Should my partner have stood up for himself?

[NavigatingAdulthood]

Hello! People have previously commented on my relationship with my MIL but this time I’m in a bit of a rut and just needed to ask for some opinions!

My MIL has been texting my partner every day around 3-5pm asking if she can come over so she can see our son. Usually, if she doesn’t get an instant reply, she’ll text him multiple times essentially inviting herself over. She doesn’t have a car and we live on the opposite side of our town. Previously, my partner has gone and picked her up and then dropped her back home again (which is about 15 minute drive each way). However, my partner has begun to say no for various reasons; he’s working late (he works from home), we’re busy (which we usually are) etc. He popped over MIL’s house yesterday after she had texted, only for her to beg (apparently she kept going on) to be brought back to our house. My partner said no, as we had plans to watch something on the telly and spend a chilled evening with our 5 month old. She then turned around and started calling him nasty and selfish and all the names under the sun. My partner left, and was greeted by my BIL who also slated him and called him nasty, selfish and rude for not continuously bringing my MIL back to the house. He came home very moody/upset and I haven’t really commented on anything as I know my own relationship with her will impact what I have to say. However, AIBU to think that my partner should’ve stood up to them both and not accept being spoken to like that? He does everything he can for my MIL from doctor’s apts, bringing her over here multiple times prior, going over when she asks, taking her to different places etc. I just can’t stand the thought of his brother and mother speaking to him like that, almost completely being oblivious to what he already does for her. AIBU to think he should say something?

@purplehair1 He works with people internationally and luckily, he works whenever he can (as long as he meets X hours per day, they aren’t fussed when he does them) so sometimes he’ll work like a “usual” person and do a 9-5 but most of the time, he often takes an extended lunch break to spend time with me and baby whilst I’m on Mat Leave. I’ve been really lucky to have him here!

@setmestraightplease Yes! This is exactly how I feel. The way they are treating him then impacts his mood, which can ultimately impact our relationship. This isn’t the first time that his MIL has been like this. When we both lived at their house during Covid, she became awful. I forgot to pick up her prescription once (I was out getting mine) and she proceeded to call me a slag who did it on purpose so you can imagine the kind of person she is!

@BlastedPimples Yeah, he is doing well at trying to set boundaries. I just feel sad that he has to work hard to try and enforce anything without being made to feel like an awful person. He’s previously “kicked her out” (asked her to leave an hour after she invited herself over as we had plans and she borrowed a car so turned up) and he’s continuously being berated by family members both to his face and behind his back for doing so.

It’s so hard because, unfortunately, I am one of these people who don’t necessarily like their MIL but I would never be one to stop her from being involved, I just wish I had a place to say she needs to stop and that my partner will decide when she is to come over. My partner is doing a great job at dealing with it to some extent but I think he doesn’t want to push it too far and cause a big fall out.

OP, have you considered moving?
Just that further bit away, but somewhere that still works for you?
Even an extra 20-30 minutes can make a huge difference.
If this is causing him upset, some counselling might help him manage his feelings.
She called you a slag.
Honestly, most people wouldn't have anything further to do with her.
This will never end, hard boundaries and low/no contact is all that works.