Worried my baby doesn’t like me

[Clockworksatsuma]

My DS is 6 months old, lately I’ve got it into my head that he doesn’t love me or know I’m his mum and I can’t stop thinking it!

He’s really active and curious, he rolled from 4 months and now is crawling. When we go to baby groups the other babies are gazing adoringly and he is looking round at all the other mums, trying to crawl away from me etc.

Now that he’s moving more I feel like I’m always upsetting him, he loves grabbing cables etc that he shouldn’t and when I move them away he cries. He’s difficult to dress as he’s so wriggly and gets upset when I put his clothes on. He will fight naps even though he needs them. I feel like I’m always the bad guy for example DH will just let him skip the nap but he really needs it and once he’s asleep he’ll sleep for a couple of hours.

Recently he was really poorly and had to have multiple antibiotics, he really hated them and I’m sure he associates me with giving him the medicine.

AIBU to feel this way or is it ridiculous? I felt we had a lovely loving bond and now I’m constantly looking for signs he knows I’m his mum and not just a monster out to upset him! He’s generally a happy smiley baby and I’m getting jealous when he’s smiley at other people as I love him so much!

It is ridiculous, yes 🙂 he adores you, and he’s only off exploring because he feels so safe with you. I’m sorry he’s been unwell, he’ll have forgotten the antibiotics already, and stopping him from hurting himself isn’t being mean it’s good parenting! I hope you can shake off these intrusive thoughts soon!

Don't worry for one minute. He knows you are his number one! Keep being the organised one and he will know he can depend on you. LO's need a backstop so don't worry about being that.
If you're really keen, make some time to do a few fun things with him too when you don't have to dose him with antibiotics/change his nappy/dress him for the weather.
Also, if you can, set up your DH to do a few of those things too so your LO learns that all grown-ups are like this.

YABU! He is inquisitive and adventurous, that's all, and you sound like a great mum who he loves to bits.

Aw I'm absolutely sure he adores you and knows you're his mum!

Oh lovely, he doesn't dislike you, at this age he doesn't even know he's separate from you!

A baby who is trying to crawl away from you at the baby groups is a baby who feels really secure with his mother. He knows you love him and will be there.
You're doing a great job and it shows.

Just going to reply v quickly as about to start work, but I vividly remember sobbing that my DD didn't like me at about that age! I can't even remember why. But needless to say, it wasn't at all true. I think it can feel that way when you are their most secure attachment because they know you'll always be there, and they are safe to explore and interact with others.

We’ve been visiting my family this week and I’ve been desperately watching him with my parents seeing how much he smiles at them etc thinking, gosh he’s so upset with me! But then I’m the one doing the boring stuff. Im just finding it so hard to change my though process!

Yes, same! I went through this phase with DC2 at about this stage. Always wanted to sleep in their own cot (unlike DC1 who co-slept). I felt like my baby didn't need it want me, or even notice me! I think it's an age thing. DC2 is a year now and definitely knows me, misses me, loves me - but is just a bit more independently minded and is happy to go off an explore.

You're doing great, OP. Big hugs. Xx

My baby always tries to pretend she doesn’t know me at baby classes. She rolls over and just ignores me.

Then at home I can’t get her off me - contact naps, sleeping in my bed, in the carrier. Total bloody user!!

Seriously though, your baby definitely does like you!

He loves you, you are his world

He loves you and you have been his whole world for all of his life so far. You have done a really good job in making him feel secure and now he is exploring the world and building relationships with others. He trusts they will be kind to him and so he smiles at them because you have taught him to expect kindness.

