Contact with ex

[fearfulexchange]

New partner of 18 months (who I met six months after his split) has three children aged between 9-3 with his ex. She had an affair, he wanted to work it out she didn't.
The AIBU is they are in contact everyday, they go out all together and they will be spending Christmas together. If she rings he will drop everything to do what she wants.
I have two dd's who are late teens who he has met, my ex up and left never to be seen again so I do not have co parenting relationship.
He wants to get serious with me, spend more time with me and my dd's and I'm not keen.
I would never interfere with his parenting but his set up makes me feel very uncomfortable. It feels like he has a double life. I thought they would naturally distant but they haven't and I'm not sure how to tell him how I feel or just to end it. Has anyone had a similar experience? What did you do?

Neither of you are wrong here, he isn't wrong for prioritising his kids and the setup they have, you aren't wrong for how you feel about it.

Unfortunately there's no real resolution here so I would end things in your shoes.

Sorry op I know it's tough to do when nobody is really doing anything wrong and it's just a clash of lifestyles.

I had a friend in a relationship like this. The wife thought they would work on getting back together.

Although he never thought that, the lack of boundaries brought their relationship to an end. Some people enjoy having someone at their beck and call.

It's lovely for their children while they are small.

You need to ask him how Christmas will work going forward and how he will manage his family responsibilities.

I agree that the first answer nails it - nobody is being unreasonable here. You are very reasonable not to try and change his current setup - too many new partners try and change things or simmer with resentment rather than accept that the situation doesn’t suit.

He's not doing anything wrong but I wouldn't like to be in the middle of this set up. Youngest is only three so you could have another 15 years of this.

That's exactly what I'm scared of - edging towards resentment.
I think you're right it's as simple as lifestyle clashes.
He's a good dad and it is a lovely for the children which is how he should be. But now hes putting pressure on me to go to the next level I can't because of the lack of boundaries which I don't want to affect my own children.
I feel like we will be a suitable distraction until the calls comes for him to go.
His children are still very young so there will be years of this ahead. I was reluctant to start seeing him because how fresh out of his marriage he was but he convinced me he was ready.
As the outsider all that has changed for them is not living in the same house and not having sex.

Sounds like you're ready to end things, can't say I blame you. I don't understand how he thinks he can progress his relationship with you and your children in this scenario... As an example he'd spend Christmas Eve/Christmas Day with his ex and then come to you once they're all in bed, and your just supposed to twiddle your thumbs waiting for the next 15 years?