Actually I'm not but I've got to say something about this

[Iklboo]

Met my mother in town last night and we caught tram home together. Alighting from said tram with other passengers we all passed a house with a garden.
Staffie dog comes running out of house barking at the gate.
The two young black girls in front of us jumped & screamed.
Quoth my mother "they don't like dogs, n-word"
Quoth I "WHAT did you just say?"
Mother "coloured people then. Or whatever you're supposed to call them these days"

APART from the sweeping generalisation it was the shock of her hearing her say THAT word. Age isn't an excuse, she's only 58.

Told her in no uncertain terms NEVER to use racist or homophobic language in front of DS.
She took the hump saying I was being too PC

I am sorry - the idea that everyone a few years older than me "haven't got a clue, they grew up at times where racism was considered normal" is ridiculous! What era do you imagine 55 year-olds grew up in? 55 year-olds would have been 16 in 1968, the year the world went liberal, and been 16-46 in between 1968 and 1998 - hardly too old to absorb new thinking, updated language, and since things like Equal oportunities policies in the workplace were routinely introduced during that period, you would have to work pretty hard to not know that racism was not acceptable!

Age is no excuse except for people brought up in the 1700s. And even then plenty of people understood that it was wrong. It's attitudes not age that generates racism.

In fact the generation now 75 were in the vanguard of the anti-racist movement, they invented it!

Unfortunately it is not just the older generation who use racist language. I know of people of my generation (mid 30s) who regularly use what I consider to be very abusive language and also make sweeping statements. I am white British, my DH is Afro Caribbean British. An ex friend of mine used to routinely say ahh -- black people don't ski; black people can't swim, etc. and also use the P word when referring to Asian people (regardless of their country of origin of course). So I would not be at all surprised to learn that the n word was part of her regular vocabulary when we were not in earshot. The last straw with this particular person was when she asked what colour my DD was when she was born.

When DH and I first got together I had to give up several friendships because of very abusive comments made, from my well educated, middle class friends (none of whom I would've ever considered to be racist before).

What Blu said.

Regarding "play the white man" - my mother uses it and it makes me cringe; it is most definitely racist. It means to be decent, to play fair - and rather implies that non-Caucasians are not decent or trustworthy.

someone help me out here. I am 'coloured' myself and am a little lost as to what the correct term should be?

Whatever the hell you want, MrsL. don't let other people dictate to you. You describe yourself however you damn well want to! My kids are mixed race and they can call themselves what they choose. I won't have anyone tell them how they may describe themselves. I'm fat. I want to use the word fat, and I will use the word fat. I won't be told that other people think the word fat is offensive and I must use 'heavy' or 'large' or whatever. Screw that. When it's yourself you're describing, you choose the term to suit you!

My mum, looking for a parking space, said "bloody disabled" (meaning all the disabled parking spaces which were empty and inconveniencing her so very much )

in front of my ds which made it MUCH worse IMO

ruddy deliberate ignorance
she would use N word if she thought she could get away with it

Haven't read through the entire thread but YANBU at all. Never mind all this 'PC gawn mad' BS.

My Dad uses language like this (he's 63) and I've told him not to use it in front of me. You can't stop people thinking it but you can stop them saying it and you can let them know you find it offensive.

I don't buy the 'not knowing any better at tehir age' excuse either. My mother is the same age as yours and she wouldn't come out with this sort of remark.

indeed well said Hecate.

My children are coloured, though I have to try hard to remember to use the term "mixed race" around friends, as most of my friends aren't Zimbabwean, so don't realise that it's the most common way for people (including the coloureds themselves) to describe themselves and think I'm being terribly un-PC.

It seems to me that as well as using the n word, it's the generalisation of the OP's mother's statement that is as appalling/galling to her as anything.

However, I still maintain it's the intent in the langauge used that can cause the most offence. A quick example -- I went to a shop recently, had a very long chat with the assistant in there. A couple of weeks later I went in with DH and DD. The assistant immediately recognised me, then saw DH and DD and said "oooh, what a beautiful chocolate baby". Although DH and I did exchange a look (and tbh I think we were both quite shocked), neither of us took any offence at all.

My Mum once said "Goodness these negroes have huge teeth dont they" when we were out shopping - where I live is very ethnically diverse. I couldnt speak I was so shocked and horrified. She is nearly 60. When we got in I just asked her please to never speak like that again in front of me or DC.

Took my dad to an Indian restaurant on one of his visits to London. He told me "you don't have to say "thank you" to these people".

This from the guy who taught me to respect everyone, to be honest, to think for myself. He's only 65 and lived his life in London, not frickin Rhodesia.

I was/am so sad about it. Seems something happens to people as they age.