Dealing with negative people

[lemontrr]

I've realised my parents are SO negative.

Everything is a sign of how shit the world is.

It's really getting me down spending time with them.

I get the world is shit at the moment but what use is it to sit around discussing it all day ?

I've got children to raise and a job to do and I have to live in this world. They are wealthy and healthy and retired. Why drone on about how shit everything is all the time and not just enjoy your life ?

Does anyone else know someone like this ? They're mid sixties, early seventies.

What was your childhood like? What are they like as grandparents?

i wouldn’t have my children around people like this

A lot of drama and fighting between them. They have a very bad / dysfunctional/ abusive marriage and still can't seem to sort it out.

Childhood was all out war between them, pretty much every day.

They do their best as grandparents.

My parents speak languages my kids don't really understand, but I'm sure they pick up on the negative vibes

Limit your time with them. Negatively is draining

I would t subject my children to them
ever
🤷

My mum (85) is like this and it's massively draining. I visit because I have to rather than because I want to. My DC are older and have just stopped visiting her altogether.

I keep contemplating therapy to help me deal with our relationship 😞

Could you point out that a lot of people would love to be wealthy, healthy and retired, but if they aren't enjoying their retirement could they volunteer?

I sigh and just point out how lucky they are and question all the shit they worry about in the Daily Mail how much of it actually rocks their daily life. And I repeat every time ad nauseum.

Snap.

I told my mum she was being negative and she had a massive go at me. Saying I was being horrible and saying she was worthless and no good.

All I said was, please can you stop being so negative about XY as it's getting me down.

and at that point
you turn on your heal
and walk out

I recognise this. The constant negativity and the tantrum when it's pointed out...swiftly followed by constant negativity. Nothing will ever change people like them and the only way to deal with it in my experience, is limiting time in their company, having strict boundaries for what you will tolerate and sticking to them.

My parents were the same - moaning, negative, constantly complaining about each other when the other one wasn't in the room. I visited less and kept conversation absolutely superficial (dogs, weather, TV shows level superficial).

I think the more you make your own contented, positive life the more you notice this behaviour in others. You make the best of things and that they don't becomes amplified. They don't take responsibility for their own life and moan about everything else instead.

To those posters considering therapy I say GO FOR IT. Having parents like this leaves a burden in your head and heart and ironing that out is so freeing and might stop you imploding/feeling the impact for the rest of your life.

Urgh, my parents are like this. My mum is particularly bad, we went out at the weekend and honestly you'd think I'd taken her to a war zone instead of the garden centre with the amount of complaints.

I keep visits short and usually try to do some jobs they need doing while I'm there so I can focus on something. I also find myself telling them that "people on Facebook aren't a valid source of news" helps pass the time.

walk out when she does it
wealthy healthy and have eachother. They are so lucky.
my grandad passed at 67 of a heart attack in 2009 and vascular dementia has caught my Nan (she’s late 70s now), and she’s in a home costing her 1.6k a WEEK, her house has been sold, and she’s so riddled with dementia she doesn’t know this, or know who her family are anymore.

I now don’t mean to be negative but some people need some perspective! Some people are only happy when they are complaining

Honestly, it’s an age thing. My Mum used to be so chilled but everything seems to set her off these days, I spend a lot of time trying to reason with her.