Money and family (not a new concept)

[TigerMum8]

Just received a request for a decent chunk of money from Parent and Step Parent. Said no as felt the request was unfair and should be directed towards corresponding half and step siblings. Usual reason being that those siblings received a lot more than I did from them growing up - independent schooling, cars etc whereas I did not since step parent generated the cash. Trying to explain that it’s not about resentment but fairness. I simply feel that any money should flow back from the same source it flowed to? For clarification siblings not really in a position to help but I don’t feel it’s fair that I’m effectively penalised for taking better advantage of less opportunity. AIBU?

This is so hurtful though. I don't get how parents can do this; treat children so differently. Just say no without explanations and don't you dare feel guilty about it.

Thanks everyone, I don’t believe that I’m wrong in refusing the request. The difficulty is explaining the reasons in a way that can be understood, and can’t be misconstrued as spite. Easier said than done with standard Parental selective amnesia. It’s simply a logical decision. I’m adhering to the structure they put in place and the request should be directed elsewhere.

Raising you wasn't transactional.. Tell them sorry you can't lend anything.. End of discussion...
Cheeky nasty fuckers..

“Just received a request for a decent chunk of money from Parent and Step Parent.”

Son or daughter of people asking for money

why not suggest that you'll get a formal loan agreement drawn up, and add solicitor's costs added to the sum of the loan, ask them what period they intend repaying it over, and your intended interest rate.

Or just say no.

Sorry, posted too early above, I believe because of a financial reversal
and need it to tide them over
& frankly, to ask you for a large sum of money with no explanation of why they need it also seems unreasonable.

I think your reasons are valid, but given the above mentioned selective amnesia, there’s no point explaining yourself. This will only cause further frustration and give them ammunition with which they will keep attacking you. If you keep it simple - “No… My money’s all tied up. I’m not touching it.” They can’t come at you. - They can ask, but you can shut it down. “I’m not willing to discuss this. Please change the subject”, etc…

I think your way of thinking about it is odd tbh.

My youngest sister 'got' far more than me at the equivalent age because my parents were in a better financial position.

If my mum asked me to lend her money I might say yes or might say no for many reasons...but 'you should ask Samantha, you spent far more on her car than mine 15 years ago' (or whatever) wouldn't be one of them.

or say "no, I'm saving in case I need it to pay for private education for one of my children in the future"😂

@HildaHosmede they were around the same age is my understanding?

It’s not an odd way to think if everyone was of similar age and engaging with the same financial circumstances. As I said above, I would have no issue if I was a lot older and things changed

(1) your thinking is perfectly valid
(2) you don't have to tell them about it
(3) just say no

Hildahosmede, respectfully I think your reasoning is a little flawed on this one. I’d have no issue, as I said above about siblings receiving more as circumstances improved, but we were of similar age. Plus, although your sister may have received more at an equivalent age, it’s also possible that your parents assisted you as appropriate to your own stage in life. House deposits or other help instead of tech and new clothes. In my case resources were allocated asymmetrically so I think the request was unfair.