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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do I feel so sad

8 replies

Dirtydancing1 · 30/10/2024 21:56

Posted in chat but not a lot of traffic, have no one in real life I can talk to.
Been with husband around 17 years.
Im early 40s dh mid 50s.
I've been unhappy for awhile as it's like being with a 70 year old.
Never wants to do anything, always a negative about any suggestions.
I didn't want to get 20 years later and realise I have wasted my life unhappy.
I had the chat last night and felt relieved, then today when he got home from work and I've seen how sad he is.
I feel sad by it all and can't understand why as it's what I want.
We have a couple of children and will need to work out house and things.
So just don't understand why I feel so sad as it's want I want

OP posts:
Spicypumpkinlatte · 30/10/2024 22:01

It could be grief, op...divorce is complicated, brings out all sorts of feelings.

Original poster
Dirtydancing1 · 30/10/2024 22:09

Spicypumpkinlatte · 30/10/2024 22:01

It could be grief, op...divorce is complicated, brings out all sorts of feelings.

I think your right, it's the emotions from everything coming to an end

OP posts:
AttachmentFTW · 30/10/2024 22:13

I think its completely normal to feel a range of emotions when something like this happens. Yes you may want the relationship to end because it's not bringing you anything but it's still fine to feel sad that it didn't work out. I also assume you do or have cared about your DH in the past so seeing him feeling sad is bound to affect you. You are also likely mourning the loss of the relationship that could have been but never was I. E. The one you probably imagined many years ago or when you first got with DH. It's fine to feel all sorts of things. Please go easy on yourself.

Original poster
Dirtydancing1 · 30/10/2024 22:24

AttachmentFTW · 30/10/2024 22:13

I think its completely normal to feel a range of emotions when something like this happens. Yes you may want the relationship to end because it's not bringing you anything but it's still fine to feel sad that it didn't work out. I also assume you do or have cared about your DH in the past so seeing him feeling sad is bound to affect you. You are also likely mourning the loss of the relationship that could have been but never was I. E. The one you probably imagined many years ago or when you first got with DH. It's fine to feel all sorts of things. Please go easy on yourself.

Reading this makes so much sense with how I'm feeling.
Dh is a very nice person who never shows emotions and I do care about him, so seeing him upset does upset me.
Also when we got married I thought that would be it and we would happily live the rest of our lives together

OP posts:
GreengrassofW · 30/10/2024 22:25

Please be kind to yourself, saying it out loud has probably made it a bit more real. A therapist might be a good idea to talk things through with. Divorce involves loss, but also a space for something new in time. Try to honour your feelings and give them space

Original poster
Dirtydancing1 · 30/10/2024 22:29

GreengrassofW · 30/10/2024 22:25

Please be kind to yourself, saying it out loud has probably made it a bit more real. A therapist might be a good idea to talk things through with. Divorce involves loss, but also a space for something new in time. Try to honour your feelings and give them space

Thank you, yes I think it's gone from a feeling to being real now it's been said.
I know time helps just wish I didn't feel quite so bad

OP posts:
GreengrassofW · 30/10/2024 22:33

Would you both consider couples counselling or has it gone past that stage for you and you just want out?

He sounds depressed honestly, and that sounds like it's really taken it's toll on you.

Original poster
Dirtydancing1 · 30/10/2024 22:40

GreengrassofW · 30/10/2024 22:33

Would you both consider couples counselling or has it gone past that stage for you and you just want out?

He sounds depressed honestly, and that sounds like it's really taken it's toll on you.

I think it's gone past that stage unfortunately.
I don't think his depressed, just set in his ways, his happy once his put his slippers on.
He just seems really old for his age and is just settled with how life is.
He is generally a lovely person, I just feel maybe the marriage has come to an end as we are different in what we want

OP posts:
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