Meeting an ex

[BeSpryOrca]

Ex from 15 years wants to meet .

ive had no contact till now . I reached out because I think I’m still traumatised by the toxic relationship , how it ended and wanted closure and to say my piece . It was deep I was young and I guess I wanted some answers . I still dream some are bad and sometimes I’m still anxious or remember things , I also worked with him which was tough

when I called him the first question he asked was about whether I was single . I was caught off guard and said nothing , he asked again and I said I’m married though why did it matter .

he kind of gut wrenching roared ‘fuuuuuuckkk’ then he said he would beat my husband up if he wasn’t looking after me . I was shocked

he went on to tell me that he was so glad I got in touch and he wants to meet .

i was pretty gobsmacked because this guy was probably the love I have never forgotten but got away from .he said he wants to be friend and he’s so happy I got in touch regardless

i was all fired up to say a few words and agreed to meet him but I’m starting to wonder whether this is a bad idea , my feelings got confused . I’ve got an amazing family and OH and im worried I’m not going to do what I set out to do .

this guy broke my heart it took a long time to build what I have with my family

maybe I should just not meet and go NC again , but I know I should go and tell him for closure but what if I get emotional and fuck up ?

AIBU to tell him maybe we shouldn’t meet after all

Jesus, of course don't meet him. Block.

And get some therapy!

He sounds like a twat to me.

Closure can only come from within yourself, its nothing to do with what he will say to you. He is unlikely to give you the answers you want.

No good can come from this

you need therapy OP.

I’m still traumatised by the toxic relationship
this stood out to me… if this is true why do you expect interacting with him will be any different to last time. Keep away

This. Like fuck will you get closure from this dead weight of twattery.

Have you told your OH about this?

I'd not be happy in his shoes!

Also this

You are about an inch away from fucking up your marriage and your entire life. Your ex cannot give you closure. You’ve just contacted him at a time when it’s convenient for him to try his luck.

If you put any value on your marriage, wake the fuck up. Block him. Don’t contact him to tell him you’re blocking him, or that you made a mistake in contacting him. Just block him on every single platform there is. Google Limerance and get some counselling.

This guy broke my heart it took me a long time to build what I have with my family.

…what if I get emotional and fuck up?

@BeSpryOrca, my heart goes out to your innocent Partner and children who believe that you cherish them and value their well-being. You are about to destroy their lives just so you can degrade yourself with the pig who shat all over you 15 years ago.

How would you feel if your P was messaging his former GF and agreeing to meet up with her, and was concerned that he might ‘get emotional and fuck up’?

Give your head a shake. You have agency in your life and you actually made your own closure when you found the strength and gumption to build up yourself and create your family. Please don’t sabotage and ruin it all. View this guy as poisonous and block him.

I agree that IC would benefit you.

What if I get emotional and fuck up?….

You’ve already fucked up, by contacting a ex!!!

I love this honesty

i have blocked him . Thanks for the girl power . I’ll go get counselling .I've probably fed his ego and ur right , why the fuck do I want to talk to someone who was so shitty to me , for any reason

thanks guys the slap I needed

I'd delete everything as well because if your husband ever finds the messages that show you agreed to meet him (assuming you haven't told your husband?), then it's not going to look good at all.

Buy the freedom programme. I bought it recently. It explains how the abuser essentially plants a seed in your head that makes you want to go back to them. they were manipulating you during your relationship. The things they say are all about control. It isn’t because they actually like you.

He will never give you any answers, it's just him.

It's probably tied up with that particular phase of your life but he's the past and your family are now

It was like he knew I might not meet him , so he made me promise I would and I don’t know why the fuck I did that .because I I actually only called to speak to him . I didn’t call to arrange to meet him . I’ll look at the freedom programme thanks again . I feel like a very shitty person I don’t know what’s wrong with me

There’s nothing wrong with you he has actually been manipulating you, that’s what he did when he was with you but you didn’t realise it, he has created certain ideations and desires in your head and it is all to control you

It's like that parable where a person was bitten by a snake then goes to find the snake to find out why they bit them and got bitten again!

You have a good life now, why on earth risk your family for a snake 🐍?!