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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel terrified by the idea of time going on forever

88 replies

Lavenderfarmcottage · 02/11/2024 15:23

I recently lost someone close to me and I feel that she’s in heaven or a better place. I find it incredibly difficult to believe she isn’t. However, ever since I was very young, the idea of heaven just going on and on and on with no end has terrified me and I have to stop thinking about it whenever it occurs to me, such is the uncomfortable gut feeling it gives me. I don’t know why this is but it just does. I feel also scared about the alternative that life just ends. Does anyone feel similarly and has anyone been able to soothe this fear with any sort of comforting ideas ?

OP posts:
Lavenderfarmcottage · 02/11/2024 16:55

Waitingfordoggo · 02/11/2024 16:02

It’s interesting because I come at it from the opposite point of view (that there isn’t a heaven or an afterlife and so we just die and there is nothing and that’s it forever. It terrifies me) Sometimes the thought of it jolts me awake when I’m half asleep and makes my heart race.

But yes, the thought of time going on forever is also really unsettling. So I don’t think there is a happy solution for me 😂

Edited

Oh this is sad, I am actually fairly cynical but I find it hard to imagine nothing. My sister recently died relatively young and she was lovely & kind but lived through so much suffering for so long. The idea that’s it for her, I don’t accept…I really just without question know she is in heaven or a better place. I don’t think she could just go.

Also, and this is going to sound crazy but my dog, a Labrador ran into a moving landcruiser 4 wheel drive last week. The bang was so loud that the driver and other car stopped thinking for sure my dog had been hit. I watched her with my very own eyes run into it head first. Anyway she’s completely fine and this last week has been to the beach, swimming, happy as Larry. To me it felt like
Someone was looking out for us, it was miraculous. Can’t just be that my dog is a boof head.

OP posts:
ThisIsSockward · 02/11/2024 16:56

I think humans generally aren't meant to comprehend the concept of infinity. I take comfort in the idea that it will all make sense when it's supposed to. Time is a strange thing, anyway, the way it stretches out forever sometimes, then flies past when I'm doing something I love.

When something like this bothers me, I usually just try to stop thinking about it (and find something to do/listen to/watch to take my mind off it). If it persists, I tell myself it'll be okay. It's in God's hands. There's so much I don't understand in the world; this is just one more thing that's currently beyond my ability to understand, but I believe it will all be okay in the end.

DancingLions · 02/11/2024 17:00

I think the very concept of meeting up with loved ones is problematic. What if you love more than one partner in your life? What if you have a relative you love but find very hard work! What if someone sees you as their "loved one" but you don't feel the same?

I don't believe in heaven so it's not something I'm too concerned about! I just don't see how it would work.

I think we just cease to exist and I'm ok with that. It means nothing really matters. Some people see that as a negative but I see it as a positive.

Refreshingpie · 02/11/2024 17:01

I remember my parents being very matter of fact that their science based theories were so correct and that it was certain other worlds existed that could support life - I said ‘but we haven’t found one yet and we haven’t found aliens?’ They told me it was science that it was correct . So I said ‘you deny there could be an afterlife for humans? When half of that already exists - we exist- we just don’t know if heaven does . You have no proof of aliens or a place they could possibly live so out of the 2 scenarios it’s more likely there is something after death?’ I was 12 and opinionated and I got sent to my room for that !

Refreshingpie · 02/11/2024 17:05

Lavenderfarmcottage · 02/11/2024 16:55

Oh this is sad, I am actually fairly cynical but I find it hard to imagine nothing. My sister recently died relatively young and she was lovely & kind but lived through so much suffering for so long. The idea that’s it for her, I don’t accept…I really just without question know she is in heaven or a better place. I don’t think she could just go.

Also, and this is going to sound crazy but my dog, a Labrador ran into a moving landcruiser 4 wheel drive last week. The bang was so loud that the driver and other car stopped thinking for sure my dog had been hit. I watched her with my very own eyes run into it head first. Anyway she’s completely fine and this last week has been to the beach, swimming, happy as Larry. To me it felt like
Someone was looking out for us, it was miraculous. Can’t just be that my dog is a boof head.

Something else that I believe strongly is that love is not just an emotion but something real within us (is it the hormone oxytocin that we release when with a loved one?) anyway I feel that somehow forms a connection (don’t ask me how I don’t know!) that remains after the death of a loved one and transcends space and time as we know it and I really believe that every time you think of the loved one you have lost that grief is the remnant of love somehow connects with them and in their new form they know or feel that. I’ve always believed that and felt so comforted by it.

Lavenderfarmcottage · 02/11/2024 17:10

Refreshingpie · 02/11/2024 17:05

Something else that I believe strongly is that love is not just an emotion but something real within us (is it the hormone oxytocin that we release when with a loved one?) anyway I feel that somehow forms a connection (don’t ask me how I don’t know!) that remains after the death of a loved one and transcends space and time as we know it and I really believe that every time you think of the loved one you have lost that grief is the remnant of love somehow connects with them and in their new form they know or feel that. I’ve always believed that and felt so comforted by it.

This makes me want to cry. What a beautiful thought. Thankyou.

OP posts:
Jc2001 · 02/11/2024 17:12

I like the idea of life going on forever. At some point some of my clothes may come back into fashion.

