Is he into me or not?

[picklepotage]

I feel like a 12 year old so perhaps that's my AIBU

But I'm so confused so need your opinions please.

I dated a guy last year for 4 months.
We broke up over not much really but coincided with him having huge work stress so we never really had a proper conversation and parted ways.

I texted to wish him a happy NY and we texted each other occasionally and since summer
more frequently.

We went out for drinks in August had a great time. We really get on well. He came back to mine and we carried on drinking , chatting, laughing etc. we talk about everything BUT never about us / our feelings for each other.

He stayed the night. We kissed which was just how I remembered. He's the only man I've ever really enjoyed kissing. I would need tire of kissing him.

Anyway we shared a bed but didn't sleep together. he would have done, but I couldn't because I'd been so upset if he then walked away and no we didn't have the conversation.

A few weeks later we were texting and in conversation it came up where he said I was a gorgeous woman. I thought he was joking as he's never said that before. I didn't think he was that attracted to me.

He was shocked as said he had told me that before. He then tried to arrange meeting for drinks but I got flu and although I tried to rearrange we haven't.

I'm moving house now and I've never done this on my own so it's a bit daunting and he said he'd help me and he's been wonderful.

last week I met him at a viewing and it was so nice. We hugged about 5 times. We said goodbye and hugged then carried on chatting then hugged again then chatted then hugged.

We're meeting again for another viewing. I don't know what to think.

I think he's being kind and wants to help and I think he thinks im attractive but isn't attracted to me. If he were then surely he'd be asking me out.

I'm so confused. I know I should probably just ask him but it feels awkward and I suppose I don't want to be rejected at least this way I think there's hope 🤦🏻‍♀️

Do you think he likes likes me or is he just being a good friend and what would you do?

Sounds like he’s waiting for more of an encouraging signal from you! What signs have you given him? It doesn’t sound like you have!

If he wanted to be with you he would. It sounds to me you're ok to spend some time with every now and then until someone he thinks is better comes along. Sorry OP but you'd be better off not contacting him again and trying to meet someone else. Good luck.

I'm going with @WigglyVonWaggly's view. You're giving him friendzone vibes. Ask him on a date!

If he really wanted to be with you I think by now he would have been very clear he sounds like he's just not interested and I would honestly leave it and move on

This is assuming that all men are confident. He might not have thought OP was into him enough or maybe he's shy...

There's no way to know either way from this yet @picklepotage . You need to make your feelings more explicit to him (however cringe it feels) and then see his reaction.

If he likes you then he'll respond positively with actions to back up his words - not to be confused though with 'I just want to get my end away' actions...

God dating is complicated! Good luck!

I think it’s going nowhere or it would have by now.

Yes true but it's been a while so I wouldn't continue

Ask him? Tell him you like him, would he like to start dating as boyfriend/girlfriend or does he see you both more as friends?

But then he might always be the one who got away 🤣!

And she'll never know how he truly felt. I just think you've got nothing to lose by finding out for certain.

Just ask him - is he being kind as a friend or does he want more? Much better to have the conversation and get it out in the open - I can't stand all the guessing and wondering how he feels - just ask!

Had a similar thing with my dp, he was waiting for signals from me and didn’t want to overstep.

Give him a big hint.

You went out for 4 months and then it ended. I'm sensing it was him not you? This one's hard to read because it could be he isn't sure how keen you are.
I have a feeling he may know. It feels as if he's just filling time, and yes that time filling could also include having sex with you.

You could ask him. But what's so rubbish is the fact many would not be honest about their intentions when asked.

I'd go out on a limb and make it clear you like him. Make it very clear. Yes it may sting if he isn't reciprocating but you really will feel better having just got to the answer rather than wasting time

Yes their is that haha

"Anyway we shared a bed but didn't sleep together. he would have done, but I couldn't because I'd been so upset if he then walked away"

That's silly!!, you really shot yourself in the foot there.

