Habit of talking to random women on social media?

[LilacWriter]

My partner does this but not in a sexy, come on way.

He's on a few different platforms and he gets friendly with random women (and some men occasionally) about hobbies and things quite often.

Like today a woman posted a Halloween video with a dog on Twitter and he replied how cute it was. She replied again and he sent back a big paragraph.

Meanwhile, I got 2 sentences out of him today online.

I mean.... we're in our 30s so we're not kids. AIBU to find this behaviour odd? He's made it clear he doesn't cheat in relationships but it makes me feel like he's looking for something extra sometimes

I don't know if I'm just being really silly here. I just don't like it very much but know I can't tell him what to do.

This is not normal behaviour OP.

is it just women he communicates with?

@Limpet1 no, he chats to men too, but I've noticed more women.

But the cutesy stuff does seem reserved for women. Its not all the time, maybe once a week.

does he do the same with random men too @LilacWriter?

If not, you know everything you need.

eta; cross-post.

Still, it's unusual, am not surprised you're unsettled especially if he is not even present when you're together.

With the dog video, the chat went something like Her: 'you love dogs too?'

Him: I love them, have two at home bla bla bla.

Maybe this is normal on Twitter, I don't know

Mmmmmm I’m unsure that his motives seem like he is trying to find an in with the opposite sex in that case but I’d still find it odd him giving strangers more attention than he does his partner.

I suppose if he isn’t being inappropriate and just chatting there’s not a lot you can really say barring making the decision you find it too odd and he’s not the person for you.

In person everything is good.

I just think it's weird that he's often starting these little chats and connections with people, mostly women. I find it goes on for weeks or months with specific people then stops (unless he's friends with them outside).

I had an ex like this. He needed attention from lots women to feel good about himself. It's weirdo behaviour.

@lilacpeach it's hard to put your finger on isn't it?

Because it isn't cheating. But it's still something that feels off.

I think it's worrying behaviour.

You are supposed to be his partner and you would expect him to interact with you and you to be his primary focus. Of course it's normal to have friends. But to spend most of his time interacting with other women would indicate he isn't particularly interested in you.

Perhaps he is on the look out for someone new. But even if he isn't I wouldn't be happy about him preferring random strangers to interacting with me.

@LilacWriter I honestly didn't mind at first - it was in the earlier years of social media where it was more common to chat to randoms so i rationalised it that way. But over time it did become more inappropriate and I wish I'd seen it for the red flag that it was. If it feels off to you, it is!

Sorry, I'm not saying I feel he isn't focused on me in person.

I think I am still his main focus but I don't know why he needs this too. I just scrolled through his replies and the one I actively didn't like was a month ago telling a woman she has nice hair.

He's got very impressive curly hair and hers is a similar texture so they were discussing it. Should be be telling random women on Twitter that she has nice hair?! I don't think they're going to meet up and shag but it's odd.

How strange it’s only other woman he interacts with….

He threw me a birthday party last week and put in loads of effort, I know he loves me. But yeah - it's odd.

How long have you been together @LilacWriter? I don't doubt that my ex loved me, he was great in many ways for good while - but his need for little ego pick me ups from other women was a serious flaw.

Same, my ex doesn't have 2 dogs or I would wonder if it's him

@lilacpeach 1.5 years.

My ex also did this and he was a cheat. I don't think my current guy is a cheat, but he clearly gets a little frisson or something from these connections.

He's friends with his ex of ten years and there was no cheating, and he said he hasn't before. I believe that but it bothers me.

@TwoNinetyNine hard to say.

For a start it's more visual. I'm yet to see him chat to an objectively bad looking woman.

Complimenting hair and appearance things are rare but still not nice for me to see. I suppose it does feel more personal too. I might be jealous though.

No I haven't because then he'll know I've been creeping on his social media! But if I see something recent I can say it appeared in my feed and raise it that way.

He gets plenty of attention from me. Maybe for some it's never enough. Or he just thinks nothing of it.

Maybe he's just an extrovert and doesn't get out enough.

The curly hair thing I understand. I have wild curly hair and those without it don't understand what a challenge it is. He might have been talking to that woman about their hair because it's not really a conversation most would have with a man.

@LilacWriter hate to say it, but I thought for a long, long time that my ex was not the cheating kind, until he was.

To me, these little interactions show him to be attention seeking and insecure in himself. If he wants to pass time by chatting to people online about specific interests/hobbies, or even anonymous chat like Mumsnet or Reddit that's one thing, but the striking up random chit chats with attractive women is just unnecessary. You're allowed to feel weird about it, because it's not an outlet/ego stroke that most happy and fulfilled people need.

My current partner has a number of female friends he chats to regularly, and old colleagues that are women who that he meets for coffee/dinner from time to time - this doesn't bother me at all, they are all lovely. I like that he has normal platonic friendships with the opposite sex just like I do. But neither of us feel the need to interact with hot randoms online - there's just no need!

Its possible. He always says he an introvert but he's very sociable so I'm doubtful of that.

His work has meant not getting out much lately so probably something in that.