Difficulty seeing/ planning my future

[Dogstar78]

Currently away with OH. I have realised I find it impossible to talk about future plans. I also feel like my life lacks purpose, so they nicely go together you could say.

Is this normal? I feel like I have lost that thing where I used to have hopes and wishes. I can't even plan things into my diary. I hate weekends I normally end up crying or getting stressed about how much cleaning life shit there is to do.

I work FT. I my dad died at the start of the year and my mum is disabled and not that close by. My son goes to a specialist school and has been making great improvements. In the dying moments of the end of half term he managed to get himself excluded. I feel like we've now gone back to square one.

I guess, I feel so overwhelmed by the day to day. The future feels like a difficult concept. Do other people feel this way?

I would love to feel a real sense of purpose. Everything currently just makes me feel like I can't be bothered.

You need to speak to your gp ASAP, you sound depressed or at the least you have a very low mood. It's hard to recognise how low you feel yourself when you are going through it. Bereavement is hard and it's effects are tough, sorry for your loss , some counselling might help you get through it.

We can only plan as much. Not for every single detail nor predict the exact future. Do your best, be a sound decent human being and enjoy the little moments in life. Keep the tiles clean only and everything else tidy in piles, baskets and allocated places and work it when you have chance. Go out on day trips the weekends

Thank you for your kind words. I will go and see my GP. I don't know if this is perimenopaide making this worse. Everything just feels so hard.

Awww OP from a SEN mum who works full time, it's not something internally wrong with you... you're overwhelmed and depressed because your life is overwhelming and can be depressing. On top of that you're grieving.

When I feel like you sometimes I have to remind myself of that. Definitely talk to the GP. Are you part of any mums groups in real life?

I started going to coffee mornings for mums with autistic children and I really found it helpful.

Sending you love and strength 💙

@Bex5490 thanks for your lovely message. I did go to one of these mornings, but fell off the wagon. It has to be the right group. Some of them made me feel worse afterwards!! I do feel way less resilient at the moment and just not in a good place to be with strangers. Maybe posting here will be the first step.

Definitely a good first step. There are lots of lovely supportive people on here and it's sometimes good just to write down how you feel.

I realised I was suffering when I stopped being able to enjoy music. Maybe not being able to visualise the future is the thing that's making you acknowledge that you're not in a great place.

Do you talk to your OH about it? X

@Bex5490 ues. We had a long talk last night and he was very supportive. When I am having issues with my son, it makes him him upset seeing me upset. I get that, I feel the same when he had had difficulties with his kids.

He is very much a planner and has goals but I don't always feel like they are 'me".we are still not married and we both want to be but our ideas are so opposed on how to do it. He is willing to flex to a certain extent butIchave always hated attention and I know he'd love a big celebration. We are both trying to compromise but then nothing happens!

I feel guilty as people looking into our lives from the outside probably feel like we have it all together. We are lucky to have the luxury of making future plans. However, ai am consumed by worry about my son and mum and my low mood.

I am going to take action when I get back. Maybe stepping of the treadmill has been beneficial if not quite the restorative way I was hoping for!

So glad that you've got a kind partner to talk to even if you're not on the same page about everything.

I'm no therapist, but a lot of what you say is feeling bad for not feeling how you think you should feel.

I should feel grateful because I have the luxury of...

I should be able to plan for the future...

Who says you should feel any of those things except you? You're being very hard on yourself. You should feel worried about your son being challenging and getting excluded, you should feel tired from caring for lots of people and sad that you've lost someone you love. How you feel is completely normal. You might just need a bit of help not letting those normal feelings overwhelm you.

I bet you're a lovely mum and a nice person. It's defo easy to say but try and be a bit kinder to yourself x