AIBU to not want to be tracked?

[F40ish]

My DC want to know my location through a phone app.

I am at home most of the time so I don’t see the need but also I think it may increase my DC anxiety if they can see eg I’m in a big city.

I don’t want them to know my every move although I do tell them where I am going if they ask.

However, I do have their location (from their phones) on my phone (which they know how to turn off). This is so if they are out with friends & I am struggling to get hold of them then I know where to collect them from if needed (which has come in handy a few times).

Also their Dad shares his location with them but that’s his choice and we have a different set up.

AIBU?

My DD has my location and I have hers. I think it's nice we both know where the other is if we need to.

I wouldnt ever see it as her knowing my every move 😅 but we all think differently

Would it hurt to just use it when you are in a big city?
I understand the hesitation, I wouldn't want to use it, but if you're expecting them to do it for you then maybe you can to show some reciprocation.

This summer, the media reported on 2 people who died whilst out walking on their own. Location Tracking could have saved both of them. If you also live on your own, you can get a device that let's someone else know if you don't turn your kettle on, so can check up on you. It doesn't matter how old you are, everyone can fall ill, or have an accident, and the tech is available to help.

Are you vulnerable in any way? Or particularly trusting of strangers? It seems a bit odd that your DC would be anxious about you being in a city. What are they anxious about?

You can't track them and refuse to be tracked back. If you don't want it you need to insist they turn it off on their phone too.

I’d say actually you can. They’re not parents, or responsible for you. I’m an adult and capable of looking after myself and acting responsibly. They’re not.

Oh I misread it and thought it was her partner oops.

I'm not a fan of tracking anyone to be honest.

I think it's far too easily abused by jealous control freaks in relationships.

I think you need to turn the question around. Why don't you want to be but you think it's ok to track your DC?
I actually find the whole tracking situation abhorrent. We aren't teaching children (young teens) to look out for themselves. If they know they're being tracked then mum or dad can step in. Except the reality is we can't due to distance. I don't want or need to know where DH is. If we need to know we can call. I want my kids to think about their boundaries and behave accordingly. Like we all did before this tech.

I do in theory agree with not tracking them although they seem to like me knowing where they are. I wonder if the younger generation doesn’t see an issue with it.
Also they are awful at answering their phones so it would have caused issues in the past although I usually roughly know where they are anyway.
I am very good at answering my phone so this doesn’t apply to me.
I’ve never shared a location with a partner. I have nothing to hide but it just feels strange and I’ve wondered what will happen when the DC become adults.
I probably need to chat to them to find out why they want to.

We don't track our child and they won't track us, none of us are pets and I see no need

Using anxiety doesn't make it any better that should be dealt with separately

I completely agree but it’s a highly unpopular opinion on here

I don’t think there’s an easy yes or not answer to this.

Dd (20) and I both have access to each others locations. Mainly, so when she is at Uni and out on a night I can see she got home ok. It was her suggestion and not mine.

I don’t mind her having mine. Honestly, neither of us ever check it. The last time I checked it was to see how close the bus was to the bus station so I could pick her up.

On the other hand I know someone at work whose daughter is constantly on the phone questioning where her mother has been ‘why did you go to Asda on the way to work’, ‘why did you go a for a walk at lunchtime’, ‘you finished work 5 minutes ago why haven’t you left yet’. And she does the same to her adult brother and her father and her own partner. We are constantly told about how it’s her anxiety and this helps her. I have known this woman since her child was a teen. It’s not helping and if it is anxiety rather than control, it’s not helped in the slightest.

I wouldn’t allow the tracker in that situation. But I don’t think there’s one answer that’s right or wrong.

Nobody in this world needs to be able to see where my phone is at all times. And I have no need or desire to see where anyone else's phone is either.

You're not unreasonable.

I have a friend who’s is tracked by her whole family, I find it intrusive and it puts me off being out with her. We went a walk one day and decided to pop into the pub for a glass of wine and within minutes her daughter phoned saying she had lied and that we had said we were going for a walk and not a pub! I just found it all very bizarre and makes me uneasy going out with her.

my dh and kids don’t track me and vice versa.

That’s horrendous!
I find it interesting that in many of these stories, it’s the kids doing it to the adults rather than the other way around!
Anxiety is not an excuse to control other people

It’s so bizarre, her whole family track each other.

her dd does have anxiety but as you say it shouldn’t be used to control. My friend makes excuses and always says it’s nice for them to see where each other is but there is absolutely no need for it.

They are not responsible for you. Why feed their anxiety? I'm astonished that people can't see this.

If I was in the same situation as your friend, I would start leaving my phone at home. Or buy one of those retro phones to take out with me, the ones that are just phones and text.

I get that tracking is useful in emergencies, but that level of surveillance is awful.

Why are they anxious if you are in a big city?
My ds knows what I'm up to date to day so it wouldn't be a surprise if they saw me in a city.

We do both see each other on Snapchat maps, not for any nefarious reasons, just to make things easier eg I can see he got the train as agreed.
I don't think DS checks where I am, but it wouldn't bother me if he did.
In the back of my mind it's there in case he does get into trouble.

None of my family track each other.
I would find it intrusive and unsettling.
I also think I'd be more worried about my children if I could see where they are all the time, not less.

Each to their own .