to really not know what the best thing is to do about this?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

DD (13) and I just had a bit of a heart to heart.

She had a sleepover on halloween and although it seemed to go ok, she didnt really talk much about it, which is unusual. She was with her father this weekend so didnt see her until this evening.

We often go to the Xmas lights switch on in the next town over and she wanted to go again and I said "Why dont we invite X (her best friend) as you and her had such a good time last year" and it was obvious there was an issue. After some careful probing she burst into tears and said "I was told I shouldnt tell anyone!". After my initial (in my head) panic and some more talking, it turned out that her three friends had been vaping. She had wanted me to come and get her but decided not to call as she didnt want them to fall out with her. She feels so much better for sharing it but doesnt want them to fall out with her if they get in to trouble as they will know it was her that split on them. I asked if she did it and she says she didnt. I do believe her as she is HF and has very clear ideas about what she will and wont do. This is also why she doesnt want to lose these friends as she (in her words) is "weird" and not many people get her.

I know one of the mums quite well and I know that she would want to know. I know one of the other mums (X;s mum) mainly through the sleepover thing and she wouldnt be ok with it either. The other mum I dont know at all but as they are 13 and two of the girls had their own vapes (X and the child of the mum I dont know) I cant imagine them being ok with it.

The child of the mum I know best I can imagine her doing it jsut to fit in.

What the hell do I do now? I suggested that DD talks to the girl that we both think just joined in due to peer pressue and go from there. DD feels that she half wants me to talk to their parents but half doesnt want me to. She really isnt worried about getting into trouble herself so I do believe that she didnt do it too.

"I did say that she should think about telling her friends how it made her feel and that she wont go to anymore sleepovers if they are going to do it again. She was very receptive to that."

Exactly this. Your DD can be the leader in this situation, not the follower. She can kindly explain to them the downsides of vaping (health risks and cost) and hope that it resonates with them and they realise it's not a cool thing to do. Everyone wants to "belong" to a social group - they can belong with each other in their group because they don't vape.

As a smoker who only quit through vaping a few years ago and is now struggling to quit vaping I respectfully disagree.

An addiction is an addiction. The way that the drug is delivered doesnt alter the fact that it is addictive.

They are 13 ffs, would you really think that your 13 year old using nicotine is "not that big a deal"?! I was 13 when I had my first cigarette. I am now 51, and only properly quit smoking in the last 5 years. It IS a big deal, especially when all the nice flavoured disposable vapes will be illegal in the UK from next June so they will either be using hooky ones, with who knows what in them, going on to actual smoking or going through nicotine withdrawal (really really hard FYI).