Seeing someone for who they are

[Theresano]

Name changed for this and not sure if this is the right place. I regularly see a relative due to family arrangements and I have seen glimpses of this person which has made my blood run cold.

Mostly I have distanced myself from this person who is very passive aggressive, manipulative, with a mean streak. I've put differences aside for recently for the sake of keeping the peace. They have a young child some things are concerning. Recent family event and the toddler didn't want to do as they were told. They were out of view from the group but I saw them grabbing the toddlers arm very hard to turn them around and pushing them to the floor. It's at least the third time I've seen this person get physical. The first time I said something like "hey go easy", mainly out of shock. Other times this person has sworn loudly at the child in front of other relatives. Once I couldn't stop myself saying something about swearing in front of children. I don't think they enjoy parenthood and have extreme anger issues which I have witnessed in the past. There are other issues with toddler which are troubling.

Another recent event where I wanted to ask their advice on a matter and the conversation stopped me stone cold as they got very passive aggressive and sneery. They pin pointed one thing I said (think one small point of detail) and asked repeatedly what I meant. Their manner changed in a flash and everything about the conversation made my blood run cold I couldn't describe it.

I know keeping my beak out and keeping my distance is the best policy but I'm just troubled by this person whenever I see them.

Have you ever seen a glimpse of someone who made your blood run cold like a mask slipped?

Bump anyone?

Is this person the child’s parent? If yes then you need to safeguard the child and report to the HV.

You need to do something to protect this child

I know keeping my beak out and keeping my distance is the best policy

Keeping your beak out when a child is being abused is absolutely NOT the best policy.

Turning a blind eye makes you complicit.

When you say "get physical", can you describe the other two incidents? The first was grabbing the toddlers arm, turning them around and making them sit on the floor. What were the other two?

Similar incidents. The other two times were a grab and like a rough shake as the
child wasn't listening. Their facial expression was just murderous with teeth clenched anger. I can't describe it, all three times were like a very rough manhandling.

I know we all get to the end of our tether at times but these occasions I felt were so extreme.

Yes it's the child's mum.

That child is in trouble, if she can treat him like that with others around and the possibility of being seen imagine what this person is like behind closed doors.
I would not cut her off yet, not until that child is safe. Is father around?

Of course, we all have seen somebody for who they are. If a person is masking who they are inside, that mask does slip!

I think this child needs to be safeguarded if I'm honest! You need to do something as if you do turn a blind eye and something happens to this child, I don't think it's worth thinking about.

OP I find your post strange. The main point of it seems to be to invite people to share their experiences of finding out another side of someone. But I don’t think anyone is going to do that because your own first post is so concerning. What you have shared about your own experience isn’t just an anecdote, it’s serious and you need to do something about it.

Your question should have been ‘I am very concerned for this child, who should I report these incidents to?’

I was uncertain about your post first as I often have to get physical with my child as they have adhd and sometimes literally cannot listen/can need to be calmed down or kept safe.
Also repeating a question to clarify also rings of neurodivergence. People evidently think I get stuck on details and ask lots of questions and I am autistic.

if you think they are losing control though and (from your follow ups) frightening/ in danger of harming their child, that is different.

are they kind or receptive to their child when they’re not stressed and losing control? Doesn’t mean it’s not worth reporting but makes it slightly different - eg perhaps an overwhelmed parent who needs professional support.

With you’re title etc it sounds like you’re hoping we agree they’re a sociopath or something (sorry if I’ve misunderstood)

@LettuceSpray @Hjklasdf
I had trouble writing OP and was multi-tasking letting the dog out. I am ND myself and have trouble interpreting people and often think it's a me problem. This person has always rattled me though. Since having children I can see that their behaviour is concerning.

@Hjklasdf No they don't seem too kind or receptive to the child otherwise. Very little affection shown but lots performative applause if the child does something. The child doesn't do anything without stopping and waiting for applause and approval. It's sad to see.

Well done for posting about this @Theresano it must have been difficult. Please report this. That child is in danger. At the same time are there other family members who could intervene? The dad? Grandparents? I doubt whether you are the only person who has seen this side of her.

Thanks @Igmum
The dad is her husband they aren't divorced.
I think others have noticed, one of the DGPs has commented a few times.