To think I'll never have sex ever again

[Notanytimesoon]

Or be attractive to a man ever again. The concept is so alien to me.

Mid 40s, fat, tired, single parent and I have no life outside of work and looking after DC. Weekends consist of playdates as I work full time, housework and change overs with ex. My life is extremely limited, self esteem is in tatters, my physical and mental health is low. I look back at my marriage and my ExH was only interested when I dressed up, full hair and make up. He gawped at women all the time. I've felt mostly unattractive my whole lifek and except for the decade I was married, I've always been unattractive and unloved.

I'm not looking for another love of my life but wonder if I will ever have a date, a shag or a relationship ever again.

I'm sorry but you can change being fat. It's also not a lot of effort to do make up.

@Notanytimesoon thanks for your post - I understand the feeling of being on the outside looking in and the feelings of loneliness this causes. I am also capable of socially isolating myself and at the moment I am mainly working or with my (grown up but at home) dc. I also lack confidence.

In my worst moments - and this includes when I was still married to exh but we were basically estranged, I feel that love is just something that happens to other people.

I suppose the reality however is that a lot of people remain single after divorce and some people never ever find a partner or have the families that they want to have in the first place.

Why do you think that your children are not having a good childhood? I am sure you are doing a lot better than you think, and it takes a lot of strength to go through a divorce.

While married one of my drivers for getting divorced was that I did not want my dc to think that my loveless non-relationship was normal or an example or any kind.

They may never see me in a loving and functional relationship but at least they know they can get out of a terrible one.

Maybe the first port of call (for me too) might be rekindling and building social relationships generally?

BFF was in your frame of mind 11 yo. She met a man at her local pub quiz and 2 months later was having the wildest most fulfilling sex of her life. You never know when you'll meet them, and when you do it's chemistry not hair and make up that makes it work.

Read 'it's not you' by dr Ramani and 'love life' by Matthew hussey
Ask for help with weight loss from gp or join a thread here

You have no idea how you'll feel once your DC has grown up and moved out.. you might have a whole new lease of life. Right now you're bogged down with work and lone parenting. Circumstances change.

I don’t want a Ferrari and I’m not miserable that the chances are low that I’ll ever have one. If it’s bothering you I think you need to be honest and listen to your feelings, that you actually do want sex and a relationship at some point in the not too distant future even if not right now.