To not use correct family titles

[Ontobetterthings]

Just saw a thread where someone was talking about their "husbands brother". Why not say my brother in law.. Seeing this and other variations on here constantly.

Because sometimes you need to be specific. Bil is too vague.

Yabu. Your brother in law could also be your sisters husband.

Brother in law could mean your siblings spouse or your spouses sibling. Sometimes its important to clarify.

Your brother in law could also be your sister ‘s husband. So clarity is useful.

Surely that’s just to make it clear which BIL? So not a sibling’s husband, for example.

ETA: cross posted!

Apparently it used to be normal in Ireland to say, "my uncle's wife" instead of aunt to distinguish between those aunts who were blood relatives and those that weren't. It would give more information about the relationship.

In a similar way, saying husband's brother in place of brother-in-law gives more information about the relationship, because a brother-in-law could be your sibling's husband as much as your husband's brother.

I usually refer to "my father's wife". Some people might ask "why not your mother or stepmother?".

The facts are:

• She is not my mother.

• She is only 12 years older than me.

• I was 24 years old when my father married her, so we have never had or wanted any kind of mother/daughter relationship.

To call her "mother" or "stepmother" would be uncomfortable and misleading.

My brother-in-law, Ben (husband's brother) is 15 years younger than him. Ben and his wife have a 8 year old son, Michael. It would be the height of absurdity if my nineteen year old daughter referred to him as "Uncle Michael".

It would be weird if she called her cousin Michael, uncle anything really, yes.

On threads, if someone says they have an issue with their BIL or SIL, the first question people will ask is "are we talking about your husband's sibling, or your sibling's spouse?" It's just quicker to give that information in the OP.

“Correct titles” in English are very general. Other cultures/ languages can have different titles for each type of relative. Eg Chinese paternal and maternal grandparents are yeye/nainai weigong/weipo respectively similar rules for aunts and cousins, sometimes it even differentiates between uncles older or younger than ones father.

I presume it comes from the propensity (until a few decades ago)
for large families and agrarian communities

But Michael isn’t her uncle, Ben is?

People choose titles based on feelings. Even if subconsciously. My Hs brother rather than my BiL puts the 'ownership' where the person wants it. They're not 'my' whatever they're my Hs whatever.

@GoingForALongWalk yes Michael is your daughter's cousin.
Not uncle.

My brother-in-law, Ben (husband's brother) is 15 years younger than him. Ben and his wife have a 8 year old son, Michael. It would be the height of absurdity if my nineteen year old daughter referred to him as "Uncle Michael".

It would be absurd because Michael isn't her uncle. He's her cousin.

If Michael were her uncle, it would be weird if she actually addressed him as 'Uncle Michael' when talking to him, but perfectly reasonable to describe him as 'my uncle' in conversation, although I imagine she'd want to clarify that he was younger than her.

I referred to my mum's husband as "mum's husband" for the first couple of years for similar reasons. I was 18 and already had a dad.
Then he earned himself the title of "step-dad". Over the last 22 years he's done more for me than my actual dad.

I technically have 2 sisters in law. One I don’t have a relationship with so it feels odd to call her my SIL, I refer to her as my brothers wife

There is a lot of misunderstanding around this sort of thing though.

Kate and Meghan were often described as "sisters in law" but they aren't - Kate is Harry's sister in law, and Meghan is William's. There is not a word to describe the relationship accurately between the two women.

And don't get me started on how many people don't understand second cousins, or the "once removed" business.

It comes from old Gaelic hence the practice.