To ask how to politely opt out of this?

[secretsantas]

For a few years we’ve done a secret Santa on both sides of the family.

My family keep it to £10 to make it ‘something nice/funny but cheap’. We buy for all the children separately. I love doing this and then we celebrate separately with spending time together- meals, Christmas walks etc. It really takes the pressure and expense away from Christmas especially this year as I’ll be on SMP.

My ILs have just sent a message to arrange their secret Santa but have said £40 per person due to inflation and the fact we only have to buy one present each.

We weren’t even planning to buy gifts for adults more than something small and homemade for parents in law as 1) cost of living, and 2) none of the others have shown any interest in us or our baby over the past year not through lack of our trying. They probably haven’t thought from a cost perspective as none of them have young children so will be out of touch with the reality of SMP.

I really don’t want to spend £80 combined with DH.

How do we politely step back from this without upsetting anyone? I probably won’t even spend £40 on DH!

Could you suggest it just goes up to £30 rather than £40? Alternatively just buy a £30 gift - they'd have to be pretty rude to check the price and quibble!

I don't think £40 is unreasonable or excessive if you get away with spending £80 in total on your husband's side of the family. You will end up spending much more than that on your side if you are buying for children in addition to the £10 secret Santa - I would also say those £10 gifts will probably be money wasted, because these days unfortunately there is very little you can get for that.

But if you genuinely don't have £80 to spend it is absolutely fine for your husband to just tell his parents to leave your names out. If it is a big secret Santa including cousins etc, it is likely nobody else will notice with any luck.

I'd just spend what you want, £40 is the upper limit, so just spend less, no one will know.

But it's just one gift - not £80? Surely it's his family so he's the one buying the gift? Or are you both in the draw?
I'd write back saying too much - you have other obligations but a hike to £20 would be a compromise. At least with £20 you could get something nice, not sure what I'd get an adult with £10 that's worth keeping. Maybe wine.

The OP says it used to be £20 and they are now suggesting £40.

Both OP and her DH would do the secret Santa, that’s why it’s £40.

Will anyone be buying for the baby as part of this as well?