Not to continue bday gifts

[Mirren22]

I can't work out if I am being overly frugal here. I have a friend Jess let's call her. We met at work, no longer work together and perhaps see one another twice a year. We are both early 40s. Jess started sending presents on my birthday which is very kind but me and my close friends don't bother with birthday presents anymore, in fact I can't remember if we ever did. We all do lunches / dinners / wines frequently and so we don't tend to bother much with our birthdays. I have returned the gesture and bought Jess a birthday present for the last few years but now we hardly see exhorted it feels a bit pointless. To be clear I would also like her to stop buying me a present. Jess has baby 3 arriving in November and I'm wondering whether to bother buying a gift. I will likely not see her this year and spent a bit on the other two babies around 50 quid each. AIBU to cease buying gifts for someone I don't see that often? How can I make it clear that I would rather not continue to receive gifts?

Just tell her. You’ve made a decision only to give family birthday and Christmas gifts because the costs mount up, and send only cards to everyone else, and you’d feel much more comfortable if she did the same in return - after all, new babies are expensive and everyone is tightening their belts recently.

I don’t personally give baby gifts to anyone beyond their first baby, so I wouldn’t feel at all bad about only sending a card for number 3. Acknowledging the new arrival is the importance bit, not a pointless gift. £50 is excessive beyond a very close relative or friend.

I would probably still get her a baby gift (it’s a one off, and a nice gesture), but make clear that you don’t want to continue the birthday tradition.

“Hi Jess, I’ve decided recently that it would be a good time to stop exchanging birthday gifts with my adult friends. Cost of living is getting stupid for everyone, and it’s made me think about what I really value in my friendships. So from now on, would it be okay if we don’t exchange gifts, but maybe go for a really nice meal together when we see each other? (And of course this is just my adult friends, so the new baby is exempt - I already have my eye on something cute!) Love, Mirren22”

This is perfect!

I agree with @MaterCogitaVera . Well said.

Agree - use what @MaterCogitaVera has written.
Beautifully put.

Thanks very helpful replies @MaterCogitaVera thank you, it's very nicely put and to the point.