad. I cut way back on starchy carbs and ate protein with every meal. I ate much smaller portions and cut out processed foods. I didn't count calories, just ate healthily and only when I was hungry.

After three months of this my BP was normal and I had lost 5 kilos. After 6 months my BP was optimal and I'd lost 16kg. My BMI went from about 29 to 22.

That was three years ago. I'm 63 and I've maintained the healthy BP and the weight loss. If I'm out to dinner or on holiday I'll have a few treats ( I had a fun size Twix left over from the trick or treaters yesterday) but for the most part I stick to the healthy eating. I can wear a beautiful evening dress I bought 35 years ago, pre-DC and I have more energy than I did in my 30s when I was effortlessly slim but had a poor diet.

Do you think there is a chance that after we have been through peri and then out the other side, that things could just go back to some type of normal?

Congratulations on the weight loss and healthier lifestyle.

I already all of this, I do eat some carbs, but very little and not with protein. I exercise, am eating less and I am putting on a kg a week right now. It is just so frustrating.

I am, went into peri about 51 and if not in full menopause now, I am post. (I cant tell as had a random bleed so I am thinking hormones are a bit out of whack).

It feels like I am destined to put on a kg a week for the rest of my life right now.

I used to think exactly the same as you. That's how the weight crept on.

All I can say is what helped me lose weight at 60 yo and 10 years menopausal. As before loads of veg and fruit, v few carbs/sugar and having protein at every meal. Even snacks are protein based (hard boiled eggs, humus, chickpeas, even sardines if l need a flavour hit).

That being said, gaining a kilo a week is a lot. That would mean you are eating about 1000 calories a day than the 2000 or so most women need to get by. I get that's possible - I was probably doing that just in butter, cheese and wine some weeks but if that's not you, maybe you should be seeing a doctor?

Good luck.

I don’t know yet if it’s inevitable. I didn’t really try very hard to not be obese until I was 40 and I had a hysterectomy then I lost the weight intentionally. I am in a weird stage of peri menopause due to the surgery and also my age and having seen so many women talk about it being harder in menopause I decided to take action before menopause really hits just in case it’s far harder then than now.

You have to choose your version of miserable. If you think it’s a miserable life drinking less and eating less treat foods then don’t do that. If you are miserable as you are then you can change some things.

I found a difference cutting down on carbs and alcohol. I don’t really feel deprived of having a fun life. Depends what you see as fun. I was not in good health (pre diabetic) so I have redefined fun and my coping strategies to improve my health.

I agree with you that weight gain, especially in large amounts, isn't inevitable and that you can do things to manage/avoid this. However weight distribution changing is an inevitable part of ageing. For those of us who had washboard stomachs and six packs, it takes an extreme amount of discipline and restriction to maintain that in your 50s, and for some people in their 40s too. Only the most disciplined people could hope for that in their 60s. If the OP is prepared to embrace that lifestyle she can keep the washboard stomach, but for most people it's not sustainable, and being healthy, eating well and exercising regularly and embracing that our bodies will change is the most healthy way to be.

I think it can get easier once you are through menopause, I really do.

In peri I put on 3 stone and had no energy to exercise - all my oomph went.

Now I'm through, I'm at the gym 2 to 3 times a week to lift weights, I walk a lot, I'm considering going back to running. I'm cooking healthy meals, not drinking anywhere near as much.

Yes it's harder, I can't eat and drink anything I want which I could be peri. But I am managing to lose weight, tone up and my BP has come down.

I've still got a stone to go but taking it slowly I think I'll get there.

I also agree about the stomach, I had mine cut open and it looked awful for ages but I have managed to get it looking a lot better through consistent exercise. I will never have a washboard but it’s strong underneath and that’s what’s important to me not the visual outside as much

Sigh. After getting dressed today I am so tempted to buy an entire new wardrobe a size up. But it's so wasteful. And then where does it end? Instead I have done an hour in the gym.

I'm envious of all you ladies who untill mid 40s had a washboard stomach and were a size 8-10. Ive always had to be strict to maintain asize 12. I suspect most of the weight is on my boobs....desperate for a reduction and lift tbh.

All of this is so true. After a bit of a strange job interview last week I said to DH that I truly believe the overwhelming majority of men see women as second class citizens and sex objects. I think a lot of them think they are humouring us by allowing us into the workplace to make tea and set up meeting rooms and bonus points if we're nice to look at!

I got my first job at 18 because one of the married middle aged managers thought I was hot (he liked to tell me that he wanted to fuck me when he was drunk at the Christmas parties) and the same guy later refused to hire a perfectly normal looking middle aged woman who was perfect for the vacancy we had because he said she was "frumpy". He instead hired a younger woman who wasn't really suitable and she left soon after.

I wish I didn't care about my looks so much but I learned at a young age that it affects how people treat you. I'm 33 and I'm already terrified of ageing and not being seen as sexually attractive.

@Newterm. Exactly the same with me. I joined slimming world a few years ago and lost 4 stone. I have kept all the weight off. I don't go along anymore but I keep to my diet. I know it doesn't work for some people but it works for me. I am in my fifties and on HRT. I was a 16/18 and now a 10/12. I also excerise with weights, and Leg, bum and tums classes. Also walking the dogs helps.

I've had to watch my weight all my life. If I'm not tracking what I eat I just put weight on. That said, I've not noticed it becoming any more difficult in my 40s and I'm 49 now. It has just been impossible to get back to normal BMI ever since I had kids at 29 and 33. BMI is about 28 now but I am fit and healthy, cholesterol, blood sugar, iron, thyroid all good. I do 2 x weights sessions a week, 2x cardio and 1 x yoga. I cannot do any more exercise than I already do.

The only thing that has worked noticeably is 5:2 or Fast 800 but I can't do it long term as it doesn't fit with all the exercise I do and fasting seems to make me dizzy lately.