To sometimes feel like I hate my children?

[Itdidgetabitmuch]

And I don’t of course, or I don’t think I do.

But the constant noise, mess (one of them literally walks around the house just causing carnage in his wake, taking cushions off the sofa and throwing them on the floor, relocating toys and books and blankets and clothes from one part of the house to the other) and the other is so so clingy and just cries if I move out of sight or put her down for a moment.

I know I’ll probably get suggestions as to how to prevent this unwanted behaviour but that’s not what I’m looking for. I sometimes feel like I hate them, when ones crying and whining and ones walking round just making a mess. Then the moment passes but then happens again and again.

It isn’t like this all the time but I really feel it at times. Is it normal?

Don't know if it was normal for others but it certainly was for me!

Sounds completely normal to me.
As they say, there's a very fine line between love and hate.
I'm often teetering on the edge.

I honestly honestly could have written this myself. I've just sat in the bedroom hiding from them and crying for 5 minutes because I feel like such a shit mum for feeling this way. Currently potty training a child who refuses to use the toilet even though he is bursting and knows how and haven't left the house in days so that's probably not helping. And the older ones argue every time they are in the same room. Wish I could run away to be honest, but I don't want to fuck them up even more then I have already.

I remember some challenging stages that were just exhausting and at times I didn’t like them much.

It is worth the hard work when they become lovely adults though 😊

Totally normal in my opinion. Same for my husband too. I like him at the moment but next week could be a different story.

How old are they?

my DC loves rearranging the house, making displays / dens / shops etc and I feel like I spend soooooooo much time tidying up. I hoping the “phase” will end soon ……

I adore my kids and I’m planning to have loads, but my DD is currently in the other room being an arsehole. She is stubborn and defiant….just like me…🙄😂

Being a parent is hard.

I’m with you. I have a 2 & 3 year old, both who have different disabilities.

My 2 year old does exactly as you’ve described. He wakes up and throws all the pillows on the floor, follows me everywhere and just creates complete carnage for no real reason. It’s actually exhausting 24/7. Someone said I’m an awful mum because my favourite part of the day is when my kids go to bed🤣 sorry but I look forward to bedtime because the day is such a struggle!

You’re definitely not alone. Plus I’m a single parent so it’s even more intense

Solidarity here. Single parent of 1 and have been thinking recently that I shouldn’t have become a mum. I love my child to pieces and wouldn’t change them for the world but there just aren’t enough resources for modern parenting. We need villages and to not be working so much.

Especially as a single parent, I used to be someone who loved life, interesting career and was studying, bright future, interests travel and large group of friends, great body and able to get lots of dating offers.
now? I am a snack bitch who lives in an endless cycle of mess, overstimulation, whining, whilst repeating mundane phrases like ‘shoes on’ ‘finish your breakfast’ ‘out now we are going to be late’ whilst completely isolated, broke, unable to live with any intention outside of what feels like basic survival for myself and child and 90% of my personality is erased. With boobs of a 70 year old in my 20s to boot.

It isn’t forever though things will get easier. I see it as a spiritual test of endurance and submitting to the will of the universe.
It sounds like your little one is still very small too, in 10 years time things will be so different.

Not surprised the birth rate is declining.

There are definitely times I'm allergic to my child. I think when you've to deal with these kind of behaviours all day , every day you just start to get worn down and burned out.

You’re all lovely

@notworthanything potty training honestly left me with some form of PTSD. I read some stupid book which made me feel just horrible too.

It sounds like their are too different things going on. One is the mess and chaos and the other is their neediness. I would separate these two out. With the first problem, I know you don't want to hear it but if you want to enjoy your kids more you have to put in place firmer boundaries around behaviour. If you continue to let them rule the roost it will be exhausting and disheartening and you will start to dislike them. You will be doing them a favour to by helping them become more likeable to others. In respect of the second problem, it sounds as if you get disregulated by their need of you - the more you can accept their need of you and go with the flow the calmer you will be and so the calmer they will be. To do this you may need to look inward to think what is it that really bugs you about their neediness. So in answer to your question yes it is completely normal, all parenting pretty much falls into these two discrete challenges - emotional regulation and socialisation. That's why it's bloody hard work and why it's exhausting for mothers. Do you have any support?

*there are two not their are too!!

Thing is @Owly11 nothing works. I don’t think I’m a stupid person (I know you weren’t suggesting I am!) but he ignores whatever you tell him in whatever tone you use. I’m going to order 123 magic today as have heard good things but to be honest I’m not hopeful … other books people seem to get on with don’t work. Yesterday I had to use my FOOT - we were in a toilet and there was quite a big gap between the wall and floor and he was trying to wriggle through it while I was mid wee, I obviously couldn’t let him do that as the lady next to us must have been furious understandably but he just ignores me. So I had to use my foot to prevent him doing it which felt horribly like kicking him but if you say not to do something and they ignore you and they don’t care about losing toys or privileges of anything what can you do? Nothing. You’re powerless and that’s what’s horrible about parenting.

Wait until they become teens! Now that does take you right to the edge of hating them!

Well at least you have identified what you hate about parenting- feeling powerless. But actually you are incredibly powerful - you will never have more power over any other human being! If it’s not a stupid question what do you hate about feeling powerless? Do you think if they don’t do what you want it makes you a shit parent? Because it’s in the nature of kids to not obey you so it’s more about them than you. I would focus less on ‘what works’ and more on reminding yourself that you are in charge and can relax about the small stuff. And make sure you get plenty of alone time without the kids!!

How old are they @Owly11?
Parenting can be bloody hard!

Sorry, that was supposed to be for @Itdidgetabitmuch!

Yes, normal and ok, although as a society we are not encouraged to be very honest about the very mixed feelings parenthood (motherhood in particular) can provoke. I find it especially bad when I have pmt because my nurturing side seems to go into hiding and when I look objectively at what I have to put up with from the DC, I could weep!

Obviously I love the bones of them but every now and again when I look objectively at them I could scream.

Hang in there.

I always say to my husband that parenting is mostly not having a back up plan but making them think you do. So honestly my threats are usually empty but they don’t know that because I have followed through on occasion! I do think though periods of parenting are hateful 🤣 For me it was the toddler / baby years, whereas the late primary / early secondary years are fabulous so far! It’s all a phase though and this too shall pass. I don’t trust anyone who says all of parenting is a dream; they’re either a liar or a halfwit!

This sounds very difficult OP
I hope today is at least a little brighter