I used to feel this way for a while too. But then i just realised that my boy is who he is. And who he is, is an adventurous, inquisitive and mischievous little boy who isnt very cuddly. So i find other ways to create a bond and express love with him. Youll find that groove too, mine is 18 months now so it just takes a little time to learn your babys natural way of being, and when you do it's amazing! I think this must be very normal. I saw a YouTube short not long ago, of mums putting their heads in their toddlers laps to see how they react. And they all so lovingly patted their mummy and cuddled them and stroked their mummies heads. Oh how i laughed - my boy would smash me in the face and try to bite my ear (teething) or try to crawl on my face, poke out my eyes, and various other things that arent so loving haha. A few months ago i would have felt awful. But now, i felt love for the boy he is, not who he "should be". Youll find that same security with yours. Mine also hates the word no when trying to eat wires, smash the tv in or whatever dangerous thing he is up to. Its normal. He feels safe expressing his anger to you. Just let him feel it, dont react. Its normal

I've felt like this before as a FTM, my DD never showed me much affection as a baby and seemed to prefer DH, but your boy is so so little, and really isn't giving a lot back at that age. He's not being grumpy specifically with you - they just can be grumpy little toads at that age. You just wait - in a year or so he'll come running into a room shouting your name and jumping into your arms and it'll make your heart burst every time. My DD now ONLY wants me to do everything for her so that's a whole other thing to look forward to!

You're doing great, just keep loving him. Do fun/silly stuff with him. Just in the spirit of fairness make your DH do his fair share of the medicine, also put your foot down about him putting your DS down for a nap - it's an essential part of parenting and he can't just tap out of it.

I agree with this! OP as far as he’s concerned, you are him. He’s looking at other things and exploring because it doesnt even compute in his brain that you’re not right there next to him!

He's independent and confident by the sounds of it, my DD when she was a baby went to her first ever nursery session and crawled in without even looking round for me! Apparently didn't miss me at all but I took it as a good sign.

I loved DS instantly but didn't feel like he loved me back until he was about 4m old if I recall

I used to feel he loved me back, he went through a stage of smiling at me loads, rarely cried etc. It only seems to be now he wants to do more dangerous things and has more of a strong will that I have to be the bad guy.

He adores you, you give him everything and keep him alive! But kids learn by doing, and you have to keep saying no, and picking him up away from unsuitable things, so he gets cross. Story of your life for the next 18 years sorry!!
But seriously, go to some charity shops and get loads of toys, keep him happy with them. Please don't worry.

@Clockworksatsuma Oh he knows you love him so he doesn't need to smile at you:). And if he wants to discover and smile at other people it's because he feels secured and loved and that's all your doing OP. If you feel distressed about this please talk about it with your baby's pediatrician who will reassure you that your baby loves you, he's just discovering the world around him. But he will always need and love his mum.❤️

@netflixfan he has sooo many toys, but always seems to be more interested in things he can’t have, like cables, cardboard boxes and shoes etc!

If you're baby never smiles at you then naybe you are doing something wrong. If you're exaggerating this as I suspect you are thrn stop, enjoy your independent baby. Mine all were on the move early , being told no when touching stuff they shouldn't usually met with cheeky grins, it's all a game at that age.

I remember crying when DS was about 5 months old because he never smiled at me but always smiled and laughed at DH.

He's now 2.5 and the biggest mummy's boy you've ever seen 😂

This is so normal. My 10 month old is obsessed with shoes and wires. And the fury when I take them away! Why are they like this 😂 I heard somewhere try and control the environment not the baby as that way you don’t have to be constantly taking stuff off them but it’s easier said than done.

but honestly I’d get in touch with your hv and ask what postpartum mental heath peer support there might be around you, there could be something useful that could help you to talk this stuff through. Your baby doesn’t have the concept you are a separate person yet, they literally are so attached to you. They smile at other people as they are trying to form a bond with them. You have no reason to worry.

He sounds like my LO at that age to some extent.

Always crawling off, never still, wouldn't settle in a buggy or pram, what toddler morning church ladies politely described as "very active".

They would wreck a room minutes.

A tennis coach once suggested they could be left in the corner of a tennis court while other kids while I joined in with cardio tennis, and I burst out laughing.

At school they were identified as having some ASD traits. They only stay in one place now because of playing games and watching videos on a tablet. Otherwise I can see the "wrecking" would be happening lol.

Your child may or equally may not have any ASD traits - but just to say they're all different. It doesn't mean they don't love you and aren't attached to you at all.