Passive aggressive family

[Straightuptoyourface]

Aibu to think once a person starts sending your child birthday cards and gifts, they should continue? I have 2 sisters and they have stopped this year for no reason. One of them did send a hb text. My daughter turned 3 last week. I know they continue to send cards and gifts to each others kids, who are a few years older. I don’t feel entitled, but it’s the inconsistency and changed behaviour that hurts. I definitely can’t say anything. We are not very close. Aibu to feel so hurt? What do other people do to deal with passive aggression? Confrontation is not an option.

Yes. I’m aware I shouldn’t have written this post at all as cannot give the full story.

if you aren't very close then does it matter if they are 'passive aggressive' at you if you say you are hurt?

If the worst they are going to do is be passive aggressive then is that really so scary? It's a pretty easy type of behaviour to ignore and to laugh at tbh.

I'd just stop sending them anything and just enjoy my life with the people who care about me and be civil when I had to interact with them.

They don't need to be important in your life, they really don't.

Ah op - I really do get it and I empathise massively. It’s sometimes hard to express but you just know and sense the intent behind someone’s actions. The only advice I can give is… drop it, realign your expectations and drop the rope. Decide today you’re no longer going to try as hard, turn your gaze away from these people. Decide you’re going to lower your expectations and move your life in a different direction. It’s so freeing when you do. You cannot alter their behaviour. You can’t make them include you or treat you better. So stop trying.
The reason it’s so upsetting is because this is the way humans have made themselves feel better and elevate themselves for millennia, by excluding others. It’s an unpleasant side of human behaviour. We’re hardwired to care what people think of us and there are some that will exclude others to feel that power. The only way to take that power away is to drop that rope. Fuck em. Crack on with living your life with people that won’t do this to you.

@Straightuptoyourface I'm all for recommending therapy. I think you should pursue it. Because when you are dealing with some complicated family dynamics it can be very confusing and you can't even trust your own feelings properly.
It sounds like there are dysfunctional issues in your family. A therapist can help you make sense of this, can help you decide what's best for you and your family and go from there.

Forget the cards for now. Just focus 100% on getting support all for yourself outside of the family.

I was so desperate for a relationship for my child and their cousins, I tolerated all sorts. I now see and feel completely differently. For your own well being, I'd keep well away from FB and observing anything your sisters are doing here. It's akin to self harm and will really hurt you emotionally right now if they're lording it all over their pages.

Thank you so much. I’ve literally only realised today, at the age of 40, that there’s been a game going on in my family for most of my life. They’ve been lashing out at me in subtle ways for years, and it has nothing to do with me! It’s what I represent. And a scapegoat for someone to direct their pain at. Yes we all know the intent behind a persons actions, we just do don’t we. I’m going to try and stop the rope but respond with kindness and equal energy whenever they reach out to me. But my expectations will be very low.

Thank you. And I’m sorry for what you’ve had to tolerate and I hope you are healing now?hugs. It’s so painful as it goes against what family is supposed to be. Yep I’ve had to come off social media 2 years ago as it was so painful seeing ways in which I was blatantly excluded.