End of life care and estranged sibling

[Needanewname79]

Name changed to avoid family identification (sil def on here)
Bit of back story
Estranged sister is baby of family (8 of us in total) and has had no contact apart from abusive messages for 3 years. She was the baby and as such spoiled rotten, never worked and has lived off whichever man she is currently with. She has 3 children all of whom were conceived with married men. She is now married to a man that she met through her ex partner and had a 2 year affair with. The estrangement happened because our father met a lovely lady and started a relationship with her. Our mother passed away 18 years ago. And because we were happy for him she cut us all off saying we were pissing on mums memory.
Fast forward to now and dad has been diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He is on end of life care and I asked him if I could tell her so she at least had the chance to say goodbye. He agreed but made us promise she would never be alone with him as she is verbally abusive. She smiles like she is being kind while whispering slurs and saying he was an awful father who was never there, he has destroyed her and her family etc. We promised and my older brother made the call.
Anyway she is now here sobbing at his bedside everyday and saying we have kept her away from the only person who has ever loved her. She is arriving at the hospice at all hours and making decisions re his care without discussion. She went to his home and told his partner that as soon as he passes her meal ticket is over and she will be out (dad has said he wants her to stay until she passes, she has no family other than us and we have no desire to turn her out of her home. She is so very good for our dad)
Am I being unreasonable in asking the hospice to restrict her coming? Dad has said he doesn't want it but feels like she would make everyone's life hell if we said anything. We all have to tiptoe around her because she is likely to cause a scene (she has called the police on biggest brother in the past because he raised his voice and called her a psycho...she told the police she was scared for her life whilst smiling at him!)

Op I would explain the situation to the hospice manager and see if they can limit her visits. Sorry to hear about your father x

If your dad doesn't want her to visit, I would stop her visiting. The hospice will stick to his wishes. If she kicks off at the hospice, they will call the police and have her removed. You don't have to see her or have any relationship with her if you don't want to. As a side note, do you know if your dad has made provision for his partner in his will? It would be awful if she loses her home as well as her partner. So sorry that you're having to deal with this OP while losing your dad 😢

I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this this when your dad is dying. Speak to the hospice, they’re very good at dealing with similar situations. Your dad deserves to live his final weeks in peace and with calmness.

As for her turning up at your dads partners home that’s harassment and the police should really be involved. We went through similar with one of DH’s siblings when one of his parents was dying and it wasn’t easy but you have to be firm, no-one should have to live out their final weeks on this earth worrying.

We actually blocked the offending sibling on phones/social media and never responded to their awful emails until the parent passed. Be prepared for the drama at the funeral is my advice. Again, I’m sorry you’re going though this at such a difficult time and I hope you find a way forward.

Thank you, he has made provision for her. It's states in his will that the house is ours once she passes or if she marries. She can't sell it or be forced to use it for care home fees etc, not that she ever would. The rest of us wouldn't allow her to be removed
My sister is truly awful but dad has always been a push over where she'd concerned. He placates her rather than deal with the issues (that's probably where her sense of entitlement comes from)

Thank you. Yes this is what I'm worried about. The levels she will stoop to. We've talked about changing the locks so dads partner doesn't have to worry about her letting herself in.
I'm dreading the funeral. Everything is always all about her

You need to do what’s right for your dad. We really struggled at the time making the decision to stop them coming to the hospice, it was truly awful as was the funeral.

If she has a key you do really need to get the locks changed on the house, it must be terrifying for your dads partner living there not knowing if someone is coming into the house or not.

Change the locks or add an extra one on your dad's house ASAP. Sister clearly has no boundaries and you can't assume she won't just walk in and do whatever.

You're going to have to step up and protect your dad now. Is toxic sister in his will? Definitely tell the hospice no more out of hours visits and not to take instructions from her about his care. Who has power of attorney for your dad?