I despair of these MILs

[Pantsinthewash]

Just read some more threads on here about overbearing MILs, I mean who separates their DIL from her baby for most of the day and even when the baby is unwell? Who do they think they are demanding to organise their son's wedding, and be invited to every event? Ultimatums and flouncing. And on and on..... I am so bloody angry! No wonder they find themselves disliked and excluded. I am soon to have a DIL, will make jolly sure I do better than this. Appalling behaviour.

Thanks for all your replies everyone. I probably didn't express myself that clearly. I don't for a minute think that all MILs are like this, it just angered me so much to read how insufferable some of them are on here, and I feel very sorry for their kids. To the poster who suggested I am trying to be oh so cool, I'm not trying to be anything, just to treat other people like a human being with feelings and opinions of their own.

Very few people are going to start a thread saying I have a perfectly ok relationship with my MIL, or I really love my MIL. So we probably only get to read about the really shittily behaved ones.

Agreed.

Where is the drama in a "I love my MIL thread"
🤣🤣

For what it's worth, I liked my MIL and I appreciated that she welcomed our adopted child with open arms and treated him no differently to any of her other grandchildren. I will be forever grateful to her for that.

But she irritated me too at times. Different attitudes, different life experiences. But we rubbed along and I was genuinely sad at her passing.

But that's not interesting 😁

I have been curious about this too and my conclusion is that women who have a close bond with their own mothers have a strong need to have their own mothers closer to them before during and after child birth, I think it has something to do with vulnerability during a very big life change that is birth.

Everyone is different. There is nothing wrong or wierd about this, its natural due to life changes, hormone imbalance etc etc.

Some bit not all MIL put up some really big objections to this and attempt to crash through the boundaries in ways that are absalutely horrendous, think its something to do with the way babies grow and change so quickly from birth onwards. It could also be a strong need to have a close bond with their grand child and fear of losing that. I am not justifying their negativity, its bloomin awfull what some ladies go through and I know this because of what I read on here.

To give MIL some access to their Grand babies on the mothers terms, communicating, good and positive attitude, acceptance of the situation and meeting each other in the middle could all help families stay together snd most of all be at peace with each other, so little ones want this too.

When we change the way we look at things the things we look at change.

Threads on here have me terrified and second guessing myself all the time. If I ask my DILs about their jobs, am I being nosy, or is that being concerned? I almost daren't say anything just in case it's too much or not enough - one DS is getting married shortly and I am a bit afraid to say anything about the wedding in case it's a touchy subject. I'm hoping that the fact that all three of my DILS (one actual, two to-be) seem to like me and will happily chat to me or hang out with me means that I'm OK as a MIL, but it does worry me!

It is essential on MN that you have a truly loathsome MIL. It’s almost impossible to fit in on here without one.
😉😁😁.

I can only speak for myself, but none of that would bother me. I don’t mind questions (even quite personal ones) or differences of opinion. What I do mind is my MIL being verbally abusive and interfering in our marriage and intruding in our home and on our holidays.

I know what you’re saying though. Some people can be incredibly touchy, especially around anything to do with their children, and that must be hard to navigate.

This 👆🏼

My mil expected to be the matriarch and control every part of our lives , where we lived, our engagement party, when we announced the pregnancy, where we spent Christmas, wanted to babysit a breast feed baby, but it was some very nasty stuff she said and did and not the stuff I’ve listed here that made me go no contact.

She is a nightmare and bil has lost one girlfriend already because of her and now probably the second long term girlfriend because no one wants to marry someone with a mother like that.

I desperately wish I had a nice one. My ex fiancé’s mother was an angel and we are still in touch, I wish she was my mil, she would have been a very treasured member of the family. Not my DH’s mother, the unhinged fishwife.

It's standing joke that my child's partner gets a say in what care home I end up in so I'm always nice to them. It's not hard though, they are awesome and I couldn't have picked a better partner for my child