For context I have struggled with both mum and husband generally as far as emotions are concerned. Both are dismissive and always right, don’t want or more likely seem incapable of seeing things from others point of view for as long as I have known them. I Must also add, both have great qualities I admire, but I also end up shouting to try and get my point across with both of them. I am not a shouter and this is not how anyone close to me, apart from them - would describe me but I seem to become extremely frustrated when I don’t feel I am being listened too at all.
I have only ever shouted at my mum twice, once when she was ill and dismissed it (she needed 24/7 care for 4 months from multiple organ failure which I did) that was the first time I shouted from frustration when she tried to pass it off like it was nothing, and the second time was tonight. My dad passed away 2 months ago and she says she is fine, keeps telling everyone she’s fine and looks at everyone like they are mad then they ask how she is.
while also sending 100 watsapp messages to me a day criticising hospital care, what happened to him, how quickly it happened etc.
in my opinion it didn’t happen quickly, he was struggling for 1-2 years which she won’t accept.
i am not ok and have made this clear to her, she has told me it was for the best as he would have become worse and that would have been harder. While I agree with this, it is still devastating and I miss him so much. He was 76 and only ill since Covid, from Parkinson’s and recently diagnosed dementia and it is still a shock to me even though his condition got worse over a short period of time.
my husband, I will admit I have shouted at a lot, he won’t hear another point of view from anyone. I have two step children, he won’t listen to the mothers, (there are 2) and I have realised I get extremely frustrated when people don’t see both sides of the coin and are unwilling to take others perspectives.
i end up getting heated trying to get my point across in the aim that my mum will listen, and I am really beginning to wonder if this is really worth it and thinking I am getting into an absolute state for no reason.
I wanted some advise on how to handle my strong emotions, which only seem to come out with both my mum and husband, which both dismiss everything I say like they know better. I have been told at work I am a too passive, and need to stand up for myself more but I only feel I get heated when really riled and unfortunately it only seems to come out with mum and husband who are obviously around me most of the time.
i know that deep down I am a laid back person that’s willing to take instruction and work together with people which is why I’m really struggling with the emotions raised by my mum and husband.
i honestly think they are the type of people that would challenge anybody, but still always make me feel like I am the problem.
a lot of people have raised concerns my mum is acting like this after my dads death have said it’s a coping mechanism but I honestly feel she is just like this. For example, after we watched dad slowly pass away for 5 days, after a 4 week hospital stay, from a torn oesophagus as he was too weak for treatment for with his frailtee and dementia, she carried on as usual talking loudly and saying she knew it was coming, then after the funereal when someone said it must have been a tough day, she said well it happened weeks ago, I asked her to consider others might not feel the same as she does and she snapped do they want me to break down there’s nothing wrong with being fine, I just want her to understand that other people have different emotions but it does not seem possible to her. My main point is should I completely give up on her trying to see/understand things from others point of view. I’m so tired to explaining myself, I rarely bother but tonight I did and she didn’t seem to understand a single point I made.
sorry for the long rant, I have had therapy in the past and stick by the advice I have been given to be true to myself and be the positivity I need in my life, and that I can’t control others etc but I am struggling so badly to be positive when I feel it isn’t recipricated. I know what I should do, but I can’t seem to do it. I miss my dad, and I think I should be heard and listened too. AIBU?