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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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12 replies

theblindman · 03/11/2024 01:30

I found out on Friday I'm officially in menopause at 33 because of cancer treatment that will (hopefully) prolong my life. We didn't have chance to have children and we didn't have time to do fertility treatments before I started treatment.

Tonight we baby sat my nieces who are 2 and 9 weeks old whilst my sister and brother in law went out for a meal. Both children bathed and asleep by 8, the baby woke up twice and then my parents went and picked them up from the restaurant at 10.

We all stayed at our parents with my husband, my sister and her husband and their children all weekend and I've been able to spend so much time with them.

I feel sad I won't be able to have my own but we are so blessed to be able to be the best auntie and uncle we can be.

I'm so lucky.

My husbands family won't let us see our nephews on his side unless it's in public as I lost my hair and when I'm home and chilled I like to just wear a thin beanie or nothing and they think my lack of hair is traumatising for their 10 & 13 year olds so we just see them in cafes because I wear a wig when out and about. I had said I will wear a wig at our house if it's an issue but about 2 months they walked into our house unannounced and I was wig less and puking as it was day 2 after chemo and it's horrendous. His sister had a go at me for being downstairs and upsetting her kids. We haven't seen them since 🤣

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 03/11/2024 01:31

I am so sorry. You've been treated shamefully.

CoastalCalm · 03/11/2024 01:35

A 10 and 13 year old are old enough to have been told about your illness and treatment - it’s poor parenting to have not done this , you did nothing wrong in your home

theblindman · 03/11/2024 01:35

WearyAuldWumman · 03/11/2024 01:31

I am so sorry. You've been treated shamefully.

I just don't understand the total difference? My sister is so kind and supportive, whereas my husbands sister is so cold?

They all have an open door policy which I don't actually mind because we also just kind of knock twice and come in when we're going to mums or my sisters and vice versa. I'm sure It probably was 'traumatising' to see a bald woman puking but it's my fucking house! It's also on the WhatsApp group when I have treatment.

I'm so grateful my sister is supportive of us having a relationship with her kids I really am!

OP posts:
AutumnLeaves24 · 03/11/2024 01:36

I'm very sorry to hear you rotten news & hope you have a cancer free long life 🥰

your family sounds fantastic. Loving & close.

your SIL sounds like a complete bitch.what has your DH said/done about her awful comments?

WineIsMyMainVice · 03/11/2024 01:41

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. You really don’t need unthinking, unsupportive horrible people around you right now. Sending hugs.

SomeSuperhero · 03/11/2024 01:42

Wishing you many happy and healthy years ahead. How wonderful to have surpporting and caring family on one side. People can be so bizarre that trying to work out what is going on in their minds is impossible. Do what makes you happy.

Thedogscollar · 03/11/2024 01:45

Dear God what have I just read. Cancer affects 1:2 of us. Your SIL is a callous individual, going NC with her will only benefit you.

I hope your treatment is successful and over as quickly as possible.

WearyAuldWumman · 03/11/2024 01:46

theblindman · 03/11/2024 01:35

I just don't understand the total difference? My sister is so kind and supportive, whereas my husbands sister is so cold?

They all have an open door policy which I don't actually mind because we also just kind of knock twice and come in when we're going to mums or my sisters and vice versa. I'm sure It probably was 'traumatising' to see a bald woman puking but it's my fucking house! It's also on the WhatsApp group when I have treatment.

I'm so grateful my sister is supportive of us having a relationship with her kids I really am!

Your SIL seems to be very self-centred.

What does your husband have to say about this?

marmamumma · 03/11/2024 02:06

Tell your SIL to get fucked. That should sort it. Better yet get your DH to do it to save you the energy. Best wishes with your health.

Delphiniumandlupins · 03/11/2024 02:11

Your SiL sounds awful and brings nothing to your life

  1. Her children are plenty old enough to be told about illness and treatment and not to be traumatised by a woman with no hair.
  2. She could decide not to walk into your home again unannounced. That is easier than only meeting in cafes.
  3. A decent person would be looking for ways to support you through a difficult time.

You sound like a lovely auntie and any nieces or nephews are very lucky. Good luck with your treatment.

Fraaahnces · 03/11/2024 02:28

Your husband’s family are monsters. Fuck them. I don’t think that this was about their kids being traumatised at all. Kids can cope with so much more than adults. I think it was about them, and the possibility that they may be expected to maybe help out or something. Or even face up to their own mortality. Selfish, selfish monsters. (I’m a nurse and the kids were an excuse, not a reason.)

Fraaahnces · 03/11/2024 02:29

Btw, your sis is lucky to have such an amazing sister and your DNs are super lucky to have such an awesome auntie.

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