To expect a thanks

[dillydal]

Theres a court order in place for our child. My ex has repeatedly dragged me through the courts and there's now a barring order in place. He never deviates from the court order and makes a huge issue. Recently, he wouldn't let our son come to my mum's 70th for two hours because it's 'his court ordered time'.

I try to be reasonable and flexible in the hope that it engenders a different response from him. His dad text to ask if he can go to the fireworks with him tonight so I said yes as we had no plans. He said he'd drop him off and pick him up.

Suddenly this morning it's "you'll have to meet me half way as I only have one car at the moment and I'm worried about my clutch". Basically he can't be arsed to drive over to collect or drop him off. None of this explains why he can drive 5 miles but not 10 to collect him.

I've received no acknowledgement or thanks for allowing this despite his behaviour. I'm inclined to say I'm happy for him to go and that's me putting my child first but if he can't even be arsed to say thanks, then I'm not going to schlep half way to facilitate this.

Am I being a dick? Maybe I should just ignore it for the greater good but I do this all the time for the sake of what's right for my child and never get any leeway in return and the brass neck of him has really pissed off this morning.

It's really hard to always be good cop. But just remember it isn't for him it is for your child.

However, you would not be unreasonable to tell him no. You have agreed the additional time but that his transport issues are not your problem.

Yes you’d be being a dick and it’s for the greater good of your child not to be one, but he sounds like a bigger dick and it’s very difficult in these kind of situations not to retaliate with petty behaviour so if you did as you suggest I’m sure most people (although undoubtedly not your ex) would understand exactly why.

If he’s so worried about the clutch is it safe to drive at all? I don’t see how the extra 5 miles would make a difference.

I wouldn’t want him driving my child at all in a car that wasn’t road worthy!

But I would be inclined to say not to any request for flexibility

What's best for your dc is for you to have healthy mental health. Yes agree to stick rigidly to the order. So you should have said no to tonight. It really comes good in the end to stay to the order... It gives YOU some control over what appears to him still being abusive towards you. Going forward no swaps or changes.. And no dropping dc to save his fuel... Your dc will reap the benefits of having a happier dm over more time with a cunt.

I'd be happy for DS to go but would also not allow EX to dictate terms- I'd be dropping DS off at a point that's only 2.5 miles away from you because it's on the way to somewhere you are going.

I would have said no to him taking him out, because he's just showing you that he has control by refusing you but you allowing him. I'd have taken my child somewhere myself so he didn't miss out.

He knows you'll always put your child first and he's seeing how far he can push it, while still being a twat to you.

I would just stick with the court ordered agreement then there's no room for discrepancy or abuse.

If his car isn't safe to do 20 miles then it isn't safe to do 10. He either collects and brings back the child or it doesn't happen. This is obviously another power play by him and he is being controlling. First he refuses any flexibility on his time, then he asks for flexibility on your time and now he's expecting you to do half the travel. You need to start standing up for yourself or his behaviour will get worse. And that is not what is best for your son.

Does your child know he’s going? If not I would advise his father it’s up to him to collect and return and if he can’t then he won’t be going. If he does I would suck it up for the child’s sake, but make it clear you won’t be doing it again and will simply tell your child Dad couldn’t pick him up