To think this is a very strange attitude from a social worker? Or from anyone really.

[Weirdatwork]

Talking to acquaintance who's an older people's social worker. They said that in their opinion any older person whose adult children abuse them, for example by gaining control of finances and spending their money, or even hitting them, must have been a terrible parent. When I said 'Really? All of them?" they said " Yes" . I said something like 'are you sure, there must be exceptions' and reply was 'I don't want to discuss it further'.
AIBU to find this absolutely bizarre and frankly professionally sus? How can you safeguard people if you basically think they deserve it? No witnesses so I can hardly report them.

It sounds like you hit a nerve with that person on a personal level. I don't think it would necessarily make her bad at her job at all and I also think it's odd you would assume that.

Er, that’s really weird. I’m an older persons specialist nurse and that hasn’t been my experience at all.

@GiveMeSpanakopita I would have concerns about somebody I worked with if they said that.

Why on earth is my worry odd? Surely you can't help people effectively if you think they deserve their misfortunes.
Would you think it's OK for a Policeman to think any girl out on a night in a short skirt deserves to be sexually harrassed?

You’re definitely not being unreasonable and I totally agree that I’d be worried about their ability to protect/speak up for those in their care if on some level they believe they deserve the way they are treated.

Many crimes against parents including murder have often been because the parent spoilt the child and over indulged them rather than abused them.

I suppose spoiling them is a form of abuse but you know what I mean.

Did she actually say they deserve it?

Maybe she meant that poor parenting leads to this type of behaviour, in her opinion?

They definitely let the veil slip a little with that comment.

Er, if an older person’s social worker believes that all elderly suffering abuse or mistreatment from their kids have been terrible parents, yes that would make them pretty bad at some major aspects of their job - on account of advocating for elderly people is part of their job, as is not making assumptions.

However it depends if that’s literally what they said - or if it was something more qualified, like that in their experience there’s a correlation.

If it was really the former OP then if you can find out where they work, I would put in a complaint.

It’s an ignorant statement and considering what she does for a living it’s quite unsettling to hear she feels that way.

I have family experience of a very good parent being financially abused by their son and a shitty parent being financially abused by their son. I also have experience of a really shitty parent being very well cared for by their children with daily involvement. Elder abuse, like other forms of domestic violence, crosses social, cultural and financial boundaries. It’s about what kind of person the adult child is not what kind of parent the elderly victim was. Also, it’s very, very common particularly financial abuse and neglect.

This, who is this person?
Are you really thinking of reporting them?
Having that as a personal opinion doesn't mean they won't safeguard someone.
Do you think doctors/nurses don't have negative opinions on people who have poor lifestyles?
Doesn't mean they can't provide required treatment.

Spending all your working life with people who abuse and are abused can give you a very one sided view of life. It’s like working in a company complaints department - the company may be good at what they do but if all you ever hear are complaints you’ll think the company is shit.

She may have a wealth of experience to support her view, or have become professionally weary. Luckily it doesn’t matter whether she thinks someone was a shit parent, it’s her job to support and protect vulnerable adults. Is there any evidence she isn’t doing that?

difficult. No one can help what goes on in their heads, we aren't in charge of our thoughts but we have to be in charge of our actions. What I do find strange is that she would express such a thought to you or anyone except perhaps a counsellor. I used to work in the NHS and for the most part people's thoughts on people who are ill because they have made poor lifestyle choices is that choices have consequences. I do think that it sounds like she is bringing her lived experience into the job and I don't think that the way she is doing it is a good thing, not for her, not for her clients. I don't see what you can do about it though. I do know for a fact that what she says is not true though. I dealt with a case where the son in law was the abuser and he also abused his wife and made her abuse her mother.

Nobody is obliged to be in work mode at all times. Nobody deserves to have their every throwaway statement analysed with the same standards as would be applied in the workplace during a professional review.

I know a doctor who, outside of work, evinces all sorts of opinions which would doubtless upset Mumsnet. That doesn't stop him being excellent in his specialism and advancing all the time. Same with my family member who is a teacher.

Social workers are not magical blameless beings. They are human, they say unpleasant things, sometimes they may mean to, sometimes things get taken wrong, or they feel triggered, or it's a bad day.

The UK has a drastic shortage of social workers, especially in child protection and elder care. Are you honestly, honestly seriously considering snitching on an acquaintance for a throwaway comment when it's your word against theirs?

Like I said, you are the one with an odd attitude. Very odd.

Is she a colleague? Is the user name 'weird at work' in reference to this?
How did the conversation come up? How did you get on to this topic, was it one you led?....
Bit odd topic for a discussion with an 'acquaintance'!

Blimey, that's a bit OTT and aggressive 😳

Why? How is saying that if you have such conviction in her ability to practice and are going to report her? Why not tell her?

Her professional persona would have given you a very different answer. That sounds like a cry for help to me.

If she's saying all elderly adults who are abused by their grown up kids deserve it then it's a pretty sweeping statement.
I can imagine being an SW you get a sense of the most upsetting family situations, to the point you may think of it as common. Presuming people she's met in her work have said their parents was awful, that's why they don't want to care for them etc. by default that's going to be what she sees a lot. But I'd take it with a pinch of salt.

Flummoxed tbh by all the "very odd" comments. What's odd about feeling this is a poor attitude? Let alone 'very odd"? You haven't explained anything, just repeated it in an attempt to paint me as a villain for some reason

And no, I am not going to report, as I can't. I said that.

But apparently I'm a terrible, very odd person for objecting to this even in thought. OK then. All old people, without exception, who are abused deserve it. Got it. Nothing odd at all about that.🙄

Er, I specifically said couldn't report it due to the context. Did you not read my post? But apparently I'm a terrible person for thinking it was a bad attitude.

I wouldn't assume she was saying they deserved it but had observed a correlation in her experience.

It doesn't necessarily mean they were abusive.

I once met a family psychologist who said that, in her entire career, she'd never met a problem child who didn't have problem parents. She wasn't saying it could never happen but that, in her personal experience, she'd not encountered it.

I'm a teacher and I will tell you that the first parents evening of the year is very enlightening. If you remove SN from the equation, the children all suddenly make a lot more sense once you've met their parents - good and bad. That doesn't mean I'm never surprised but as a broad brushstroke, it fits.

As a social worker I've met many other social workers along the way who have opinions I didn't agree with. There's good social workers and bad social workers and there are burnt out and jaded social workers in every social care department in the country.

This social worker's experience may have been as they have described. Mine, as someone who deals with financial abuse daily is that anyone can be vulnerable to financial abuse, good parent or not.

just ( if real) a human with opinion
so