To feel concerned about partner’s mental health

[Stillhere3]

I know I shouldn’t have but I went through my partners phone history and he has searched ‘why am I not enjoying being a dad’. We have an 11 week old and he hasn’t addressed this to me at all. Should I bring it up to him? I didn’t think we had secrets.

I think you could probably do it in a roundabout way without being confrontational. It's a big transition, not everyone loves it from the get go, how has he been generally?

No you shouldn't.

I bet if he went through your phone history you've Googled all manner of things, that no-one should necessarily be worried about but wouldn't look good.

If you're worried, have a subtle chat but if you tell him you've snooped through his phone history, he's bound to be very understandably fuming.

My DH really struggled when DS was born and I noticed just by the way he was behaving so suggested going to the GP and he found a lot of support online.

I don't know if I'd tell him I went through his history but maybe when you have a minute or two alone start a conversation and be like gosh having a baby is harder than I thought, how are you feeling about it and hopefully he'll share his feelings about it.

I think it's relatively normal to feel that way and hopefully with some support he'll feel more confident and happy being a dad.

That's not a mental health issue

He's struggling with a new role and a new situation. Good for him for trying to help himself!

My DH really struggled when our twins came along. He cried a lot as he felt so guilty that our 3 year old kept asking to play and we were both constantly either feeding, winding or trying to get a baby to sleep to spend time with him. We were both so incredibly sleep deprived, we both stopped eating (it turns out they both had reflux but we didn’t find out for around 5 weeks) Newborns are bloody hard work and your life is changed massively. Talk to him and hopefully he’ll open up x