Thefirstdance · 02/11/2024 17:19

I don’t believe in heaven personally. What gives me comfort is the miracle that we are even here in the first place, and able to experience all the joy, beauty and pain of life. The chances of each of us being conceived are so tiny, compared to all the millions of other sperm that could have made it to each egg. Life is a mind blowing game of chance.
Even before you get to the miracle of each of our conceptions there is the vastness of the universe to consider. As Carl Sagan noted, our planet is but a TINY Pale Blue Dot within this vastness. Humanity occupies such a minuscule part of the universe. The way we interpret time is relative to our situation. Who knows if any of it is truly real from a different universal perspective?
I am grateful for my luck in being here, conscious and able to experience our tiny part of this miraculous universe.

Projectme · 02/11/2024 17:23

Refreshingpie · 02/11/2024 15:45

I like to believe that our time on earth is purely to have a human experience, a physical body and free will to make decisions good or bad and to experience human emotions. Sort of like a period of ‘education’ for the spirit I suppose much like a small part of human life is usually spent early on in some kind of school / education .

Edited

Oh I love this. I would agree with this.. our human experience is just part of whatever it is we experience and we pass onto the next thing, whatever that might be.

MsCactus · 02/11/2024 17:34

The latest understanding of time is it's a "thing" in the same way as matter is a thing. So it's possible for things to exist without time.

Our current understanding of the universe is that the universe - and everything in it, including time - stops at some point. So time doesn't just go on endlessly

OnionBudgie · 02/11/2024 17:41

I've recommended this book several times on this board, but I'll mention it again now: for anyone open to it, try reading Journey of Souls by Michael Newton. It delves deeply into the subject of "life between lives" -- essentially here on earth we are part soul, part ego (personality). It's the personality that drives us, how we relate to others, how we behave, why we do what we do. In the spirit world we are purely soul, which is quite different, and contains just a small element of the ego. We plan our lives before we're born, as a learning process. It's all very fascinating. There are many books on this subject, but Newton's delves deeper than most, and can open the reader up to a new way of thinking about death and beyond.

Waitingfordoggo · 02/11/2024 17:41

@Thefirstdance Loved your post. Those are the kinds of thoughts I find comforting.

Newrumpus · 02/11/2024 18:00

Time as we expertise it only really exists on Earth. Even within our solar system (and within the close solar system) what we mean by time (then/now/later) doesn’t really make sense. Time is humanity conceptualising complex universal processes that affect our existence. To think of time beyond Earth is pointless.

Waitingfordoggo · 02/11/2024 18:07

This has definitely been shared on MN before- I’m sure the first time I saw it was here- but I don’t think anyone has shared it on this thread.

Anyway, for the agnostics/atheists among us, this can bring a lot of comfort I think (sorry, it’s quite long- but worth it!):

You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.
And at one point you’d hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.

And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.

And you’ll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time.

You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they’ll be comforted to know your energy’s still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you’re just less orderly. Amen.”

Aaron Freeman

orion678 · 02/11/2024 18:09

MsCactus · 02/11/2024 17:34

The latest understanding of time is it's a "thing" in the same way as matter is a thing. So it's possible for things to exist without time.

Our current understanding of the universe is that the universe - and everything in it, including time - stops at some point. So time doesn't just go on endlessly

As a former cosmology, this is not accurate. Our current understanding is that the universe will expand infinitely

Bangin · 02/11/2024 18:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

orion678 · 02/11/2024 18:11

Cosmologist* not cosmology

Silverbook · 02/11/2024 18:18

Mumof2namechange · 02/11/2024 16:10

Me too, it jolts me awake at night. I find it really unbearable.

After my dc1 was born I got a bit obsessed with death and this feeling that, what's the point of loving someone because you'll just die eventually. (Turned out I was very very anemic which was making me depressed - also was a bit traumatised by having had sepsis.)

But it still gives me shudders when I think about it, so I try not to.

For example, atm dc1 is learning how to read, phonics etc. This thought sometimes pops into my mind: why bother learning stuff and taking on new ideas if you're going to die anyway and those thoughts and ideas will just cease to exist?!

I suppress the thought whenever it appears but it's upsetting and I don't have the answer

I think we are the same person….

xyz111 · 02/11/2024 18:27

Death absolutely petrifies me. My son was watching Coco the other day and I love the death message there. I'd love to think that was true.

Mumof2namechange · 02/11/2024 18:32

Silverbook · 02/11/2024 18:18

I think we are the same person….

This really helps me to know that others feel or have felt the same way xxx

Waitingfordoggo · 02/11/2024 18:39

Mumof2namechange · 02/11/2024 18:32

This really helps me to know that others feel or have felt the same way xxx

Yes, it’s reassuring to know that most of us are a little (or a lot) scared really. When I was a child I assumed adults all felt in control and knew what was happening and weren’t scared. Now I’m nearly 50, I’m disappointed to learn that’s not the case 😂

Carouselfish · 02/11/2024 18:47

@Doingtheboxerbeat I was going to recommend this too. I love the version of Heaven they get to. Have to watch whole thing to understand. Absolutely balled eyes out at the finale!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/11/2024 18:53

I can't imagine that you'd feel a great deal better to consider the inevitable heat death of the universe, meaning time ends.

MyLoyalEagle · 02/11/2024 18:54

My Buddhism tough us not to be re-born after dying, reincarnation is a cycle, born get suffered dying and born again on and on and on endless, Nirvana is Immortal.