You were dating 4 months & ended up in bed together and despite liking him, you shut it down.

No wonder he feels friend zoned!

I’m seeing him tomorrow as he’s coming to another viewing with me.
I’m going to see if he has time and I’ll suggest going to the pub for lunch and saying something then.

I think he’s being kind and sometimes I do think he likes me more. The weird thing is we talk about everything , things you’d only share with people you’re close with.

He might be insecure. I do get a lot of attention. We probably would not look like a likely match but I really like him and I care about him and I think he does too which is why he’s being so supportive About the house move as he knows I’m daunted by it all. Oh dear , I hope he doesn’t see me like a sister 🤦🏻‍♀️

For the love of all things adult just TALK to him. You know him well enough. Just have a coffee and talk. What actually broke you up.

I think if everything is this complicated and fraught right from the start, it’s probably indicative of how any ongoing relationship is likely to play out. I wholly suspect that you’ll spend a year or so doing an on-off breaking up and getting back together every few weeks / months, both being poor at communicating how you feel and what you need and want, before finally calling a day. All this questioning and wondering and neither of you being able to express what you want or actually talk about how you feel just doesn’t bode well.

I agree with others here. You are giving off strong friend vibes to him. Sharing a bed and he would have slept with you but you shut it down? He seems into you but isn't sure if you are into him. You say you are protecting your feelings but maybe he is protecting his? Those saying if he wanted more he would have gone for it by now it sounds like he has and you have backed off. I think you need to make it clearer that you like him and then I feel he will reciprocate. Ask him out for lunch after the viewing and talk to him.

Be brave! Don't let this guy be the one that gets away. Put yourself out there and see if he feels the same. If he doesn't, you are an adult, you will cope with it. Better than never knowing what could of been. Good Luck!

I'm a big believer in- if a man is interested, you'll know. Any doubt means you're just okay for now, as long as you do the pursuing.

However, I'm not so sure with you, op. If he's lovely but shy, then I think asking him what he thinks about you is the way forward.

If he says the words but doesn't match with actions, then go back to my first paragraph.

Exactly this. Even read your post was exhausting, OP. Two people who are this poor at communicating are never going to pull off a relationship.

Why is this such a bug deal. Spend time together, talk, see where is goes. Don't ruin a great friendship because you need to label it right now.

Oh dear , I hope he doesn’t see me like a sister

I hope so too, given all the kissing 😬

I agree with previous posters. Men are generally quite decisive and clear when they want to have a relationship with someone. Some are too shy or insecure to make their feelings known, but who wants to be with someone like that?

Yeah I know that’s unkind but they’re likely to be hesitant and needy in lots of other ways too and will probably always need the other person to take the lead.

When men are vague in the way this guy is being it’s often because that is what they want- something vague, not a relationship.

But not always. Have the conversation and I hope it goes the way you want it to

Bit mean 🤣

Hope it goes well OP and the pub lunch is the beginning of something beautiful!!!

You say you get lots of attention so maybe he thinks he doesn't stand a chance. I hope he is happily surprised...

Thanks for all your responses.

So we ended up going to 2 viewings , as I managed to get another in and he rushed around so he could see both and we went in my car.

I asked about taking him for lunch as it’s the least I could do, but he had to shoot off afterwards to get to his son’s football match. He did say - but don’t worry you’re not going to get away with it. So I said ok dinner and cocktails then!

We talked about different things in the car and I did ask him how his love life was going. he sounded very despondent , said he couldn’t be bothered with it and dating sites were not the way forward. At which point I should have said - well I’m a tough act to follow, but didn’t think of it at the time.🤦🏻‍♀️

We’re very comfortable and tactile with each other. I think anyone watching would think we’re a couple. So my conclusion is. I think he’s scared to commit (probably past issues) we will go out soon for drinks and I think that will be the time when we move forward or conclude it’s just friendship.

And yes I know it’s ridiculous for two adults, but this way we’re building a good foundation for something long term … maybe 🙏