Mum and DDs relationship?

[mumtoababygirl]

Growing up, I had a really difficult relationship with my Mum. I grew up truly feeling like no one loved me, and my Mum didn’t even like me. I felt like this from a really young age - as long as I can remember. She quite obviously much preferred my sister. She was quite cold, I don’t remember her ever cuddling me or playing with me, and she was very critical of my weight. I grew up being so shy and embarrassed about myself, and thought I was massively overweight. I saw some family photos for the first time in a long time of me when I was little and there was no issue with my weight at all, I don’t know why she would say the things she did, i have struggled a lot with my weight since as a teen and an adult but have got it under control.

When I got into my mid 20s, things started to improve with my relationship with my Mum and we have a good relationship now and spend time together, she has mellowed a lot.

A few months ago, I had my DD, Mums first grandchild, and I’m finding it really hard to see how much my Mum loves her. She kisses and cuddles her loads, calls her “my baby” and while I’m glad that DD has a loving Grandma, I really want that for her, but I also have a really strong internal negative reaction to it. I hate it when she kisses her, I have to wipe DD down with baby wipes when she’s gone. When she holds her I immediately feel like I want her back. I don’t feel like it about anyone else, I let nice strangers have a little hold of DD so it’s not that I’m weird about germs or anything, it’s literally just my Mum. I hate it if she tries to give me any advice, or talk about when she had babies. She compares DD to my sister a lot, and I love my sister and we’re close, but it triggers the same kind of feelings. She’s never compared DD to me as a baby, has never even said she thinks she looks like me, when she clearly does.

AIBU to feel this way? How can I get over it?

I'm sorry OP, having your DD has obviously brought to the surface emotions that have been kept buried about yout mum's treatment of you as a child. I think that it's quite common that becoming a parent can trigger feelings from our own childhood. Would you think about getting some counselling? I think if you don't explore this, it's going to effect your relationship with your mum and your daughter in the future.

I had an emotionally neglected childhood OP. I was never loved or supported by my parents either as a child or young adult. When I had my baby as an "unmarried mother" - it was socially unacceptable at that time- they refused to have him in their house. My sister was their priority. She went on to have 2 two daughters. And my parents doted on them. Called them " our girls". Couldn't do enough for them. I found this so hurtful. Because when I saw how they treated them in contrast to how they treated me, and my son, who died in infancy, it just all the time fed my feelings of rejection and was a constant reminder of unhappy childhood and young adult years and rejection.
So I really empathise with how you feel seeing your mother with your baby. And the reaction it provokes in you.
I think pp advice about getting counselling to help you deal with this issue a good one.

Thank you for the replies. DH suggested counselling. It seems so silly to book a counsellor just to speak about this though

No not silly at all, really important, I’d recommend the same x