Insulted about my looks

[Rubytuesday77]

I’m annoyed I never gave a suitable response to this man, I was sat alone on a bench in my local town centre. This man comes along and asks if I mind him sitting alongside me explaining how he needed to rest his legs etc.

i said fine hoping he’d just leave me in peace, I wasn’t in the mood for idle chat. He then proceeds to go on about smokers outside pubs and how he couldn’t understand how anyone could smoke. He then says “do you smoke” I told him no but I used to. Now comes the insult……

”Yes I can tell, I can tell by your face you were a smoker”
Now I’m paranoid and feeling insecure about my looks…..all from a bloody stranger. 😡 Why would anyone say that. I’d never say that to someone. Maybe he started on the topic of smoking just so he could say that. But it’s unsettled me so if that’s what he wanted he’s achieved it. Sorry it’s not really an aibu but just wanted to vent.

Age is no excuse, but some 70 year old men are just blunt!

How old did he look?

He looked quite young to be fair, not 70 anyway.

I will never forget the time I ran past a man in the street on a jog (a complete stranger) and he said “might as well
not bother at that speed love” and laughed out loud. He was clearly not in shape either. I was six week postpartum and trying to get out for some fresh air after very little sleep, feeling crap about myself in any case and that comment just broke me. I didn’t run again for ages. I’m now a very good runner, fit and still think about it sometimes. Some people just are thoughtless and mean.

OP, I bet he’d have said the same thing to anyone who sat next to him at that point. Ignore!

He didn't know your age, so how could he assess if smoking had aged your skin. He sounds quite mad, and daft. What a dick.

I've known loads of men who consciously use "negging" to pick up women they fancy - and have even admitted to it.

It's a definite thing. Meant to make the attractive women feel insecure and more likely to try and win the man's affection

I’ve had so many rude comments about my appearance from men over the years. Unfortunately I took them all to heart and they have really affected my self esteem. PLEASE IGNORE THIS ABSOLUTE PRICK. He is not worth a single more second of your time. I will do the same for every single one of those idiots who thought I needed to hear from them how ugly/unattractive they thought I was.
Fuck them all. And fuck him!

This makes me so sad. Your body had just done an amazing thing!!!!!

I bet you looked great too

It's a control thing, he can't control the smokers, so needs to lash out and be right.

'Well, they do say that smoking can be a social habit. And as you clearly lack those skills, I can tell you're NOT a smoker.'

Honestly, what a knob.

Probably not people, women

It's a definite thing. Meant to make the attractive women feel insecure and more likely to try and win the man's affection

God, when I think how much I experienced this during my uni days (the 90s).
Depressing that the mentality hasn't really changed.

I've never smoked and I've tons of wrinkles. It's sun exposure as much as anything.

This. Every single time 🤣

Yes, I have an ex like this, complete with selection of berets and other fancy dress! He negged me until I got annoyed instead of running after him for approval...

OP, you only have the non smoker's word he was 70! Maybe he was a badly aged 45.

. He then says “do you smoke” I told him no but I used to. Now comes the insult……

No would’ve been enough for an answer. This twat jumped on the extra information you gave him right there. I bet he doesn’t go around striking up random conversations like this with men.

Deep breath OP and let this go! This man's behaviour and conversation diminishes any credibility. Don't waste another minute thinking of it. Blow it away

Spot on

Nailed it. Chefs kiss 😂

Thanks everyone for such reassuring great comments. I’m not going to dwell on it any longer….. Knew I could rely on you lovely lot to make me feel better. 🥰

Depends who’s in sight, but this would be interesting:

You: wow, you can tell just by looking if someone used to smoke?
Him: Yes
You: How?
Him: It’s the craggy wrinkles around the mouth and a generally grey complexion (all while looking at your perfectly un-wrinkly, nice face)
You: Go on then - point out someone else you can see from here who used to smoke. How about a man this time. Go on!

If he took the bait you could then call said man over, tell him ‘this guy knows something about you just by looking at you - do you know what it is? You’ll never guess how he knows. Go on random man - tell him!’ Stand and extract popcorn from bag.

Agree though that short/no response is probably better.

’Do I know you?’ is my personal favourite opener/entire response whenever I feel harassed. I say it as genuinely as possible so that they say ‘no’ and then they are slightly on the back foot. Because all harassment is based on overfamiliarity, and by making them admit they don’t know you, you’ve made them admit that their actions are not appropriate in context.

👍🏼💪👏

I’m keeping that one in mind.

It is a very bizarre thing to do but it happened to me last week. A man more than twenty years older than me (who I always try to avoid) said he noticed I'd had my hair highlighted and was it meant to look that yellow and brassy? Then he asked me to go for a coffee and said I must know he liked me!!!

I think they try to make us feel unattractive so that we might think we won't attract anyone else and might as well go out with them.

I think so to , obviously socially inept , i imagine he probably imposes himself / his views on whoever he comes into contact with ,even though not a nice experience his opinion isn't really worth bothering about, people who know him very likely avoid him.