To want to leave my husband for these reasons?

[PoppyGalore1]

I’m keen to hear others opinions. Do I try with my marriage or just end it? We have a young son and I do a majority of the parenting, I also work full time.

My husband has quite a demanding stressful job which I empathise with, however… He doesn’t do anything around the house, cleaning, laundry, he might cook a meal when I’m putting my son to bed. It’s not everyday though. He does bath times and takes our son swimming once a week, and we alternate bedtimes etc depending on how busy his week is.

But. This weekend I need him to be sole carer for our child as I have a job interview with tasks that need to be complete by Monday. He said he was working late this evening and he came home absolutely hammered. I feel like it’s just a total lack of respect for me.

That's bollocks! I'm in a similar career where we are expected to socialise in evenings with clients, however what you are drinking is totally up to you! Have a coke for fuck sake!

Yes, more than tipsy

No purely sociable, he told me he was working late.

I do. But I do see guys feeling they need to match pint for pint. But he can still mind the child hangover or not. My point was was it work base or he chose to do it?

Cross if first and very cross if second.

But still does childcare.

Get your laptop and go to a cafe or library. Leave him to it. Get the job, then leave him.

Your husband should (ideally) make your life better, whichever way suits you.
If not, you are thousand times better off on your own or just with your child.

I understood your meaning and I still don't get your point.

Maybe I am less tolerant and understanding of these type of things but even if it is for work, even if others do it, even if clients find it acceptable, i feel it is no excuse and is completely unacceptable.

This is a hard one. Are you in love with each other and have you spoken about how his actions actually display a really hurtful lack of respect, and it's been going on so long that you're actually considering leaving him over it? What would his response be if you asked him to change?

I don't see the problem. He probably said he was working late because he knew you wouldn't have "let him" have a few Friday night drinks after work.

If he's able to look after the kid this weekend, I don't see the problem.

Weekend behaviour is shit but weekdays that ain't too bad. More than I ever had

And how exactly is it going to be harder? He does eff all pretty much apart from work.

At least OP would get EOW to herself

As a lone parent for 15 years I can tell you my life is a lot easier without a useless man in it.

Well money will be shorter for a start. That's not a small detail. And there is no guarantee of EOW. It could go either way - he might never see the child, or he might go for 50/50. A lot of previously uninvolved dads do this, whether it's for spite, to avoid paying maintenance, or more charitably because they now suddenly realise what they stand to lose in terms of time with their child.

You might also have to coparent with an angry and obstructive ex. And any partners he might bring into your child's life. That's not easier than being married either.

Most mums don't want to not see their small child 50% of the time, so a bit of thought before jumping to divorce is warranted.

@Almostwelsh

You might also have to coparent with an angry and obstructive ex. And any partners he might bring into your child's life. That's not easier than being married either.

Are you serious? You think you should stay married to an abusive man rather than co-parent?

That's a leap. That poster did not mention anything about abuse. Not all break ups are happy, especially when they are one-sided, so can lead to dealing with an angry ex. Doesn't mean the ex was abusive in the relationship, or even pist the relationship.

You don't have to be abusive in the marriage to be angry and uncooperative following a divorce you did not want. Divorce hurts. Hurt people don't always act rationally and calmly. It can be as simple as being awkward over holiday dates and constantly "losing" school uniform and not returning it.

Can be that they introduce the DC to a succession of girlfriends. Or stopping the payment of Child Maintenance the minute the child turns 18 despite them being at university and costing a fortune.

Lots of ways an ex can make your life difficult without it being actual abuse.

This. When you’re a parent, your personal happiness does not come before everything else. I’m sorry, and I know that this doesn’t align with the usual ‘kids need a happy parent’ mantra that’s spouted all over this site but, unless the situation is genuinely abusive, relationship break ups, multiple homes, blended families and split schedules are not always conducive to a happy childhood.

He didn't 'say', he lied

And where is the OP's time for a 'few drinks after work'?

When is he the default parent?

I found my life much easier as a single parent, despite having to negotiate co-parenting with the angry narcissistic ex. Just not having to do everything and also tiptoe around the other person or else have to do the work that they create (I had MORE free time as a single parent with my dc than I’d had when I lived with her dad).

However I agree with the second point, I do wonder if there’s more to this. @PoppyGalore1 is this the last straw of many similar events? Do you feel undermined or disrespected most days?

Nor is a parent on their knees because their life partner won't step up

Could you do your new job as a single parent?

Maybe point that out to her husband

Get your laptop and go find a cafe that allows you to work there. I hope you haven't been doing the parenting solo so far today? After Monday have a discussion about how disrespectful he was and what needs to change for you to want to continue in the marriage. Good luck with the interview.

Unfortunately her husband might not do too badly on divorce. 50/50 parenting if he wants that, but EOW or less if he doesn't. 10% of his income on Child Maintenance - I bet he spends more than that at the moment. He can go out and drink as often as he likes.

I might be bitter but I know my ex spends much less on Child Maintenance than he had to spend on his children when we were together. And if it's not convenient for him to have them he just doesn't. I'm basically a cheap nanny for him. He was annoyed by me getting a big percentage of the house, but that's about the only penalty he faced for his infidelity.

You can still go out with clients and not get wasted. In fact I'd suggest it's not a great career move to get trashed in a work context.

So OP should communicate with husband and look for improvement, no?

Not just jump to breaking up!