To reach out to old friend in Valencia (floods)?

[CosmoQ]

I have a male friend who split up with his long term partner of ten years last year. He did the dumping and I haven't spoken to her since because he was my main friend and I liked her, but we weren't close.

Before this I used to visit them both at their home in Valencia a lot.

Anyway she's been on my mind since the awful floods and deaths news in Valencia yesterday. AIBU to send a note saying I hope her and her family are ok?

Or in her shoes would you just find that annoying after all this time?

It would be kind, she might not reply either way but I wouldn't find it annoying.

I would, why not? Presumably no hard feelings and I can't see why she'd be annoyed at being thought of kindly by someone.

@Timetoread yes I suppose I just need to think, how will I feel if she doesn't reply?

As long as ita just to express my good wishes and that's all, it shouldn't matter.

I'd find it super annoying that I was dumped by association only to be thought of again when you have an opportunity to play drama vulture.

I wouldn’t right now. If she’s in an affected part of Valencia, charging opportunities and signal are at a premium; and I’d save them for people she’s close to.

It’s nice that you’ve thought of her, but in these circumstances, I’d leave it be. Good wishes are nice but she may still need actual help.

I agree with this. I'd assume you were only messaging to make yourself feel better.

In her shoes I would find it a bit grief vampirish tbh.

A year of no contact and then when there's a disaster you want to be in contact again.

I would. It could be just a brief message ' I hope you are OK, I'm thinking of you'. My home town was badly damaged a few years ago and I messaged many people. A family member lost their business and said the messages of support from all over was so encouraging at a time of despair.

Thanks for letting me know.

I can't imagine anything wrong with that. Since you are doing it out of kindness, she will probably sense that you have good intentions. And it may help her to cope, knowing that people care.

Of course message her. It will make her feel better that people care.

Hope she doesn't respond asking for money. 😗

So you have her email? You can send a longer message.

Just say it's such a shame contact dwindled but the floods have made you realise life is too short for lack of contact.
Say you're thinking of her and tell her to get in touch if you can help in anyway.

I think leaving the door open for her means she can reply if she wants - and either now or if she's fine but busy sorting stuff - at a later date.

Such an awful disaster overrides the usual embarrassment. Of course you are thinking of her and wishing her well and you can say so.

It does seem a little drama vulture to get in touch right now having not bothered since the split- sorry.

If you actually want to get back in touch with her, wait till the crisis is over, then send her a message say the news made you think of her and you hope she is ok.

If you’re not interested in getting back in touch generally then why send a message now.

I would be raging if someone was cheeky enough to do this if they weren't normally in touch with me.

You'd be raging that someone who you feel out of touch with - quite naturally - was worried about you and text to check in.?

Raging seems a huge reaction.

Just either reply or politely ignore their attempts to check you're ok.

Likewise

I wouldn't. If you are not close enough to be in touch then I do think it leans to the (horrid term but true) grief vampire sort of action.

Since you said that her former partner was your actual friend surely messaging him to see it he has been in touch and pass on your best wishes that way is more appropriate/proportionate?

Jeez what a depressing response. Mumsnet seems to be stuffed full of angry misanthropes these days. ☹️

And this one.

Grief vampire ffs! What about considering it might be genuine concern? Better not ever reach out to other people in case though hey?