Grandmother inviting all her friends to see the baby

[HappyMama90]

Hi All,

My mother is inviting her friends and even colleagues to my house to meet my now 10 week old. Always making it near impossible for me to say no, asking when she is on loudspeaker in front of them or asking me over and over when I've said no or given reasons that I would rather them not visit.

Her friends have been lovely and even given gifts for my baby, I'm really grateful but does that mean I have to open my home up to strangers in the newborn stage? Has anyone else had this and without bursting a happy grandmother's bubble or falling out, how did you tell them that it's too much to host people and hand around your precious baby to strangers. Lots of my closest friends haven't even been because I'm prioritising family and time for us when my partner is home from work so AIBU to put my foot down to more of her friends coming?

no need to give a reason say that date doesn’t work and you need to go and will chat later and hang up

then send a message to your mum asking her to stop doing this

You don’t get this time back and you should be enjoying time with your friends meeting your new baby so you’ve really got to gird your loins and just say no, no, no. She clearly doesn’t care about your feelings - pretty selfish in the circumstances - so stop putting her wishes over your needs. Preempt the next one by telling her today you’re seeing your own friends/taking a break from visitors/won’t be pushed around so she’s got a chance to be reasonable and when she tries it again you can say no you’ve already told her. If she tries “but it’s only Joan, Joan loves babies” say “no mum”.

My mum did this, maybe it's a generational thing. But they were long term friends that I'd known since I was small. I just rolled with it to be honest. They brought presents and I actually thought it was sweet they cared enough to want to visit.

Maybe be a bit more assertive around what days/times work for you? And limit the length of their stays.

Why not go to your mums and they can visit you there, and then you get to leave when you want?
it’s natural for new grandparents to want their friends to share the excitement.

Just tell her you don’t want to expose your baby to lots of people right now, especially with all the sicknesses going round. People are just incredibly selfish and will come to see a newborn absolutely full of the cold without a second thought.
Keep saying no.
You don’t have to be on show for her friends. xx

Good god, of course yanbu! Just tell her while she’s not on the phone that she is not inviting anyone else round, it’s not her place!

How often does she ask? I think at 10 weeks old, you could let up a little if your mum is otherwise good to you.

Maybe it's more normal than I thought then... my mother's friends have been lovely she has a house filled with "congratulations you're a grandma" cards and she even got flowers from them when my little one was born. I thought it was odd but maybe it is a generational thing?

Maybe I'm being a bit overbearing because baby was born at 4lbs8 and is just now getting to "normal baby size" ha

How about a compromise - one short afternoon a week, no other time allowed. Tuesdays 2-4, or whatever suits. DM can use that time but no other times. You’ve got your own friends to see/quiet time needed at home/shopping/walks out/baby clinic etc.

Your baby is 10 weeks old and you haven't let your friends come to visit? That's really odd.

She is great, my baby was born at 4lbs 8 so is just hitting 8lbs. I think that's why im still very protective. Although, she brought one of her colleagues to the hospital to meet her (they work at the hospital). We are still one 1 to 2 hour feeds between baby being small and having colic at the moment so maybe I'll feel better as she gets bigger

That's a fantastic idea! It generally falls on days my partner isn't working so that's definitely contributing to my resentment. If I set a better day/time then I'll feel much happier about visitors

That seems like a great compromise OP.

@healthybychristmas My baby was 4lbs 8 born so anyone who's kids went back to school or have been ill haven't come over so my baby didn't end up back in hospital. You call it odd, I call it responsible parenting but each to their own

Yes, put your foot down.

She’s putting everyone in a difficult position. I’d bet nine out of ten of her friends and colleagues feel obliged to accept her invitation to see her grandchild. Babies all look pretty much the same and unless someone has a close link to the child (relative/ friend of the parents) I can’t imagine why anyone would want to go and look at a baby. And if they are of the more polite type, fork out for a gift.

I think you just need to say no! Your baby doesn’t need loads of people coming over to see them. Visitors could be incubating viruses even if they don’t have symptoms.