Holiday was exhausting! (Friend's teenage SD)

[Silverbirch999]

Hi MN,
I'm just heading home after 5 days away with me, my daughter, my friend & her daughter.
Kids are 8 years old & trip planned for ages.
I'm not well off, so time away is a real treat.
At the last minute friend's stepdaughter wanted to join us, & friend agreed then told me the day before we left. SD is 15 but when I've met her before, quite a young 15.
Was hoping for a few days of relaxation with friend (& wine) while the girls played.
Friend booked a larger room for the 3 of them & we all met at the hotel.
Friend was upgraded to a very big room as one extra person (no extra cost) & we had a smallish room which wasn't a problem but SD immediately didn't like their room & very vocal about this. Rude about the room & the view from the window.
We went for dinner on the first night which was a lovely place & SD immediately 'hated the menu'
I thought the food was lovely. She ate a few mouthfuls & then kept saying 'can we go? Can we go?'
The next few days was friend walking on eggshells & trying to keep SD happy, while SD was rude & short with friend almost constantly & then tried to do the same to me.
I responded in a sarcastic way & SD then spent the rest of the time either blanking me or rolling her eyes every time I spoke.
Ended up feeling really upset for the last couple of days & the kids were a bit unsettled as well.
Friend's husband (SD's dad) arranged to have her for 3 of the days but had to work in the end. That is why she joined us for 5 days.
We are now driving home (have stopped for a coffee) & I'm so tired, mentally drained & feel like I need another holiday.
I never want to go away with friends again, feel like I spent 5 days trying to keep everyone entertained, happy & calm.
I ended up in tears last night as SD was being so rude to us all. Friend did not challenge her at all. I am now skint, exhausted & am gutted. AIBU to feel so disappointed?
Anyone experienced similar? 😭

Did you not say anything to your friend? I think you could go away with her and the 8 year old, but not with her sd, unfortunately. She might be a young 15 year old, but the age gap is a bit much and she probably felt pretty unhappy. Possibly also spoiled, but she must have been aware that she was a last minute addition and dad couldn’t have her. All round rubbish for her, but does sound a bit of a brat too, can’t say I blame her massively. Tricky and a shame the break was spoiled for you.

I’m not surprised you’re fed up-it sounds like she ruined your holiday! Have you told your friend how pissed off you are?

If she ever suggests another holiday, tell her if she brings her step daughter, you will not be going.

Friend's husband (SD's dad) arranged to have her for 3 of the days but had to work in the end. That is why she joined us for 5 days.

Dad sounds like an arse. Arranges to have his DD, then palms her off. No wonder she was acting out.

I think you can be candid that you will never holiday with her again but I think the real twat is dad.

Did she really want to join you though? Sounds as if she couldn’t go to her Dad at the last minute and got pushed into the trip. Two women and two 8 year olds wouldn’t be her idea of fun and because she’s a young 15 she’s no good at handling her feelings.

Not a nice situation for any of you but I’d try and reframe her as unhappy rather than badly behaved.

Sorry it spoiled your trip though.

No wonder you are upset.
Your friend was used by her father and you are collateral damage in this.
I would be very very pissed off and my friend would know it.
She should have said no.
She, her husband and his bratty teen ruined your holiday.
No one needs friends like that.

Ending up on a holiday you didn't want to go on because neither of your parents can be arsed to take time off work and actually spend time with you is going to piss off even the most laid back 15 year old.

She'll have known no-one wanted her there. It doesn't make her behaviour okay but I don't know what your friend was thinking in bringing her. Why couldn't she stay home alone while Dad was at work?

Bloody hell. It's a bit late now, but it might have been an idea to tell your friend, after the first evening or even first day, that you weren't going to have your holiday ruined so you and your daughter would take yourself off to do some things without them.

I don't think I could just leave this to fester, I would have to let my friend know at least a little bit of how I felt.

Thanks for the comments everyone - feel really supported & needed that.
I did try & speak to my friend twice - at the start of the holiday she kind of made a joke out of SD's behaviour but at the end she looked quite annoyed (last night)
SD could have gone home, I think friend invited her thinking she wouldn't say yes....
I like to think I'm someone who gets on with everyone & can cope it pretty dire situations, was genuinely so triggered by this girl & the way she spoke to friend/me.
She even called the girls 'fucking idiots' at one point. Also smothered friend, constantly by her side, asking for money, sips of her drink, snacks etc.
She also shouted at me when I misheard her, was really aggressive.
Nightmare!

By 'could have gone home' I mean didn't have to come away with us, could have gone home to her mum's instead of coming on the holiday.

Just looked at my bank balance :(
Would't have minded having a spend if I was now feeling recharged & post-holiday happy.

@Silverbirch999

Friend's husband (SD's dad) arranged to have her for 3 of the days but had to work in the end. That is why she joined us for 5 days

Well that is convenient that he suddenly 'had to work'. He basically palmed her off on you both. Sounds like a nightmare tbh.

Poor you and your friend. Teenagers are a decking nightmare anyway. Guessing friend was pressured into it by her husband. She's probably embarrassed and upset that dsd was so awful.

this - even if not doing your own thing 100% of the time, you are an adult, you're not joined at the hip

Sorry that you had a rubbish time, but you could have just disengaged when you realised what a brat she was, and your friends reaction (or lack of) and done your own thing.

Your friend is at fault here not the SD. Inviting the SD without asking you is far poorer behaviour than the 15yr old child

It was always going to completely change the dynamic of the holiday.

Personally if I was spending good money on a holiday it would never be with friends or family. Everybody has their own agenda and rarely align with each other. It rarely ends well when there are so many split decisions and compromises