To feel like he doesn't value my opinion?

[FaithD]

My foreign DH is in a high flying job and very intelligent. It has its pros and cons honestly. He loves to debate and discuss politics.

I am a trained journalist and also been an activist all my life because my parents were and I carried on the tradition.

My DH has a romanticized view of the Labour government (I'm not a fan of Tories either fyi) and whenever I say 'yes well this new policy is good but we also need to keep an eye on this other thing they're doing' he'll essentially roll his eyes and say 'youre just saying that because it's the media opinion, that's what the media tells people'. There's nothing wrong with Labour etc. I find it insulting as he's calling me a little idiot or a sheep that can't form her own opinions.

He said this to me once when my mum was present and she said 'em no, THIS is the reason a lot of us feel this way in Britain about this issue' with a list of reasons he accepted.

I basically feel like he negates my life experience as a person who has lived in the UK most of her life.

Instead of being interested in my life view. Am I over reacting?

What happens if you do the same as your mum and reply back with those points? It sounds very annoying to have your views dismissed and not a great way to have a discussion

I've been together with my OH for nearly 17 years now. We agree on most things, but the important thing when we disagree is that we're prepared to listen to each other, ask questions, and not leap straight to insisting that the other person is wrong.

I'd expect a life partner to be interested in what I thought, even if they disagreed. I don't think you're overreacting. He should be treating you with more respect, even when he does disagree.

When you say that he loves to debate and discuss politics, it sounds more like that he loves to tell other people what he thinks they should think. My Dad is like that (about everything, not just politics) and it's tiresome. Do you want to play the role of an audience for his monologue?

Sometimes it's best to avoid talking about politics as people can have very entrenched views.

Me and DP have very different political opinions on some topics.

We listen to each other. We disagree. He jokingly calls me a "bleeding heart liberal" [I'm really not]. I jokingly call him "Alf Garnet" [he really is]. Then we get on with our lives.

There's no malice. We respect each other. We listen to each other. We value each other's perspective.

Your husband sounds like a self-important tosser. I suspect its not just political debates where your husband devalues you and your thoughts. The fact you mention him having a 'high flying job' is strange, and telling. My DP also has a 'high flying job' but that doesn't necessitate him being a cunt.

@Nogaxeh this is how I feel.

When we first got together he was interested and curious about me. I thought about what would happen if I told my best friend that in conversation. She would reply with interest and curiosity about my experiences, which is what I expect from him too.

For me it is a matter of respect and needing to feel valued. The fact is that he doesn't have the background of growing up in the UK to know all the ins and outs as I do. So why doesn't he want to listen to that instead of leaping to disagree?

It's an obnoxious dynamic I don't want us to get into.

@Mandylovescandy I'm not as good at this as she is because 1) she actually works in politics and 2) I have an emotional, almost tongue tied response when I feel devalued in the moment.

Yes it's insulting, nothing wrong with calling him a patronising prick, give him examples on where he does this and ask him who made him the opinion police.

Course he should be respectful and interested, but I can also imagine an activist's opinions could get pretty wearing after a while. I know quite a few and though I applaud their passion and know they have an important place in the world, I don't need to have things explained to me from their POV half as much as they think I need enlightening. He probably knows what you think about xyz - and you know what he thinks about what you think and it's only going to get more entrenched as the years pass. The problem is that he (and presumably you) still want to debate politics whereas as this point, it might be better to park that as 'dayjob' territory and talk about other things.

Jesus, OP. I’ve been with my very intelligent husband, who has a “high flying” role for 35 years. For much of that time, I was a SAHM. I’m not as smart as he is.
If he once called me a little idiot, his bags would have been on the doorstep. He would never do that, though, because he respects my opinions, some of which differ from his.

The fact is that he doesn't have the background of growing up in the UK to know all the ins and outs as I do. So why doesn't he want to listen to that instead of leaping to disagree?
It's an obnoxious dynamic I don't want us to get into.

Because very often people don't want the ins and outs explaining to them. They have a stance by now and they don't tend to deviate from it. It's like a Guardian reader trying to explain the ins and out to a Telegraph reader. Hiding to nothing. So I'd agree it's a dynamic to avoid rather than expecting him to open his mind. Whether that will work or you need to be with someone more like-minded, time will tell. Although agreeing to disagree is arguably better than an echo chamber.

To add - I missed that he'd actually called you a little idiot. thought that was just how he was making you feel. In that case, I'd draw a line and absolutely not get into it and if he called you that again there'd be dire relationship consequences.

He didn't call me an idiot!

That's how it makes me feel at times.

Misread then. Nonetheless, no one who is supposed to love you ought to behave in a way that makes you feel like an idiot!

Not French by any chance, is he?

It depends what the policies you're talking are. He might think you're engaging in whataboutism and prioritising Social issues in the wrong way. For instance, worrying about benefit fraud just because the government wants to increase benefits or make it easier for the right people to get PIP. Things have been well proven are non-issues or actual myths.

Ah okay, as I thought first time. In that case, it's maybe more an indication of how sensitive this subject is and how you're both going to feel the other is wrong/patronising/foolish however it's approached. If he was interested in and valued me in other ways, then I'd see this as the classic politics/religion minefield to avoid debating, because he doesn't want a debate, he thinks he's right and you're not going to dissuade him so why bother getting into the weeds.

I'm sorry if my previous comment about him being French sounded flippant but you mentioned that he was foreign and your post reminded me of one of the longest four months of my life, which was wasted on some French fool whose every response to anything I said which was even vaguely political was, "Anglo-Saxon."

I couldn't help it, I was just Onglau-Saxone.

Slightly to the right of him?
"Of course. Little Maggie Thatcher! Dame de fer! Tyically Onglau-Saxone."

Slightly to the left?
"You do not understand the true socialism. Onglau-Saxone."

Exactly the same as him, we actually agreed on something and everything was going well: "Bah! Bof! You are speaking without knowing what you are saying. You are not capable of the true debate. Onglau-Saxone."