Feeling bad about dropping flaky friend

[MrsWinterby]

I have a friend, Susan, who I met through our husbands. Her DH, David, and mine have known each other a long time and when I moved to this city about 12 years ago, we used to meet up as a 4 fairly often. Life and kids have happened over the years since.

My husband gradually dropped contact with David due to various reasons. I kept in touch with Susan and met up together, I babysat for them before I had my own kids, then we'd meet up so the kids could play together, but she was often flaky and unreliable. She had a lot on her plate with 3 kids, their hobbies, her work, a masters she was doing, a course she was studying on, health issues, all of which she had to combine somehow with David's rather 1950s attitude to childcare and the home.

Sometimes when we met up, it felt like she was squeezing me into the tight schedule, fired questions at me like an interview, then had to leave for the next thing. She was always late.

She messaged me back in the spring when it was my and my kids' birthdays (we're all within 9 days of each other!), and I replied as usual, attached are few pics. But subsequently I just dropped the rope and I didn't hear anything from her. I messaged her yesterday wishing her youngest a happy birthday and the reply was lukewarm so I guess she's not bothered about meeting up or anything?

Should I just drop it now? I would normally message her at Christmas but should I just not bother? I feel bad about it though, like maybe it's not her fault she's piled so much on her plate that she's got no time to keep in touch?

What's the consensus? Aibu to drop this flaky friend?

I would just leave it and see if she contacts you. Everyone has stuff gping on but if its not suiting you to meet her don't. I found I ran after two friends and one day I deleted their numbers so they would have to make contact, one i never heard of again and the other texted about 4 month later. I don't née friends like that.

Maybe let her contact you at Christmas and if she doesn’t, consider it a friendship that has done its time and is now in the past.

If neither of you has been in touch for six months then it sounds like you've already dropped each other.

I agree that it sounds like she has dropped you or has been trying to drop you for a while. As you say, it could just be that she is busy so it might not be that she has intentionally dropped you, more than she is too busy to maintain a friendship.

I would just leave it but try leave it with an open mind. Because you haven't fallen out as such, you can keep your mind open to a rekindling down the road. But I think you're right to stop and let her get in touch.

Put them on the back burner and focus attention elsewhere.

It's often nothing personal just life going in different directions.

For the sake of a yearly text or Christmas card, I see no harm in keeping it up.

I have this issue with an old uni friend. We graduated in 2006 and stayed in touch. We met up maybe two or three times between then and me leaving the area in 2010.
We've stayed in Christmas card contact ever since. And ever year I debate dropping her, and yet every year I still end up sending a card, and getting one from her in return. I figure neither of us have done anything wrong, we're just busy living life in completely different parts of the country. I keep the lines open for the sake of 2003-2006 me.

Just to be clear, I didn't only send her a text at Christmas. It's just that's the next "event" that I would usually message for.

I've got several friends that I only see 2-3 times a year due to geography, and only text once in a while (birthdays, etc), but because she lives in the same city, it feels a bit different.

Maybe she's trying to drop me as some of you have said!

Yes maybe fade it out. I texted a friend last week but felt she didnt suggest meeting. So I left it up to her now.. sometimes people grow apart. If it ones sided efforts now I just let it be.