Birthday AIBU

[loulouwho1]

It was my birthday on Tuesday, not a big one. 47. We woke up as usual in the morning. DH and I both working and teenagers hanging around the house.
Not a card, present, nothing. Ok I'll see how the day goes.
I get home from work to a card from DH and the kids with some supermarket flowers.
I feel hurt that there was no thought / planning. DH accuses me of being spoiled. I think that hurts more. I'm the furthest thing from a princess! I work an insane amount of overtime consistently and I do everything for the family.
DH works full time too and contributes at home and with the kids. Generally we have a great relationship.
AIBU for being upset?
You wouldn't even have known there was anyone's birthday in the house. I just can't shake this feeling.

You've covered everything I've been thinking. Thanks for your perspective...

At 47 it's time to realise if you want something you have to ask for it.
Eg:
I would like breakfast in bed on my birthday. We will go out to dinner and you will pay, you will remember it is my Birthday and make a fuss and I will be grateful and graceful throughout!

Once I realised that (I have a decade on you) I stopped being disappointed.

Ps Happy Birthday! 🥳

It's hardly spoilt to expect immediate family to remember your birthday ahead and plan SOMETHING. I'd be even more annoyed at putting it back on you.

I'd maybe make a 'joke' of how lame they are at birthdays and reciprocate on their birthdays. Also, consider just disappearing next birthday to do your own thing because they were "so lame last year".

For everyone's birthday I make a fuss.. always get banner balloons cake etc and thoughtful gifts

Hopefully this is a thing of the past and you do for them now as they've done for you. That's when it will really hit them.

So I got an apology this morning and a recognition of the shitty behaviour... especially for the way he turned it on me.
That's all I wanted.
He was stressed / distracted by work, as was I. So apologised for not putting more through into it.
He took the kids out early this morning so I've been alone relaxing and enjoying doing nothing 🥳

That is good.

I'd be upset too but birthdays are a big deal in my house. I think everyone else in the family would find it odd too if it was someone's birthday and we did absolutely nothing all day

Stressed/distracted by work ffs. Remarkable how you manage to remember family birthdays despite also working full time.

In our house everyone gets the same- pressies, cards, cake. Dd will often put up banners.

I would be ok with flowers and a card but the fact that they left it until the actual day and someone wandered to the nearest supermarket and got flowers and a card. Complete lack of thought and care.

I would forgive kids as they would expect dad to lead on this.

Dh next birthday he would be getting a card and flowers (or equivalent ) in the evening and called a diva if he complains.

I think in these situations you have to match the other persons energy. I would also save the money I would have spent on dh for my next birthday and treated my self to a massage or similar.

Yes - I would drop that for starters.
Being taken for granted by your husband and kids must be very upsetting.
Very unattractive trait.

You know what standard he expects on his birthday then

If you want to be treated a certain way on your birthday, you need to explicitly tell your DH & family that. Whether it's right or wrong that you need to do so. But it's the only way to guarantee you won't feel disappointed on your birthday. Glad you've had an apology now.

Wanting to feel appreciated and seen is perfectly fine. I would be upset too if that's all my family could manage for my birthday. It's not even about money, it's about thought. A small present would have been better than nothing.

These threads always baffle me. DH and I have been together 11 years and never once had a birthday come out of nowhere. Weeks before we're discussing what we want to do for our birthday, where will we go for a meal, are there any specific presents we want etc. We don't make a big deal with decorations or extravagant presents but there's no way it could be forgotten or ignored

I agree you should reciprocate for all three of their next birthdays. (as long as kids are 16+).

Immediate family are often selfish and entitled, it's not intentional, it just is. You run round every year and facilitate all the niceties in spite of your own job, busyness and tiredness to make sure their event is celebrated. It becomes expected.

It's good your husband apologised, but his excuse is just that - an excuse. I'm sure you've found the bandwidth at past birthdays to manage all the usual fal-de-ral in spite of whatever other demands you were juggling. I'd still be very tempted to reciprocate. May depend what Christmas brings!

Actually I would be extremely upset if I was you. Birthdays are always a big thing in my family - not necessarily spending a lot of money, but definitely making an effort. The birthday person always has a birthday tea or lunch either on the birthday itself or in the next available weekend. They get to choose what they want to eat and what kind of cake they want and NEVER have to make their own celebratory meal.

It is my birthday next Friday. My youngest daughter is visiting for the long weekend. I will be having pastries for breakfast (frozen and baked in the day) and I will have my presents first thing. My birthday lunch will be on Saturday... DH is cooking, and he will make my birthday cake. My other daughter and her family are coming over and I will open their present (s) when they are here.

It is the only day of the year when the birthday person is the most important person, so it should be special.